My wife cheated on me a year ago. I've spent the last year cheating on her, abusing her, drinking, God, church but nothing is working. I love her and I really want our marriage to work out but I cant seem to get these thoughts of what she did out of my head. I want to know what can I do to get back to loving her like i did before she cheated. How do I go day to day without the thoughts of what she did creeping into my mind. How do i erase these thoughts and feelings. I know she loves me and I can see that she's really trying to make it better and I want to also but these thoughts haunt me. I want the ghosts of the past to go away. what can i do to get rid of this in my head. How do i fix these issues. I want to forget it, to let it go. She has the same feelings because i cheated on her several times afterwards. I lied to her while it was going on. She knows about it all now and is dealing with the thoughts and yet she loves me more than ever and i can tell but i still have the feelings
2006-06-16 04:32:17 · 5 answers · asked by jerry 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just want to add I do love her and I do want us to work this out. I just want to know how do you get this stuff out of your mind? How do you just push it out? How do you get mind control like that?
2006-06-16 09:56:31 · update #1
I went through a situation...much like yours. My husband found comfort with someone else when I first found out I was pregnant with my son. He didn't know how to handle his feelings, and once he cheated, he told me right away. He felt guilt, and told me that he still loved me. Well, I wanted to forgive him.....and eventually I did. I had to make a decision: should I get back at him to make it even? should I get a divorce? should I let him back into my life, and the life of my child? Oh, so much to think about! Finally, I decided that it was going to be best if we started ALL OVER AGAIN. He stayed with his parents, and called me for dates in the beginning. That lasted about a month or so. Then, he started sleeping on the couch. Eventually, I let him back in. He knows every day that I have forgiven him, but I will never forget what he has done to me. There is not as much trust there as there used to be. I don't like him to go out with his friends from work because of it (she worked with him). Sometimes I find myself thinking back on it, and it still hurts very bad. But I look at my son, and I look at my life now, and I know I've done the right thing. He is a very good father, and he does his best to show me how much he loves me every day.
Have you ever tried talking to her about why she cheated? I know it'll be difficult, and I know she may also feel guilty about harboring feelings of resentment towards you for "correcting the wrong" by cheating on her too. My suggestion to you and your wife: open up the lines of communication. Do your best to explain to her how you feel, and help her to understand that what she has done really hurt you. It's been almost 2 years since my husband cheated, and I still feel the hurt...I don't think it will ever go away. But, if you really want the marriage to work, you need to put the past behind you and start fresh and new. Good luck to you and your wife!
2006-06-16 05:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by geminiparody4 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean abusing her????? What did you do to her? I think you need anger management classes and counseling and change before even wanting to be back with her... You really have hurt her bad and it will take along time for her to heal and get past the pain. See if she is open to marriage counseling at all. You cannnot just forget it all and neither can she... There has been alot of pain and hurt in this marriage so there will have to be alot of work and help to even start to heal the pain and what has happened. Work on the marriage and get the help you need. http://www.marriagetoday.org I am here if you need to talk.
2006-06-16 05:55:58 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please dont abuse .....this scars more than the hurt and deceit.
the thoughts you have are normal and she has to work hard to get your trust back ,,,,you work at regaining trust and forgiving..
drink is only a temporary release it's still there when you sober up. and GOD wont help....its from within the help comes.
hurt makes hate and that is the worst feeling and emotion you have just now, but love conquers everything.
try to help each other by going over everything till its talked out.
romance each other again, try going away together.
learn to love each other and to feel the way you were not how it is now.
2006-06-16 20:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by goldenhoney 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing, but I didn't cheat on him. I tried to make it work but ultimately I couldn't trust him. I would look up his phone records and hound him about every number that I didn't recognize. I would check up on him and make comments about the girl he was with. In the end, he left me bc he couldn't put up with me acting crazy. I found out I was pregnant and he left me anyway. Looking back I wish i had given him a chance to prove himself to me. Now I don't think about the other woman, I think about his current girlfriend that lives in our house with her 2 kids. You should seek counseling for the both of you and talk about your feeling on a regular basis. Trust me just imagine life without her and decide if thats something you can handle. I wish I had taken a step back and given him a chance and left for the right reason instead of begging him to stay with me and our baby and see him leave with her.
2006-06-20 08:22:38 · answer #4 · answered by mk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt be together .It sounds more like shes a trophy than a wife.And hows she supposed to forgive you for doing the same thing.Youre stuck in a relationship out of habit.Of course you still have feelings for her , but they arent healthy feelings. Seperate , and spend some time alone getting yourself together then go out and find someone whos good to you and you can be good to in return
2006-06-16 05:03:10 · answer #5 · answered by N M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋