She had an affair and I didn't handle it well at all. I want to take back all the horrible things I have said amd done over the last year but I can't do that. Where should I begin.???? Grovleing doesn't work. I found that out the hard way. We were friends in the beginning. I want my best friend back in my life andI know where I went wrong.
2006-06-16 03:25:45 · 15 answers · asked by bigblock_475_hp d 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow.....it takes a lot of courage to admit that you did and said some pretty horrible things....as well as wanting your best friend back in your life once again....it almost made me cry....I think you should go for it....if there is any way to sit her down and do it in person, that's your best bet....hopefully she will listen and take what you have to say to heart. I also hope however that she wouldn't do something like this again....I mean, sometimes when you cheat...it just makes it easier to do it again.....I hope that you have thought about that and have considered whether or not you could ever trust her again, because this is also important...you don't want to get back into a relationship with her and just constantly question her or bring up past hurts....but I sincerely think that if you realize what went wrong in your relationship and you want to make an honest go of it, then I would give it your all....we only live once and good people are hard to come by...sometimes it's too late when we realize this and our chance is gone. Don't miss out on that chance!
Good Luck!! You sound like an extraordinary man.
2006-06-16 03:37:10 · answer #1 · answered by Blue_Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first remember that she is an ex for a reason. But that aside.....You can never take back things that are said out of anger. The hurt will always be there, but she also did something that hurt you. If you can talk at all, then ask if you cans try to start fresh. Agree to disagree on the fact that you were both wrong. and agree to put it in the past..and leave it there no matter what. Its very easy to throw the past in someones face when things start going wrong. You need to be stronger than that. The past cant be changed but you do have control over your future. Good luck and take it one step at a time.
2006-06-16 10:42:49 · answer #2 · answered by lisa46151 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she had an affair - well, you probably said things that you normally wouldn't have said......everyone does that. Explain to her that you were devestated and anyone who gets hurt that bad is going to lash out with words they don't really mean just to release some of the pain they are experiencing. It is a normal human reaction. To each and every action there is a reaction. Sounds like you want the "friendship" back - rather than the marriage and that shouldn't be too hard I wouldn't think. Maybe she's afraid you are after her again for the marriage and she's backing off from that. Tell her your intentions. She may be "wondering" what they are if you weren't real clear with her.
2006-06-16 10:29:59 · answer #3 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already begun by realizing that you did make errors.
I would continue by writing her a sincere letter of apology, citing the 3 most hurtful things you did or said and apologizing for them.
Tell her you want to work to restore your friendship, and how much you value the friendship you had.
Mail her the letter, with flowers if you think they will help.
Then, and this is the hard part, you have to stand back and let her make the decision.
No calling, no stalking, no badgering her. If so many hurtful things have been said and done, it may not be repairable. If you do care for her friendship, you know it cannot be forced. You must respect her answer. It could take a lot of time before she decides if she wants to talk to you.
Good luck.
2006-06-16 10:40:15 · answer #4 · answered by Kyawoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a long time to make up for hurting someone. I have been hurt by my ex and we are still in the process of a divorce. Its not something I wanted but he has moved on and is already living with his new g/f. As much as I love him - the person he was - the person he is now is someone I do not even want around me.
Hypothestically though, if he decided he wanted to make up for the way he treated me and his daughter, it would have to be slow and a very long process - the trust has already been broken and that is not easily mended. Start by being a friend and listening - expecting nothing in return. Let her know that you miss your best friend. If she needs anything you are there for her.
My question is - are you wanting just your best friend back or are you hoping to get your wife back eventually?
2006-06-16 10:31:17 · answer #5 · answered by Bugs_Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with yourself. Why did she have the affair in the first place? Can you be sure it will never happen again? Then go to her and tell her your feelings-but be honest. Sometimes people can't change, but all you can do it try. If you get rejected, be on good behavior and wait awhile, and try again. You may change your mind if you just give it some time. Don't sit at home and mope, but don't turn into a party animal either.
2006-06-16 10:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by pamelad03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to go about this is to leave what happened in the past alone, never address it or bring it up again and just move on...almost like you're trying to date her again. Be nice, be friendly, go out of your way to do things for her with no other intent than just to rekindle the friendship between the two of you. She may not respond at first, but over time she'll come to realize your actions are genuine.
2006-06-16 10:32:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but I live in the military life. I've seen so many relationships falling apart because of cheating. I still believe once a cheat always a cheat. So sorry.There are so many chicks hear cheating on their husbands and their husband finds out they give them another chance and the husband has to go on another deployment or out of town or to the field and they come back home for a surprise and surprise their wife is on the bed with another dude. or their wife left them for another by leaving a dear John letter.....
2006-06-16 10:32:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all buy her a special card that says i am sorry and apologize to her for how you responded wrongly and ask her to forgive you. Buy her a boquet of her favorite flowers and ask her out on a date to her favorite resturant. talk over dinner and get to know each other all over again. See if she is open to trying again as long as you start out as just friends from square one. If she wants marriage counseling go together. Treat her like a queen and love her unconditionally. I wish you the best and good luck!
2006-06-16 12:26:48 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry this sounds like a bad idea.You were together she hurt you you hurt her back.You can be polite to each other but I think what you must want is more than to be friends.I think you will just end up getiing hurt again.Good luck becareful :)
2006-06-16 10:30:55 · answer #10 · answered by laura w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋