What causes a person to repeatly cheat on the spouse and two great kids? I'm good looking, smart, and fun!

Question

I found out about ALL of it at once. I have not known all along. He has been in personal counseling for six months, and we have been in joint counseling. He was out of the house for four months, and reality has smacked him hard.

Answer 1

I went through the same thing TWICE. Each time he would get a new girlfriend I was forgotten about. Then he would cheat on his new girlfriends with me. Shame on you once, Shame on me twice. Now he wants me back and the baby. My heart can't be hurt any more. I have stopped crying. Men like this only love good times. He must fill a void somewhere in his life with you. I had sex everyday till I was 9 months pregent. I want to be treated so much better than this. This is how you should decide if you should stay, or cut your losses. When we take a huge problem and break it down into parts it helps us to understand and make a decision that is for the best. Ask your self
1. Is this an isolated event or a pattern?
2. Does your partner own his bad behavior or make excuses for it?
3. Dose he have insight into how hes has hurt you or is he oblivious?
4. Is he sorry for his choice or sorry he got caught?
5. Is this out of character or does he have insensitive gene?
6. Is he willing to clean up his act, or is he in denial?
7. Is this a legacy or new behavior?
Make sure you could recover, and have strength from his cheating if you stay with him. This worked for me.

Answer 2

Have you asked why?

There are many reasons why people cheat--the best way to find out why HE is cheating is to ask him specifically. If you are 100% sure that he's being unfaithful and you stay with him...then you really should look at why you stay.

I have been on both ends of the the cheating fiasco. I didn't care why he cheated on me so I never asked and I left the situation because it wasn't working for either of us in any aspect. I've cheated because I wanted something I wasn't getting from my S/O whether it was attention, sex or conversation--a mix of the 3.

Anyway, you should have a talk with your spouse about why he is continuing this behavior and really look at why you are allowing it to happen.

Answer 3

Out of marriage affair usually originated from conflict within the marriage, however there are some that are just plain playing-around that got out of hand.

Regardless how it got started, a good husband would always put their family first and remind himself that he has a responsibility to stand up to.

Any men that involve in an affair without concern for his family is plain stupidity and immature, no excuse.

It might be a good thing to talk to your husband regarding his affair, if you hadn't already done so. Confront him with the issue and see where he stands, you might be marriage counseling or help from relatives/friend to bring your marriage back. However if he doesn't show remorse or sign of cherishing you and your kid. Then more drastic action might be needed.

Answer 4

People who do this are selfish. They only see the pleasure it brings to them and not the hurt and anger it brings to the other people in the situation. I personally think you should confront your spouse and tell him or her that if the cheating doesn't stop, you are leaving. You shouldn't have to settle for being put on the back burner while he or she goes out and does their thing. You deserve better and you should tell your spouse that if they don't stop the cheating and change their ways you will find better. Best of Luck!

Answer 5

I think the basic concept on why people do stupid things in general (cheating being one of them) is the fact that we all have a void in our lives that needs filled. People will try any and everything to fill that void. Marriage, children, sex, drugs, money, power, fame, etc. People think..If only I were married, if only I had a child, a better paying job, etc. People always think the grass is greener on the other side, only to find out that it's yet another dead end road, they still aren't happy. I think this void can only be filled by God.

Answer 6

He's learned that he can cheat and get away with it. It's probably happened in his other relationships, too. Without consequences, he gets to have his cake and eat you, too.

This has nothing to do with how attractive you are, how smart you are, how great your kids are. This is about his selfish desire for sexual gratification with new people. It could represent a "sexual addiction" or just personality disorder. Or, he could just be a jerk who doesn't care about much more than his next sexual conquest.

Answer 7

I have found that men who cheat have low self-esteem and the attention and intimacy with other women makes him feel good, like he is something because these women want him. And these women know what to say to make him feel wanted and needed by them. Or he feels inferior to you because you are so smart. You need to kick him to the curb. If he does this over and over he will never stop.

Answer 8

the number one fact is........as you put it
he is repeatedly cheating on you!!!!! You seem to be letting him
Oh, sure you put down the usual threats.....
why threaten.......just DO!!
If you are good looking, smart and fun.......then find someone who respects you for that.
Your husband has NO respect for you at all........and obviously no love.
Why is it people can respect others but do not expect it in return!!!
You may love him, and it will be hard, but when you meet someone who doesnt treat you like a "door mat" you will realize how much better of a person you are.......and that you DO deserve more........and so do your children.....
stop thinking about him.......start thinking about yourself and your children.....

Answer 9

Sadly, with most men, it's the simple libido thing. Most men do not connect LOVE and SEX the way taht women do. They feel that they can continue to love their spouse and have a little extra because it's just sex and not love.

This doesn't EXCUSE what he did. It only attempts to explain it.

Answer 10

Something is missing in his relationship with you. Have the two of you grown apart over the years? How have you changed since the wedding? How has he changed since the wedding?