what do I do with this sweet child? She has been through so much.?

Question

hello
my name is Amber and I live in Virginia and I have 3 children and also have my 3 yr. old neice living with me because her mother is in Jail for quite a while, and I need some advice. my neice "Emma" is just so cranky, she is always rude and does not have any manners. I try being positive with her and praise when she is good, but what do I do about her behavior and her attitude? PLEASE HELP

I don't want to spank her or anything like that but she is always used to doing what she wants when she wants and used to cussing, yelling and hitting when she lived with her mother and my household is nothing like that at all. we have respect for eachother, we don't yell or cuss. so how can I teach her to stop all of this? she is only 3 , so I don't know what to do.
I have her on the same sleeping schedule as my 4 yr. old daughter and every night at bedtime she screams bloody murder for no reason, " I guess cause she doesn't want to go to bed" , so what do I do about that????
any advice would be helpful so please reply.

thank you
Amber

Answer 1

Hello Amber,
I am Mike, and at one time when I was younger I was a youth leader in a church, and matters like this have always torn me up. I read your Blog and it just brought so many memories back to me with a lot of the kids that I loved.
I too have three children and my oldest basicly is in the same situation as your niece and will not see the light of day until this little boy you see in my pictures will be at least 30.
It sounds to me like there was a lot of partying, cursing, etc... around sweet little Emma. Dakota was the same way. He would cuss, hit, throw things at you, just destroy stuff and emotionally put a drain on not only my ex-wife that has custody of him, but spiritually on myself, and at that time he was only 2.
I can see where it makes it even harder for you love when you personally have a 4 year old of your own and do not want her to grasp onto all of this because of the attention that you pay to Emma.
May I ask if you are a member of a church? If not please find a small church. That will give you a foot in the door for some free help and love.
Next try to read her some bedtime stories at the sametime you do your daughter, and if Emma acts up, give her the time out chair and have someone help you keep her there while you love on your 4 yr old.
Do the samething all day.
I believe that once in a while, but very rarely, a spanking is appropriate, but not hard.
When it is bedtime I believe that she had a lot of problems with what all her momma was involved in and there was probably a lot of noise and that was the only way that she could get her mother's attention.
If you could get your child to sleep before making Emma go to bed, then spend some quality time with Emma she may start settling down.
By the way, Dakota is now 3 1/2 comes out to Poppas place and prays a lot, has his own garden, hollers at people when they cuss, and just loves life now.
Please do not take her to one of those doctors that will just place her on some kind of medication and have her running around like a zombie.
Otherwise hon, there is the one and only way to solve any problem, and that is through prayer.
If you need to talk or just need to unload please add me to your messenger or email me.
We will keep you in our prayers.
Have a Blessed day.
Mike

Answer 2

Well what I would do is when she wants something like an ice cream, go to park etc is letting her earn it. Tell her in so many words that she cannot get it until she stops i.e screaming, then when she stops the reward is given to her. Teach her about the naughty spot. She has to stand on the spot until she says sorry and can behave and she is rewarded with a cuddle and something she might like. You have to talk to her very sternly. Tell her too whilst giving her a cuddle that you love her very much and would like her to be good so you can take her out etc I hope im making sense here.

Answer 3

She's probably going to need some counseling and I think that you are going to have to firm with her. I know that you don't want to spank her, so you're going to have to be inventive. Take things away from her when her behavior is bad, tell her that you love her, but you don't like the way that she is behaving so she needs to go to her room, Ask her why she would behave like that, do you know that that hurts my feelings. Just some suggestions, but this might take some time to get her out of.

Answer 4

Yes i have the same problem but is with a seven year old,my husbands daughter...a child outside of our marrige...yes i know wht your thinking im crazy right because im raising his daughter... well her mother is worthless she is not in jail but is living a horrible life..listen who knows what your niece have been going trough when she was with your sister... my stepdaughter is the same way rude like to trow tantrums dont want to do nothing...she hits my kids i took her to a behavioral center we just started with the treatments it turn out she was witness to many things her mother and her man did and she was sexually molested three times even by her step dad.... she can tell you what all drugs looks like how to sell them and even how to role a "blunt" and she is angry you hear me angry because she got that deal.she needs help professional help aint nothing you can do for her now,you just became her target she is going to be mean with you,she is going to push button you didnt even know you had,because this is a behavior of hers.but she knows you loves her and sense she is so angry at her mom she is taking it out on you,please take your niece to get help in the mean time you have to be strong enough with her no spanking.....put her in times out for a minute for each years she is if she is four then four minutes time out....there is many things you can do...they will tell u just how to deal with this.... pick the phone up and find your local behavioral center.and ask for help remember what i told you....you cant do this alone,good luck if you need more advice leave message i go by boricua_2290.good luck honey you should be proud of your self,your doing something good with this child..... now go all the way and get her some help..

Answer 5

she needs a spanking someone needs to let this child know that she has to follow house rules shes at the right age its call tuff love the other kids will follow her behavior when they see her getting away with it she will thank you one day at the rate you letting her go she will grow up and be in jail with mom at least now she has a chance to prosper in life with your guidness love her and teach her the best you can she could have ended up in foster care and no one to really love her

Answer 6

My advice to you is to be firm, consistant and positive with her. At three she's very aware of her surroundings, yet probably doesn't understand why mommy isn't around. If you can try to get her into therapy. She's probably going to have some attachment issues with you and her mother.

My younger brother really benifited from therapy when he was younger 1st grade. He bonded with me and not our mother.
Just give it time and realize that its not to late to teach her how to behave.