So he left me for singlehood, to be more independent to go with another..., say he is coming back and he is trying again and again in a nice way to get back together, how will I know that he has matured, that this is what he realy wants and that this time he will commit his heart and decide to share his life for good with me, how will I know that it is not his hunting side to get me again, the triump of winning me back again, how can I know that this is not another game and after he have me he leaves me again after 6 or so months?
2006-06-16 01:37:47 · 12 answers · asked by Julia 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I have had a theory for a long time that "Love" is not actually realized until you are faced with life without that person. He may be sincere, but use caution because he could be coming around just to get a little (if you know what I mean). Men don't think like women, so just becuase something like that may be beyond you, do not assume it is beyond him.
2006-06-16 01:43:01 · answer #1 · answered by Fixarooni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Julia, well, the traditional sign that a man is committed is "marriage." That's why we have the marriage contract. While getting married nowadays is not complete security, it's still the best sign you've got that he's willing to stick it out with you through good and bad times.
If he's not willing to marry you at all, then I'd say "no" right up front. He's not committed long-term.
If he is willing, you still have to consider some things.
1. Are you willing to take the risk for this guy, for the rest of your life? What does your gut tell you? (not your heart, which wants to love him, but what do you already instinctively feel about his commitment?)
2. Do you really want him, or is he just security for you so that you don't have to worry about not finding someone? Maybe you can do better than him, and find someone with a better track record who you have little doubt about.
The fact is you just don't know. You have to decide what you're willing to risk and make the best guess you can. But so far, he doesn't have a good track record -- the last time you were together, he left, and now there is no real way to judge his motivations except by seeing how long he stays this time.
Don't leap into anything. Be open that he might be telling the truth, but take care of yourself.
2006-06-16 08:46:25 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to continue to be pulled around, with only hope that he may or may not come back again for the rest of your life, I suggest you go back with him. If, however, you want your own life and not his (or any other man's) then when they leave because they "need space" or "want to be single" or, the reality "I want to give my seed to as many that are willing", you need to let him go! Can you deal with knowing he was out all the time with other people for the rest of your life, just because he wanted to be single?
The right answer is: he should have wanted you in the first place and realized what he had. You will forever be bitter about his decision to leave (for 6 months!) and will eventually grow to resent him. Find someone who will take you for you the first time, because if you let this man back into your life, it will send the signal to him that you are willing to put up with his infidelity.
2006-06-16 08:45:45 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple answer is that you don't know for sure. You will never know and right now you're so in doubt that you may not be able to get past that.
But the thing that you need to look at is not HIS maturity, but YOURS. Do you want to spend your life with this person who has left you once because he was immature? No one wants that. You need to assess your own maturity level in this relationship. Do you define yourself, your identity through HIS presence or do you define your self from the inside.
Answer those questions and you'll see that you need to live your life for YOU and not for HIM and his temporary needs.
2006-06-16 08:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In life we have to take risks. The only thing you can do is just take a risk and hope that he's being truthful to you. There's no other way of knowing a person's true intentions...
2006-06-16 09:05:57 · answer #5 · answered by mesofemme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually i am a man too ,but first of all just look the way he is behaving ,is he still the same man i know ?and ask him where he have been for that long time ,if u understand him and really see that he needs love let him in !
2006-06-16 08:46:19 · answer #6 · answered by stoffu85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say in my eyes it never works the second time, cause if he leaves you for a nother person and comes back. That means it didn't work with the other and you are second best
2006-06-16 08:42:11 · answer #7 · answered by jaychazus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He left you once he can leave you again...why do you wanna keep goin back and force for someone who already left you once?
Besides, i don't think you'll be very happy with him, cause you'll always have the fear of him leaving you again, and in itself will cause alot of insecurities in the relationship..
Start anew with someone else, and let the bygones be bygones..
Good luck
2006-06-16 09:15:15 · answer #8 · answered by xqueenyx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what made him to leave you at first, if those things are still in place, he will leave you again
2006-06-16 09:54:20 · answer #9 · answered by Angel M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't know right away. If you give it a chance you will find whether your relationship continues to grow and develop or whether it stagnates and begins to fall off. It's up to you as much as to him as to whether it will be successful this time.
2006-06-16 08:55:20 · answer #10 · answered by DramaGuy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋