20 years ago, when my best friend was pregnant at just 15 years of age (and only 6 months out of hospital for attempted suicide) her boyfriend was sent to prison. during his time inside he wrote some pretty steamy letters to her mother who delighted in showing them off to me and proving that she still 'had it'. It seemed from the tone of the letters that they were already pretty intimate but there was no way I could tell my friend as I was worried that it would hurt her - so I kept my mouth shut.
During the course of an argument with the (now) ex partner this fling with her mother 'came out'. My friend came steaming round to me to tell me what had happened, but she knew me too well and pretty soon realised that this was old news. Now she is furious with me for not telling her, and isn't speaking. How can I say sorry?
2006-06-16 00:58:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
If she isn't speaking to you, then put in writing what you just put on the internet. Mail it to her (or tell her), and if she is a true friend she will understand. What you must realize is that this was traumatic for her. Also, be patient. "Time heals all wounds".
2006-06-16 01:05:30 · answer #1 · answered by Joe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on how you can communicate with her (telephone, email, etc.) just simply tell her what you wrote above, with all the things going on in her life at that moment, you didn't feel this added burden was necessary, maybe it was wrong, maybe not, but it was what you felt at the time, and you didn't want to hurt her. Usually the best way to resolve an anger issue is the honest truth. Try a voice mail on her phone, email, or a good old-fashioned snail mail letter. Stress that it was for HER, and again, while maybe wrong or not, you had her best interests at heart. A true friend would understand in time. Good luck and i hope this helps!
2006-06-16 01:06:21 · answer #2 · answered by Kittycat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just write her a letter and tell her how you felt and how it made you feel trapped and that you felt it was none of your business to interfere. She will come round eventually. Tell her you understand how furious she must be feeling but that you'll always be there for her and that she can trust you because you can keep a secret! You have been put in an awful position and should be just as mad with her mum and ex but try to keep cool and be there for her. Then you'll have to wait for her wounds to heal but in the meantime do something to make you feel better and remember you only did your best. If she can't forgive that's her problem. You just tried to be a good friend.
2006-06-16 01:10:30 · answer #3 · answered by minerva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had the best intentions at the time so all you can do is say sorry and try to explain how things seemed at the time (as you have done so well here).
As you say, it only *seemed* from the tone of the letters that there was something going on and it would have been pretty messy if, at the time, it had turned out you were wrong.
2006-06-16 01:08:11 · answer #4 · answered by CJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her the truth, you didn't want to hurt her especially in her condition at the time and that you didn't know what the outcome of the situation would be.
When situations like these happen we want to keep our loyalty to our friends and tell them, but then there is the what if factor.
What if she thinks I'm lying and won't talk to me?
What if she thinks I'm jealous?
What if she loses the baby?
Just tell her the truth and she should understand. Everything has worked out better for her. She might not have talked to her mom in a while and she should blame both her mother and him. I would think mother more so because she bragged to you about it and it was her own daughter that she was betraying.
2006-06-16 01:06:50 · answer #5 · answered by BbyGrl80 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would have been best if you'd let her vent her feelings with you, and not let her know that you knew about it..........but you can't go backwards so apologize for not letting her know earlier. Tell her you didn't want to take the chance on hurting her feelings and destroying her relationship with her mother....and especially when her condition was already so vulnerable.
Tell her you would absolutely never keep anything that important from her again and give her lots of hugs. I'll bet she is feeling like the most stupid and humiliated person in the world. You can make it right again with kindness and determination.
2006-06-16 01:06:20 · answer #6 · answered by purplewings123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth that you did know about it but did not tell her because you wanted to protect her from the hurt of this news. Tell her how much you care about her and how sorry you are that you did not tell her at the time and let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk or needs a shoulder to cry on. Your friend is going to need support at this time and it is important that you realise that she may just be angry at you because she needs to express her anger at someone and you are the closest to her just now. Good luck.
2006-06-16 01:08:04 · answer #7 · answered by happyflamepepper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for what? Tell her you don't get up in other people's business and if she wants to be mad at someone, get mad at her ex and/or mother. They're the ones that chose to write to each other, not you and you stayed out of it back then just like you are doing now.
2006-06-16 01:07:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are so sorry. It's not the end of the world. As a human being you have mistaken it. And you will do everything you can to fix it. Promise her and keep it for the rest of your life.
2006-06-16 01:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by devid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think you can, other than to say that 20 years ago things were very difficult and it would have caused her more harm than good...
Give her some time to cool down... If she considers you a good friend, she'll be back to see you...
2006-06-16 01:03:09 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋