Any women married to controlling men that can offer advice for freedom? Marriage did not start out that way 9yrs. ago. Now I have no checking/savings account with my name nothing. He makes checks out for me for an exact amount prior to going anywhere. So I have to add all the way through store to get close. Just found out he has three different savings accounts in another state where he work! I have 3 girls, him and I have one together, she's six. I don't want to put her through divorce like my older two, who's dad was unfaithfull, however I am getting sick of this. I am full time student, no job, have always stayed home with kids until recently, by husbands choice. He says he has to take total control of money, as I spend it all. On what, is what I don't understand! I have older car, no jewlry, no fancy clothes. Just three kids who need to eat. II need to take control, just not sure how....Confused!
2006-06-16 00:33:24 · 17 answers · asked by shinyme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way I attend college to finish my BA degree every day, all day, while kids are in school. He will not let me get job as does not want to pay anyone to watch them. I have to be with my children if I'm not in school. Period. Which, I like don't get me wrong, I'm just saying I have no alternative to Work, Unless I hide it from him somehow.
2006-06-16 00:50:31 · update #1
I was married to a control freak, just not to the extent that you are. My heart goes out to you and your children. What I would do if I were in your shoes would be to put school on hold. Work during the times your children are in school and start putting that money away. If that is not an option for you do you have family and friends that would help you? You do realize that if he is this controlling while you are with him how bad will he be when you leave and you must admit to yourself that you have to leave not only for your sake but the sake of the children that you have living in that house. You will need to make sure you have help from outside agencies as well to protect yourself and your children. You do not want to teach the girls that this is the normal way of life and this is what they can expect when they get older, that is what they will think if you do not leave. I really don't think talking to him will do any good at this point. If you need anything else or even someone to just talk to you please email me. I would like to keep in touch with you. Keep your chin up and remember that there are agencies out there to help you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
2006-06-16 01:28:31 · answer #1 · answered by kelsey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that maybe he has some plans in the future that doesn't include your daughters or his wife. Why in the hell would he be hiding bank accounts from you. Once your married your a whole if you both agree that one or the other keeps up with finances then that's fine, this isn't the case. Divorce sucks but sometimes the children are better off. I would talk to him and if it doesn't work, guess what you are married and the courts would make him bring out all of his hidden accounts and your entitled to have. So thank about it. He sounds immature to me. Good Luck!!
2006-06-16 00:44:39 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the question is like asking if a certain group of people are all like this or that; especially if we are considering how every boy will become old. So the answer is real simple: no, not all of them are like that. Control, narcissism and other negative traits are always present starting in youth and growing, worse, typically, as one ages. Why do others say this? Generalizations. That is all there is to it. Stereotypes are usually born from repeated coincidences. The reasons for marriage are always vast. Attraction from older men to younger women has always been happening (from fertility, looks, ego or pure coincidence).
2016-03-27 05:28:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to finances no one person should be in control of it. The responsibility of finances should be shared by both of you. Sounds like hes taking control of more then the finances. Believe me I know what it is like to live with a controlling man, been their and done that. None of us want to put our kids through a divorce. If your not happy your kids know that and it does affect them. I'm not telling you to leave or stay you have to decided that. I just know that life is to short to spend it being miserable. I would sit him down and tell him how you feel and see if you both can't come up with a compromise. If he won't budge I personaly would think twice about staying.
2006-06-16 01:00:19 · answer #4 · answered by brighteyes62301 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will take a slap on the face to get him to relinquish his control to you. I say take all his stuff and through it out on the porch. Borrow some money and change the locks when he is at work. When he gets home tell him that things need to change around here or you will get a divorce. Talk to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. After a month or so he will be willing to relinquish his control.
2006-06-16 00:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by bigblock_475_hp d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not really sure how to respond or if I will help.Maybe you could ask him to go to counseling but then he would have to be willing.Or try to ask him for an allowance?More than what u really need and save what money u can.If not you could leave him and with government aid until you get on your feet you could make it.If this is also not a choice just try to hold out until you get your degree.
2006-06-16 01:06:48 · answer #6 · answered by rachellynn200 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT NOW!! sounds like hes cheating and u need to get out. find a good job to support ur girls and start saving w/ out him knowing! Find a good support group in ur area that u can depend on and ask for their help, not financially but emotionally and possibly physically. Move out when hes not in town, like when hes at work in that other state. Best of luck
2006-06-16 01:15:02 · answer #7 · answered by billysgirls3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right you need to take control. You need to take control of your own life. I suggest you seek counseling. Either with or without him. I am affraid to tell you this but your future may hold a life without him. Staying there for the kids is hurting them more than helping them. Trust me on this one.......I waited till it got to the point my kids and told me it was time to get out. You don't want to wait that long.....get help now!
2006-06-16 00:51:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to him about it and understand that you can't control everything and it is he's money, you can't do anything if he decided to control over it. make him understand that you do the budgeting and you also have needs to fulfill but you said that you just have 3 kids who needs to eat so I guess there's no problem about it unless you're not sure that he's going to feed your 2 kids or your ego tells you that you have to control it or you're in doubt that he's going to use it for other reasons so the only way I can think of is that to talk to him about it and let him know your feelings about it.
2006-06-16 01:12:43 · answer #9 · answered by babypards 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question is, if things didn't start out this way nine years ago, what did you do to make him feel like he needs to be so controling of the money?
Did you hand mony hand over fist to your kids? Did you fail to see that the bills got paid before you blew the money?
It sounds like, to me, that you need to ask yourself some questions before you come on Yahoo to blame your hubby for your problems.
2006-06-16 01:06:48 · answer #10 · answered by scoop_returns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋