(Please help me...)
I just met my dad last december 2004 after 19 years...thats our first meeting...since that day,i just talk and see him for just 3-4 times and never really had a real heart to heart talk.Now,hes working abroad(just left last june 2005) and never heard anything from him... the first few months hes there...he's calling me and he even send me money for just 4 times(not more than 10 thousand pesos overall)after that nothing...i never demand anything though i know i have a right to...coz im his eldest.He got 2 sons and 1 daughter with his wife now...theyre all well and goin to school.Once i ask my dad if he can help me about my school but he didnt answer me back,i didnt insist it already.Now,all im askin is just his attention and let me feel that i still have a dad coz since i was a kid i wish i have one to give me advice and a hug.Yes,i met my dad..but its hurts me more now coz hes still a stranger for me.i tried to contct him so many times but nothing.what will i do?
2006-06-15 18:50:42 · 12 answers · asked by Honey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
My dad is a stranger to me now, also. The only difference is that I grew up with him around. He forgot to pick me up when he was supposed to, missed my recitals and concerts, treated my mom very badly, etc. He finally divorced my mom 5 years ago and it was a relief. He wasn't always bad, but he thought that providing money for the family was showing love to them. He still sends me money occasionally. I'm not really sure if it is out of guilt or if he just still thinks he is showing me he cares. He has a new family now and gives them most of his money, but still none of his time or attention. What I'm trying to say is that just because he was there, it doesn't mean it was better, and not all dads know how to be good dads.
I have learned that I am much more peaceful just not having any expectations. I rely on my family that has been there for me always and I do everything I can for myself. You can't be disappointed if you don't have expectations.
I'm assuming that you come from a different culture than mine because you say that you have a right to demand things because you are the eldest. He may not even really consider you his family because he only just met you. Let go of your expectations and hope for his sake that he will some day realize what he missed out on and seek you out.
Best wishes.
2006-06-28 12:23:22 · answer #1 · answered by Sara B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You never say how old you are but I'm assuming you're a little older than 19. Okay, I'll tell you what I think after reading your message...
Your father, for whatever reason, was not a part of your life. He now is back for a short time and you want a relationship. He may not be able to give that to you and if not, you have to find a way to accept it. He has a whole "other" life that you took no part in...you and he never "bonded" so therefore, he may not feel the loss as you do. And I know this is a painful situation for you, but your father may not be feeling or seeing the same things you are.
If it is possible, try to look at the positive side of this entire situation. You now know what you don't want to be as a parent...you will learn to love and care for your children in a much more loving manner because that is what you would have chosen. And, be grateful because at least you are here...you are alive and if it had not been for that man you now know is your father, you might not even be here. And remember, all fathers are not dads...
God bless you and keep you well...
2006-06-29 16:25:41 · answer #2 · answered by joncarhas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are upset. Truth is there is nothing you can do. You are good enough your dad isn't. Your dad feels that sending you money once in awhile is being a good enough father. Some dads just suck that way. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, I am sure he does. However, your idea of a dad and his idea of being a dad are two different things. Maybe given time he will take a more active roll in your life. But right now he is busy and selfish enough that he is not taking the time to be a more active parent towards you. The only way to feel better is loose the expectations. Don't be jealous of the siblings, they have a household with him so obviously they will have more interaction with him. Perhaps you should try to involve yourself with the wife and siblings more, that may make it easier for your dad to be involved with you. You never know what is happening at home, maybe his family is not supporting his relationship with you, he is trying to make 4 people happy in a difficult situation. Honestly my advise is: don't let it hurt you. It is not your fault he is not a good father. You can love him, but you must accept him for who he is, parenting flaws and all.
Good luck!
2006-06-28 06:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by jodi M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you had to grow up without a father. You never know though, it may have been for the best. Obviously the man is a loser. What kind of man could father a child and not try to be a part of his life? He is the biggest loser. He has missed out on knowing and making memories with a wonderful person. I'm not sure about the money thing though. If he paid child support for you, there's probably nothing you can do. After all, you are of age now. I want you to think about the kind of relationship you want with your father. It doesn't sound to me as if your dad is interested. He may be emotionally unable to meet your needs.
I feel for your pain. Good luck.
2006-06-29 11:55:52 · answer #4 · answered by valkyria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry that he didn't have anything to do with you up until this point.... Right there is the first sign on what type of man that he is..... He gave you money, so maybe that is what he thinks that you are after, and he's not a bank...... He is feeling guilty, so give it sometime and see what happens.. But you do need to tell him that you want a relationship with him, and for him to be part of your life, i wouldn't ask for money though, and if he still is raising children, he might not be able to do it.......... Good luck with this...........
2006-06-29 09:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth is your "dad" has a whole life apart from you. He doesn't realize that he has hurt you. I'm adopted and have never met my biological parents. Even though it's difficult i've gotten on with my life and haven't let the feelings of rejection, etc get to me. If your father doesn't want to make the effort to have a relationship with you, you can't force him to and shouldn't hurt yourself trying. Tell him how you feel and go from there.
2006-06-29 13:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you looking for sympathy or empathy.For 19 along years he only met you for 5 to 6 times.May be he have some problems or he is ashamed to accept you .In any case he is not with you.So why you want to think about him .
2006-06-28 21:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by archu v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-09 03:58:35 · answer #8 · answered by hagenah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will pray for you because i can imagine that there is a certain void in your life without knowing your dad..but keep the faith
2006-06-29 15:24:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can pray and hope don't give up trying you are the bigger man.
2006-06-29 09:29:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋