and I really do. Should I accept it and move on with our relationship or should I try to change his mind? I have always wanted children, but I wouldn't want to have a baby he would end up resenting.
2006-06-15 17:49:13 · 11 answers · asked by danac210 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we did talk about it b/f the wedding, and I knew his stance, but I love him no matter what. I just thought it wouldn't bother me as much as it has.
2006-06-15 18:06:12 · update #1
oh yea,we dated 5 years b/f we married, so we knew eachother well
2006-06-15 18:08:26 · update #2
I would have a more in-depth discussion about why it is that he doesn't want kids. Does he not want to take care of a baby? If not, maybe adopting an older child would work. Does he not want the financial burden? Make a plan to save x amount of money and then try for kids. He may fear that he might not be a good father, or some other legitimate reason. After you determine the problem you can work on a solution. You need to decide if your need for children outweighs his concerns. I definitely do not recommend having children without his consent because that could potentially end your marriage. You need to explain to him that it is completely natural for you to want to be a mother. This is an important decision and he needs to take your feelings into account. I really feel for you. I want kids badly also, but so far no luck. It's hard waiting.
2006-06-15 18:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Christy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that something so vitally important is just now coming up in your relationship.
Hindsight is often 20/20, but did you talk about this before you got married? If you did, and you knew he did not want kids, and you married him anyway, you will need to continue to respect his feelings on the matter.
If you didn't talk about this before you got married, I would guess that it was a rushed wedding, meaning that you did not take the time to get to know each other before the wedding.
Either way, you will have to accept his feelings on the subject now and hope that he changes his mind at some point in your marriage. You can try and change his opinion about having children, sometimes being around people with children can help, sometimes , it can hurt, depending on the parenting skills and the personalities of the children.
Good luck
2006-06-15 18:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by cindy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I had the exact situation. I have two children from a previous marriage. She is 10 years younger than I am. Based upon the age differences and not wanting to have more children in my early 40's, it appeared to be best for us. Children are a lot of work and require a lot of time and attention. You would basically be a married single parent, the relationship may end in divorce and where would the child be then? If you knew his attitude before you hooked up, then don't try and change his mind now. You knew the stakes going in, Try going to Europe or Hawaii hauling kids around. Enjoy your time together as there are great advantages to being a childless couple.
2006-06-15 17:58:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh no, don't have the child just yet until you both have a serious chat about the matter and he is okay with the idea of a little one. You don't want to end up pregnant and then divorced and ruin the childs life. Children are great and all but some men and women just don't want them and you have to respect that idea. For one thing, didn't you all talk about this before getting married. If your okay with the idea and want to remain together, then he should get a vasectomy because so many years on birth control is not healthy. But if you truly want childrena dn don't feel forfilled with this man, I'm sorry to have to tell you divorce seems likea option. But remember you can't make anyone change the way they think or act!!!
2006-06-15 17:57:07 · answer #4 · answered by lasugarfree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't have this understanding about children before you got married then that was your first mistake. The second is to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't want children and who you will eventually resent someday because you did want them.
2006-06-15 17:56:46 · answer #5 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. I've been that guy who didn't want any. Now I have a 10 year old. I didn't resent him. Your spouse may come around in the future. Talk with him. He may not know the joy of children. Explain to him what it means to you. If he still doesn't want one it's gonna be tough, but if you love him honor the decision and if he loves you he should consider it for you. Talk about it.
2006-06-15 18:04:19 · answer #6 · answered by V V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me! I knew my fiance had 2 kids (from a previous marriage), and didn't want any more. I thought I could live w/that.. but as time went by, looking @ children in the street became harder. It will haunt u forever
2006-06-16 02:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by Julie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume that this was discussed before you entered matramonial bliss so who changed their mind?
Children are a huge commitment for a lifetime and need many things from both parents. I would not suggest having children with someone who is not interested in raising a child of their own. That would create numerous problems
2006-06-15 17:58:04 · answer #8 · answered by Cdn_Superdave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should really express to him how badly you want children! Part of being married involves having a family! Just make him understand where you are coming from and he'll probably come around once he realizes how important it is to u
2006-06-15 17:54:34 · answer #9 · answered by cinnimin_13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you knew he didn't want kids and you still married him, what can you do, nothing
2006-06-15 18:05:00 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋