Ok, I am 99% sure I am a lesbian. I have only had sex with one girl and that was in a three way, but I loved it. I keep trying to tell myself I would hate it with any other girl, but I know I wouldn't. Also, my friends...I don't think they'd take it well. And my best friends mom is so, so homophobic! She has been like my mom since my mom died and if I told her I was gay she would tell me it's ok and talk trash about me to everyone else. I don't want to lose her too...even though she isn't my favorite person, she's my only mother figure. I am in my 30's...I should be grown up enough to just do it, but I am so, so scared. I wonder if I will ever be happy if I don't though. But what if I come out and get a girlfriend and then I realize I really am straight? This is so confusing!!!
2006-06-15 17:48:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
That is exactly what I meant sunny, thanks for explaining! Also, you are so perceptive, I am not even acknowledging the possibility of being bisexual because I want to be either straight or gay, not in between...too funny...good intuition!
All great, great supportive answers though. Thank you all so, so much!
2006-06-15 21:18:29 · update #1
...and bite me, I see your point about the backstabbing mother figure. I have thought about not having her in my life anymore, but I don't want to lose another mom. That is too much for me right now. It is a terribly disfunctional relationship with her though. She is very backstabbing toward everyone, not just me. But thanks for the kind words.
2006-06-15 21:20:55 · update #2
I think what she meant by ,'...and then realize I'm really straight' is that since she is confused right now, then she comes out and goes through all that, then she understands that she really was straight the whole time and it was just the girl in the three way. But I do have to say to you suntan that if you have been having feelings about girls, other than the one you were with, how far off can you be? I do have a suggestion. A couple of people have eluded to this suggestion, but none have said it. Why don't you date a girl for a while and not tell anyone. Then if things get serious you can bring her around to a few people you can trust to feel out your friends. You don't even have to tell them that you have always felt this way. You can say you met her and something happened, you had to be with her. Something like that, in your words of course! Then maybe they will accept it easier and if your first relationship doesn't work out the door will already be open for another girl if you choose. That's what I'd do anyway. Good luck! It looks like you are getting some great answers and support on here. I really hope it all works out for you, truly. I wish I could hug you!
Oh and remember, there is no shame in being bisexual. I am not saying you are, but if that is what you end up feeling do not fight it, it's ok.
2006-06-15 21:16:14 · answer #1 · answered by sunnydayzd 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are too concerned. I know you don't want to hear that, but most of your friends will probably take it better than you think - I know every single one of mine did. As for the mother figure, who says you have to come out officialy to everyone you know all at one time? Start telling people gradually, test the waters, see you like to tell people. If an honest relationship is important to you and you think this woman would backstab you, it doesn't sound like you're going to get it either way. I'm sorry you feel like you're between a rock and a hard place, but really, Thanksgiving-esque coming outs are not always to best option. Start small. If you do suddenly change your mind (this seems highly unlikely, you sound like a Kinsey 5), then you can talk it out with the few good friends you have told. Hope I could help.
2006-06-16 01:10:11 · answer #2 · answered by oldwhatshername 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen...
You are really overthinking it, here hun... If your best friend's mother is like a real mom to you, and that you told her, she wouldn't go and talk trash about you behind your back because a mother wouldn't do that... You follow your heart, you do not worry about what others say... and did you tell your real mom? Did she know before she died the truth about her daughter?
When I was in your position, I didn't have the chance to tell my mother... my mother's also passed away...and I regret it... I wish I should've told her, because she had a right to know... since then I decided that I had to tell everyone, because what if i lose someone again without telling them, and feel more regretful than I already do?...
I've been in your boat before, and I'm 18... You're in your 30's, you're older, you're wiser, and i know that you just have to tell them, If you're 99% sure, there's no way that you're going to be straight...trust me i know....
If you need advice on how to come out(if you decide to) email me...
Good luck with whatever dicision you choose...
Joan
2006-06-16 10:55:37 · answer #3 · answered by Chef Shortie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what u have 2 do
2006-06-16 01:21:37 · answer #4 · answered by Deshawn & Keshawn's mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to come out to get a girlfriend. I don't know whether you live in a city or small town, but lots of places have formal or informal gay community centers, where you can meet people and get information. Feminist bookstores are an example. In my town, the Unitarian church (and other open and accepting churches) have social groups for gay people. There may be ways to get your feet wet a little bit, just to give yourself confidence. If you're sure of yourself, it will still be hard to tell your loved ones, but at least you'll know you're doing the best thing for yourself. If you're unsure, that will come through when you tell people, and they will pick up on your uncertainty. And they will make it harder for you, trust me. If you're confident, people question you less. If you're unsure, people question and try to make you justify yourself, and when you're still trying to get things figured out, that can make it more confusing.
Take your time.
2006-06-16 00:59:11 · answer #5 · answered by laura palmer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a bit confused. You're worried about what someone will think and you know they will talk trash about you behind your back. How come you're friends with them still. I understand the mother figure thing and all but that doesn't sound to healthy to begin with.
When I came out I lost friends and gained friends. It's amazing how being you can weed out people who arn't worth knowing. For example my dad and I don't speak at all because I'm a lesbian. But I can't stop living my life because he thinks I'm going to hell.
I learned that I can't live my life in fear of what others will think. I get one shot at this life and that's it. I don't want to spend it being afraid of rejection.
There are people who will love you and support you. Because you're you and they understand what you're going through.
Peace.
2006-06-16 01:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by yikes_its_a_humdinger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at first you said that you're 99% lesbian but in the end you said what if you're straight. which one is correct?
if you know that they're homophobic then dont you ever try to come out to them (beside what's the point?) it's only about you, you deserve to decide what way you like to take.
just follow your heart and ask yourself.
2006-06-16 03:30:08 · answer #7 · answered by ..... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your so overworried about it.........try to make out with a guy then you will see if you like it....i dont mean have sex with him but just try and see whats going on..f you dont like it get yourself a gf
2006-06-16 00:58:39 · answer #8 · answered by ace c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋