My friend's antisocial, evil dad?

Question

My friend's dad is, quite literally, an evil person. He has no conscience to speak of and takes drugs and goes on drinking binges frequently. My friend (a very mature 15) has been prevented from taking part in extracurricular activities, getting a normal job, going into town (they live in a small town trailer park outside of suburbia), and visiting friends. His life is completely worthless and he has contributed nothing to this earth except a kind and sad daughter, probably the only worthwhile thing he ever did. He acts high and mighty when I come to visit because the only thing he has control over is his daughter, and he flaunts it arrogantly. He belittles her and stares at her hatefully for no reason, and once he went into a rage and destroyed every personal possession she had. Memorabilia, old photos, art and personal wrings and diaries, clothes. She went to Foster care but felt it was actually worse than living with her dad. I wish he would up and die. How do I help her?

Answer 1

For sure you must support her as much as you can,( and im sure you are) always make yourself available if she needs someone to talk to. Talk to a social worker at school, your local police department, maybe even visit a church. Dont close any doors,or avenues, you never know what might help her. Gather all your information and along with her and whatevr else you come up with, try to make a decision. Sometimes we are not even aware of the types of help their are for us untill we begin to look into it. Its kind of like shopping for stuff, sometimes you dont know who has the best sales and best clothes that are just right for you untill you get out there and start looking around.

Answer 2

When she's sixteen she can become an emancipated adult if she has a job, but part of the problem with this guy sounds like he's such a control freak that she hasn't been allowed to get one. Has that changed since foster care?

If she ever gets put back with him, have her come live with you, if you can. As soon as she can, she should join the air force or the circus or something so that she cannot be found by him or anyone like him. (not kidding here- I ran off with the carnival).

If nothing else, in three years he won't be able to touch her. In the meantime, you put this in mythology and folklore- does that mean you're looking for magical solutions? Find someone who knows more about him and can get a hold of some of his personal stuff to do some sympathetic magic. Forget bindings- they don't prevent bad behavior on a non magical level.

Answer 3

I had a student in a similar situation. He tried to get emancipated but the incompotent lawyers in our county failed him. He stuck it out until he was 18. The sad part is once he was out he kind of took on too much to fast. He had been the top cadet in the JROTC along with his girlfriend. He had always planned to join the Army. They got married and pregnent and droped out of school inside of a couple of months.

My student never had any kind of parental guidance and the guidance councilers and his other family didn't reallly care about him.

You can be a friend to your friend. Make sure she's safe first of all. And remember, when she gets emancipated or is old enough to move out don't let her go wild.

You should look to get some help right away. This sounds like it could turn violent. Talk to some adult for advise. Call a hotline or talk to some one in the community at school or church. Get some professional advice soon.

Answer 4

You can help her by being a kind and encouraging friend when you are with her. Encourage her to do well in school. It may be her only ticket out of the situation. Getting scholarships and getting into college would open up a new world for her that her dad couldn't touch.

If you feel she is in danger you need to tell an adult from one of the following fields :medical, educational, social services/mental. Individuals who work in this field are mandated reporters. They are required to contact Children's services.

There is more that can be done than just putting her into foster care. Your friend is fortunate to have such a good friend! =)

Answer 5

Help her hang in there until she's old enough to move out. See if there is someone else-family, or friend-who can take her in for a while. It's possible that the court will let her stay with a different family, people that she knows, instead of foster care. Stick with her, though. She needs good people around her, people who care. Best of luck to her.

Answer 6

Wow I have been in a similar situiation. My mom used to do stuff like that when I was younger, only she didnt do the drugs and drinking. She was a single mom, and I was left to do the motherly things after my sister got smart and moved with her boyfriend and his parents.

Does she have a mother or another family member she can stay with? One thing you can do is be her friend. Show her that you understand how she is feeling and that it will get better. Just be the best friend you can be.

Answer 7

Well, it is great that you care for your friend enough to want to help her. It sounds like this dad is angry with himself for wasting his OWN chances at a life and he's taking it out on his daughter. My recommendation would be for her to find out about getting emancipated from her father. That way, she wouldn't be under anyone's control. I am not sure what age you can begin the process, but she definitely needs to get out of that trailer. He will bring her down if she doesn't leave.

Answer 8

oh well, call CPS on him. they have to at least go there and investigate. you can also get emancipated at 14. but there are requirements that you must have a job. and be living outside your parents house. you can also petition the court for new guardianship. that's a few years worth of paper work and process. she could run away. they only go looking for you for so long, the police really have better things to do besides chase teens. and she's old enough to buy bus/plane tickets. given the right process. check out emancipation laws for yourself.

Answer 9

Your friend's dad is guilty of child abuse, and sounds like the way my dad treated us kids. What about your friend's mother? He needs to be reported to the authorities. Your friend needs your strength and encouragement. Be there for her..give her a shoulder to lean on. She will always remember you.

Answer 10

You be that island of calm and support to help her through these trying times.