do you think that after having say 10 relationships and getting to know virtually all the options available to you (regarding the "other half" - dated pretty much every kind of guy) getting married is the only choice - in order to not end up single and old maidedly in a few years... Being in early twenties I am not even sure I believe in "love" and "the one" etc, but I do believe in time running out and girls getting older. I just dont know if marriage is the best idea ..with him...right now ( I do love him by the way, whatever that word means)
I would really love some feedback from the adult crowd out there (meaning round 30)
2006-06-15 15:45:51 · 12 answers · asked by Jackie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you're only early twenties, you have lots of time to grow up before worrying about stuff like this. Marriage should be something you want to do, not have to do.
Regarding love - "whatever that means" - I understand and all I can say is make sure you care for whoever you end up with. That might make it easier for you to decide. If you don't know what love is and love is the reason behind marriage (in your thoughts), your marriage dreams will never be fulfilled.
2006-06-15 15:54:46 · answer #1 · answered by leafsfan1000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being old maid-ly is a frame of mine. And what is wrong with single if you are happy and secure ? Marriage is an understanding situation between two people. What is it that you want from life ? Companionship ? Friends make great companions. Safe, monogamous sex ? Hmmm....that's usually a good reason for marriage.......but, I'm sure there are other options out there for that. It's sounds like you are starting to hear the ticking of the biological clock. Now, having traditional ideas about raising a child(ren) is a good reason to get married, too.
My theory on marriage is this: Marriage is a partnership. Both people need to be a whole person in and of themselves before they can contribute positively to any relationship. Kids are the biggest monkey wrench there is to make a strained relationship miserable. If this person is stable and not controlling and is amicable to raising kids with you, then, maybe if you both want to get married, maybe that is a good idea.
I totally understand about the " love " thing.
2006-06-15 22:55:35 · answer #2 · answered by yodeladyhoo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah well the only way know truly love somebody, is when you truly feel it deep down with passion. Its not a crush, or puppy love, its when your love for that person is so intense, that, they become the centre of your life and your whole life revolves around that person.
Now you said you do love him "or whatever that word means." If you truly did love him you would not of said it like that. I dont know maybe thats just you personally. But one thing you have to remember, that just b/c you think you may stay single forever or time is running you, dont even think about putting yourself into a marriage when you cant even figure yourself. You hardly even know yourself. It would totally stunt your growth if you force yourself to marry when you're not ready, and the rate of divorces around the world, shows it just wont work like that.
Marriage is a commitment, when two peopld who dearly love one another want to spend the rest of their life with eachother and no other person. They then become one. Now its not an arrangment for someone to have just b/c they might die single or pressured.
Girl you have plenty of time. Dont think that you should get married. DO so when you feel its right and really think about it. The one thing pychologists say is the who you chose to spend your life with and marry, will either bring you the most happiness in your life, or great distress and depression/heartache.
You wouldnt want to go through the trouble of divorce just b/c you suddenly realised he wasnt the right one???
2006-06-15 23:00:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm around that age and I've got to tell you as someone who got married in her twenties...if you are unsure for ANY reason (you don't like his cat, hate his mother, don't like how he smells, hate his friends, can't stand they way his mispronounces words...) ANY reason there is a doubt in your mind that you will be able to stay with this person, then put marriage off. This is too big of a responsibility to take lightly. What is the worst that can happen? You'll be alone? How bad is that, really? If you are confident with who you are, you don't have to worry about being alone. And I seriously doubt you would end up that way anyhow. More and more women are waiting to take the big plunge until they really know who they are and where they are going in life. Take your time. There is a lot of living to do.
2006-06-15 23:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well rite now its a kid and not an adult but still i say keep on dating i mean cuz if u get married now then u might get a divorce or fight 4 long periods of time wind up as a door mat or sum thing so i say keep dating and also wen u do that then u can perfect urself so that u can find the 1 thats rite 4 u and yes this is cumin from a kid!
2006-06-15 22:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by i_luv_ca2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take your time and get to nkow him and dont be in a rush here. I am 37 now but i got married the first time when i was 18 and i was way to young and not ready... Needless to say that marriage was horrid and disfunctional and neither one of us knew how to be a husband or wife. It ended in disaster but today I am married to a wonderful husband and have a great and happy marriage and i would not have it any other way! Wait and be patient and you will know when you are ready to marry and dont hurry or rush it.. Listen to your instincts and your heart.
2006-06-15 22:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many women prefer to remain single rather than settle for just anyone for the sake of being married. Women are waiting longer to get married and have children. Most of them want a carreer. Don't marry unless you are absolutely sure. 52% of marriages in the US end in divorce.
2006-06-15 22:49:24 · answer #7 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 34 when I married. It was well worth the wait. I had lived on my own, found out who I was and what I truly wanted out of life. I had never been in love before my husband, though I thought I was. It was just the idea of love and not real love. I say enjoy this time of self discovery. It will make your future husband appreciate his well rounded wife. And it will make you appreciate that wonderful man when he comes along. And he will come along. No worries.
2006-06-15 22:53:01 · answer #8 · answered by waney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, dont fear that your life is passing you by at early 20's.
It's JUST BEGINNING! You have lots more living to do before you become tied into marriage. With the way you feel, I say please stay single for awhile. You have definitely NOT met your prince yet. Enjoy your single life to the fullest. Marriage is for a very long time.....
2006-06-15 22:53:00 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's wrong with being single? you got a guy, but your gut isn't talking to you. as the taoists call it, practice "wu-wei": doing-nothing. by not actively choosing one situation or another, the correct path will ultimately unveil itself. if he asks and you still don't feel love, tell him no. if he says it's over then, wu-wei has answered your question for you.
Eventually the right choice for you will reveal itself. don't try to wear size eights if your a size ten!
2006-06-15 22:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by mystique_365 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋