I honestly need to know how I can get back in to having sex with my husband. We love each other but just don't

Question

Is it okay to not have sex with your husband but still love him.

Answer 1

It's perfectly okay, if both of you feel the same way. But, if one of you is feeling deprived, then you are going to have problems. My rule of making sweet sweet love is to not over think it. My wife thinks about everything else first. Our business, house, things that need to be done, cars, money, and many more things. You need to just let go. Sex, or making love, is like a little mini-vacation that you can go on for a few minutes every night if you like, for free! Just let go and enjoy each other. Don't think about how long it's been. Or how quick it was over last time. And most of all if it is over quick wait 15 minutes, and do it all over again it will better the 2nd time I guarantee.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Nooooo. Believe me, even the sweetest of men need physical intmacy. So did you just recently lose your sex drive? Have you always had a healthy attitude about sex? What do you think caused this lack of interest on your part? Does you husband offer you security? Does he make you feel spaecial? Do you communicate with one another? I am not a pschiatrist, but I suggest you sit down and talk with him. Figure out where it went wrong and go see a counselor or your pastor. Even the Pastor will tell you that sex is important in a marriage. Remember, there is NOTHING godly about a dried up marriage. God intended for you to love your husband passionately and it includes love-making.

Answer 4

Do you have SEX or make LOVE? Just lying there and letting him have at it will not work in the long run. You have to see why you're not into love making. Is it because you don't enjoy it physically? Does it hurt, do you not achieve pleasure and climax? Or, is it emotional satisfaction? Did you just have a baby and you're not ready for sex?

There are a multitude of situations that could be "wrong" You both have to find out why your love life is not succeeding and come to a resolution. If it's physical pain, see a doctor try to resolve the pain. If it's emotional or psychological, talk with your husband about your feelings.

Without communication, a bad love life leads to a bad relationship. Talk it over.

Answer 5

It is okay for you to say no. If your husband cannot except that, you need to understand that you are living with an abusive person. The flip side is, sex seems to play a larger role in a man's happiness compared to a woman. People stay in relationships because they are happy. If you take away your man's happiness indefinitely, regardless of why, he will start considering ending the relationship. I've asked very sexual women if they could live without sex for the rest of their lives and they said they could be at peace with that. Ask a man and he will offer limbs over giving up sex. You should see if having him perform cunnilingus daily for you improves your sex life, I keep my wife running like a well oiled machine that way.

Answer 6

Look. I'm in the same situation. My husband wants sex around-the-clock. Me, once or twice a month is okay with me, but that does not mean I love him any less. I love to cuddle, but when I attempt to do that, he immediately takes that as a signal to "let's go!". This has caused problems for us in the past, and I suspect, more problems in the future. I don't want to lose him, but I think it's unfair for me to have to endure sex when I'm really not up to it. It wouldn't ask him to do something so intimate when I know he's not ready. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. And, if he decides to get his rocks off somewhere else, then I guess I didn't need him to begin with. I mean, I love him but I can't allow him or anyone else to control my feelings. If I allow that, then I end up losing any control over my own life and end up doing what pleases other people and not myself.

Answer 7

It's okay not to have sex with your husband but still love him. But I believe that what you lack with the sex, you have to make up in other ways.. You need some form of physical affection.

Answer 8

Hmm, I wonder which answerers are credentialed sex therapists. You might consider going to one, alone or with hubby, to discuss your unique personal situation and its causes and possible solutions or treatments.

I don't see anyone mentioning that one possible cause of libido-reduction/loss is depression - also, stress, physical illness, emotional issues, all of which may be treated or at least coped with in a way that doesn't strain your marriage. Don't be afraid to seek help, and better sooner than after one of you is considering divorce.

You ask if it is "OK" to have love w/o sex, but the real issue is to whom is it OK or not: you, your hubby, your children, your friends/family? If it's fine with you but not with the Mr., then your marriage will suffer and deteriorate.

If both of you are fine with a reduced or non-existant sex life, then I second those answers above which say you should have non-sexual intimacy: foreplay that doesn't lead to sex, romantic get-aways, spicy conversation or entertainment, cuddling and affection (including public affection - holding hands, one-arm hugs when standing together, kisses stolen at traffic lights, etc.).

So ultimately it is the two of you who need to make the decision together - and get help from a third-party friend or professional if you can't work out a long-term solution by yourselves. The final answer is not the one that gets a majority vote from among your social circle or among us online advisors. It is the one that makes both of you happy or that both of you can live with and commit to.

Answer 9

Why don't you have sex? When did you stop having sex? If you're in your 90's, I suppose you can love your husband without having sex. Look back, figure out where you stopped having sex, and why, and that will give you some clues as to how to crank things back up, so to speak.

Answer 10

Not knowing your age, I would start there. Consider how old you are. do you think it's appropriate to not be so sexually active at your age, or are you in a stage of your life where your drive should be high and you should be going at it like bunny rabbits in a pheramone factory?

Next question: what's preventing you? not enough time? that's easily fixed. you must take a vacation. It could just be a weekend somewhere, but get away from your normal life and routines. go to a cheesy hotel (or if money affords, a REALLY nice one) and be together. you don't have to go far, just out of the norm. spend time together, leave your pressures at home. when one comes to mind, acknowledge it, then let it go. get room service, order romantic foods like champagne and strawberries and chocolate and so on. try to be with him like it's the first night you two spent together.

If it's not that you're too busy, think about what's going on. Is there a physical attribute about him that's worrying you, or causing him to be unatractive? if it's minor, like a big boil in the middle of his nose, tell him it's bugging you and suggest he remove/modify it. Acknowledge that yes, it's shallow, but it's important to you that this be done. If it's a major health concern, again talk to him about it and try to work out how to get things back into a good way.

Is it something you don't like about you? perhaps you are self-consious about a little tummy. Think hard about the situation and what you can do to address it. Talk to your husband about what is going on with you and why you feel the way you do about it. ask him to be sensitive to it. Perhaps there is something different he can do while "performing" that will not bring it so much to mind.

Failing a physical flaw, there might be an emotional/mental flaw. These can cause serious rifts in a relation and need to be talked out. you can try to address them yourself, or go to therapy to get a mediator if things are bound to get ugly. If you choose to discuss it yourself, please remember to use I statements: "I feel XX when you XX (non-acusatory action) because it XX". example: "I feel hurt when you don't call me back because it feeds my insecurities. I feel uncared for and it makes it difficult to be intimate with you".

The trick is, think it through first, and then discuss it. Talk it over, and he might become more engaged and interested in doing something with you.

Good Luck!