About 2 years ago, I found some clues that another woman was in my husband's life. He will not tell me what they did or if they actually did the "deed." He says we should move on and not talk about it. He feels that it is not good for me to know everything, because of the hurt it causes me when we talk about things. The pressure was really wreaking havoc on our relationship and now we are separated. I know that I am not over it because of the crying spells or anger that I feel at times. DID HE or DIDN'T HE???? I feel that he should be a man and spill, especially if he wants to move on. Should I just let him go? I can't get over it!!!!
2006-06-15 13:12:33 · 21 answers · asked by Mir3lla 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's not protecting you - he's protecting himself, which is selfish and cowardly. It's also a lie by omission. How can you be expected to get over it if he won't even tell you what happened -you can't heal if you don't know what the injury is.
2006-06-15 13:16:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously isn't going to tell you the truth about this, so you need to just act as if. By that I mean, act as if he DID have sex with her, and adjust your life accordingly. You might want to have an AIDS test and any STD test your doctor thinks necessary. (All precautionary!!) Usually when someone won't own up to something, it means they are guilty and that there is something else to hide. Whatever he did, it has eaten at your marriage, and THAT is the important thing. Do you still love your husband? Can you trust him when he is away from you, or do you wonder where he is and what he's doing? Are you willing to just forget about this and be his wife again? If you can't, then start living your own life. Join a reading group. Become a volunteer somewhere. Join the library and take home cd's that teach you a new language. Whatever it is you do, do it to get your mind off him and the hurt. Sooner or later one of two things will happen. You will get over the hurt and can go on with your husband, or you will get over your husband and can go on with your life alone!
2006-06-15 13:28:09 · answer #2 · answered by themom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he doesn't want to confess to anything or say anything, as he has some guilt there. As to whether he did the "deed" with her or not, is really not the question. The question is, can you in your heart, given a period of time, forgive him and move on? I would also say that each situation is different. I mean some people, men or women, can forgive and move forward with counseling. Others can't ever get it out of their minds and it continues to ruin their marriage. It sounds like if you are already seperated over this, then it is heading in that direction. I think even if you are going to seperate and divorce, that you go for couples counseling. It would be a healthier way to end so that neither of you had misunderstandings and so much anger in you, that you couldn't move on and meet others in both of your lives. I always think it's such a sad situation, but as I said, you guys began this journey together and you want to end it on a note of letting go and feeling healthy about the decision. Or is there something left to save? To have an objective third party is a great way to start here. I will keep you in my thoughts and best of luck! I am sorry you have to go through hard times but we all do, and you become the stronger and wiser for it all!!!
2006-06-15 13:23:29 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he can't give you a straight answer tells me that he did cheat. If he didn't cheat he would have been able to give you a straight no. The fact that he hemmed and hawwed seems to say that yes he did cheat and wanted to avoid talking about it.
It is going to be hard to fix your relationship if he can't be honest and communicate with you. He needs to tell the whole story or you guys will not get past it because you are still a wreck over it. Communication is key in a relationship if he won't communicate with you than you can't save the relationship. Only you can make the decision to continue on to divorce but I feel that you should because he won't coommunicate with you and he's being dishonest. If you don't feel you can trust him either now or in the future than it is best that you do move on. Best of luck to you.
2006-06-15 13:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Giving a guy this a lot administration over your existence isn't sturdy for you or your new toddler, I were there and executed that you cant pressure over his whereabouts as long as he seems after his baby then no longer some thing else concerns and so a strategies as you only because you're a stay at domicile mom would not recommend so you could be unhappy Get a activity some thing that makes you smile also pray and take your baby to the park for some hours my wonderful suggestion is to get busy and push him away concentration on you and your baby's happiness and he will see that you do not choose the pressure and your no longer going to submit consisting of his drama you're nicely worth being satisfied
2016-10-30 23:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't answer the question or discuss such personal issues/items with you, then he doesn't care about YOU!! If he won't agree to counseling, then remain separated and get a divorce. If he loves you, he'll go to marriage counseling. I'm not saying he DID cheat on you, but the fact that he won't discuss this or other troublesome things is NOT GOOD!!
2006-06-15 13:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, unfaithfull husband will not said the truth about what he had do with the other woman. He will tell a lot of lies and never think he had done us wrong. If he didn't feel remorseful for what he had done and never ask us any forgiveness... that means he never realise his wrongdoing. Its up to you if you want to let go of him or not. Is it worth it for you to love this kind of man?? To feel painful everyday, when he never seems to care about your pain?? If he really love you, he will tell you the truth and ask for your forgiveness............. Sometimes I been wondering why some woman prefer unfaithfull married man.....
2006-06-15 14:09:24 · answer #7 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By not saying that he actually did, he is confessing that he did. But because he didn't say yes, you are driving yourself nuts believing that there is a possibility that he didn't. You're holding on to false hope. Tell him you believe that he did, and, if you want, tell him that you forgive him and want to leave it in the past. Uncertainty can eat at you like a cancer!
2006-06-15 13:25:17 · answer #8 · answered by Dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts and follow the advice you would give your best friend. You CAN get over anything you choose to overcome, but you cannot change him. Whether he stays or goes, you will have to get over it to be happy. You are stronger than you think. Good luck.
2006-06-15 13:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by Helpful Kim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U R making the choice not to get over it. and now u r seperated the ? is was it or is it really worth knowing or not knowing ???
If you want ur marriage choose to get over it and remember True love Never fails
2006-06-15 13:35:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋