Friday is our 5 year anniversary and our love life has been a bit ho-hum for the last several years (alright almost our entire marriage). I often wonder if he just sees me as a "nice girl" who doesn't want to try new things (when we met I was a virgin and made him wait about 18 months, I am also a Christian). He also never suggests new things and is very passive during sex- letting me be in control all the time. To try to bring some spark I convinced him to rent a hotel room for Friday night with a jet tub- to further clue him in I left him a gift this morning when I went to work (a small red bag containing a black thong, massage oil and a suggestive card). He found the gift, but didn't email or text message- I don't know if he thought I was crazy. I just don't know what else to do to get his attention. I am becoming afraid that I am going to totally put myself out there tomorrow and have him reject me. I shouldn't feel this way about my husband, should I? I just don't get reassurance.
2006-06-15 12:05:11 · 12 answers · asked by nola 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On a serious note,you definitely need to be having this kind of talk with your husband.Letting him know how you are feeling,and then you need to find out how he is feeling,Let nature take its course as well,be spontaneous once in awhile,like what every routine you both are in,shake it,by interrupting it sometimes.It doesn't have to be about the wardrobe either,it is all in the desire for one another.The gift you left for him is not going to make him think you are crazy either,just about all men like it when their mates want to show interest in that form.I don't mean to offend when i say this,but it sounds like there is more going on in your marriage than just physical here.You mentioned that he didn't call you,that there was no response,and a truly good marriage is not based on just sex either.You mentioned that you are a Christian,why don't you pray for the Lord to renew the Love and understanding between you that you both once had,you might need to do some soul searching and get to the bottom or the root to whatever is going on first,then your physical needs i am sure will follow and fall into place.Best Wishes and Good Luck!
2006-06-15 12:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by twjp1962 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you're trying, but it may need more than a spur of the moment get-a-way. You may need marriage counseling, as this has obviously gotten out of control and gone on far too long.
Also, maybe your husband picked you for your innocent qualities, as he is not too wrapped up in sexual adventures?
You never know, it sounds as if you need to begin communicating what each of you wants..and be more open in your marriage. Did you ever consider the possibility that your husband could be gay? I know that that's a long shot, but it does happen, don't mean to frighten you.
I suggest your night on the town, but don't get your hopes too high, he could react in a way which would be surprising, as it sounds as if your sex life isn't a very healthy one. Maybe he's a bit more conservative when it comes to the sex dept? Hopefully he will respond though...but I would seriously talk to him about speaking with someone professional, learning to communicate in a healthy manner. IF you feel you may be "rejected" by your husband in the first place...there are some serious issues you need to work through together.
Good luck, T
2006-06-15 12:31:35 · answer #2 · answered by tula_p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surprise him with a body massage. Buy a couples sex toy at a local adult book story and maybe even a sex board game.... Buy some whipped topping and fruit like strawberries or grapes. Get creative and have fun and spice it up... Also take a nice long bubble bath with him to help get you both in the mood and do lots of foreplay and oral. Try new posistions and ideas too and use candle light . Buy a sexy teddy and wear it for him and treat him to a great night he will never forget and also cook him a nice romantic dinner with his favorite foods to romance him and love him and with candlelight too and if you have kids take them to a sitters for the night. My wife and I are Christians too but you can still spice it up for him and make it hot lol . Buy him a nice romantic card too! Congratulations and i hope you have a great and happy time with him on your Anniversary. I wish you notht the best! Make sure to get him to the hotel and show him that you are serious and follow through! Give him a night he will never forget!
2006-06-15 12:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would let him know how important it is to get reassurance from him about how well you are doing as a whole in all areas of the relationship. As far as seducing him, it sounds like you're off to a good start. I don't know how comfortable you are about dancing to music, if so you can try a personal dance for him. If not, you cant put on some soft instrument music and get him excited!
2006-06-15 12:46:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girlfriend look here I am going through the same thing with my live in boyfriend he does everything for me but when it come to sex he can be cold as ice, but let me see if I can help you listen just go along with your plan go to the room and put on you little outfit and drink you some wine or whatever and just lay there and see what he will do, than if he doesn't come on to you just ask him baby is the firer gone, do both of you go to church. he has to realize its two to make a marriage work, but don't give up hope girl just keep on trying. Iike I said I have almost the same problem but we are not married and if this keeps up we won't be, but I believe his is a health problem he just does want to discuse it, good luck
2006-06-15 12:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I found a great game called "Speak Love Make Love." It covers both the physical and emotional aspects of sex, and paves the way for sharing thoughts and trying new things. I would highly recommend a game like this to help open doors for communication and adventure.
2006-06-15 12:41:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not try the hard love and let him know he is as exciting as cooked asparagus. Let him know it is time to be the man and get the job done. You have waited too long to put the heat on him. There is something He is not telling you and now is the time to get everything out in the open.
2006-06-15 12:13:55 · answer #7 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TRY TALKING TO HIM OR GOING TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS PROBLEM TRY LAUNJRAE AND WHEN HE COMES HOME PUT ON A SEXY POSE THEN RUN TO GREET HIM AND MAYBE THINGS WOULD WOULD GO FROM THERE BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED SERIOUSLY THAT THERTE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM
2006-06-15 12:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything will be fine, just relax and have fun, let him see that you are not all innocent and you like to let loose. Have a wonderful evening!
2006-06-15 12:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought he might be insecure or embarrast sexually? Have you tried giving him head? If not that will work. he will probably be all over you.
2006-06-15 12:10:01 · answer #10 · answered by dido45dido 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋