How do I get my 21 child off my back before I have a breakdown shes an addict and I've done it all to help

Question

I put her in for treatment but nothing seems to work I finally had to kick her out I was told by her doctors it would be the best thing for her because I enable her to do things I have 2 older daughters with no drug problems she was my youngest and even though she does not live with me she still knows how to push my buttons I am at the point of mental breakdown or suicide I can not live like this much longer She is my blood but she has done everything to me you could imagine But I can not get over kicking her out She does not drive So she is always calling please help me with the problem of what do I do I hate my life right now

Answer 1

The doctors are right, this is a case that calls for tough love. There is only so much you can do for her, the rest she has to want to do for her self. You've given all you can and it is now time for you to claim back your life and concentrate on you. You need to set boundaries with her and make it clear that any help she receives from you in the future will be based upon is it helping her help herself to get better. If it isn't then she needs to fend for herself. I know you feel guilty and all because she is your child but even a child shouldn't be allowed to take advantage of their parents. You deserve to have a happy and wonderful life and you can't do that unless you let her make her own way in the world and you concentrate on your own life.

Answer 2

Are you kidding me?

The first problem you have to address IMMEDIATELY is your feeling of suicide. It is imperative that you talk to a mental health specialist about these feelings NOW.

Your youngest child is no longer a child. She is a twenty one year old user who must be CUT OFF.

You think you cannot do this, but you can and she WILL survive.

Change your phone number. Get new locks on the door. Refuse her mail or emails and do not give in to her manipulations. Begin NOW to view her as dead!

This will sound very harsh to you and you will be tempted to abandon my advice. I have six children and thirteen grandchildren. Believe me when I tell you, all of them are gifts from God. So is your youngest daughter. But she does not deserve to take your life and your attention from the rest of your kids.

If she dies, she dies.

Trust me; she will not die and neither will you. You are the parent. BE the parent.

Answer 3

Don't let her in the house - tell her she's welcome to visit on the front porch and talk. Never give her money or, God forbid, a house key. Be SUPER careful if she's not in rehab or counselling. Tape record conversations for your possible eventual protection in court. Love her, but be aware that even though she's your blood, blood relatives kill/harm/destroy each other and you must protect yourself and your other children. You deserve your sanity and she is no longer your responsibility. You may also need therapy for yourself. Don't feel guilty - you probably were a wonderful and loving parent. Lastly, pray - because it works. Give to God the burden, and move on to a beautiful future for yourself - you deserve it!

Answer 4

I am truly sorry that you are going through this turmoil but I know people with the same problem, some who have even lost their children to overdosing but I guess my best advice is to persevere but addictions do have recoveries but its a lifetime process...God Bless!

Answer 5

Have you ever wondered about the reason of our existence? Have you ever wondered why we die, and where we go after death? What will happen to us in the end? Have you ever asked yourself why God made the earth and all that is in it under man’s dominion? Why were the night and the day, and the sun and the moon created? What are we supposed to do during our lifetime? Were we created just to eat, drink, and enjoy ourselves before we die? As one poet put it:
“I do not know whence I have come.
I saw my feet walking on the road.
As they please I go and stop.
What am I doing here?
How did the road find me?
I do not know! I do not know! I do not know! ”

God has emphasized in many verses of the Qur’an that He did not create us without purpose. He said: “What! Do you think that I created you simply in jest? And that you would not be returned to Me?” (23:115) He also said: “What! Does man think that he will be left to roam at his will?” (75:36) In addition, He said: “Do people think that they will be left to say: “We believe,” and they will not be held accountable?” (29:2)
Indeed, God Has created human beings for a purpose and with a purpose: TO WORSHIP HIM ALONE (Monotheism). He said: “I have not created the Jinn and humankind except only to worship Me. I don't require provision or feeding from them. Surely Allah is the All-provider, the Possessor of all strength, the Firm.” (51:56-58) In fact, all prophets told their people to worship God alone (Monotheism) and shun worshipping His creation (Paganism). God said: “I assuredly sent among every people a messenger with the command: Worship Allah and avoid worshipping false gods.” (16:36)
Prophet Abraham, for example, believed in One God, who had no partner. Anyone who holds a different understanding of God than this has contradicted the religion of Abraham and follows falsehood. God says in the Qur’an: “Those who reject the religion of Abraham make fools of themselves.” (2:130)
Prophet Jesus was reported in the Gospels to have said: “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only’.” (Luke 4:8)
Prophet Jacob also said (in the Qur'an) to his people: “Indeed, those which you worship besides Allah are only names that you and your forefathers have established, for which Allah has sent down no authority. The command belongs only to Allah. He has commanded that you worship none but Him. That is the right religion, but most people do not understand.” (12:40)
Read more about the TRUE BELIEVE which supported by the Miracle Holy Quran :
http://www.islam-guide.com/islam-guide.pdf

http://www.harunyahya.com

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Real happiness and peace can be ONLY found in submitting to the commands of the Creator and the Sustainer of this world. God has said in the Qur’an: (Truly, in remembering God do hearts find rest.)
(Qur’an, 13:28)

On the other hand, the one who turns away from the Qur’an will have a life of hardship in this world. God has said:
(But whoever turns away from the Qur’an, he will have a hard life, and We will raise him up blind on the Day of Judgment.) (Qur’an, 20:124)
This may explain why some people commit suicide while they enjoy the material comfort money can buy. For example, look at Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam), formerly a famous pop singer who used to earn sometimes more than $150,000 a night. After he converted to Islam, he found true happiness and peace, which he had not found in material success.
To read the stories of people who have converted to Islam, please visit

http://www.islam-guide.com/stories

At this web page, you can read the thoughts and feelings of these people, who are from different countries and have different backgrounds and levels of education.
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Answer 6

sounds cliche but pray pray pray even when u dont feel like it at ALLLLLLLLLL
n thats it! leave it to God. pray for YOURSELF as well. get support from friends/groups/Church/outreaches, u need to talk to other women going through same thing in person..... have them over, have coffee and bond. it really helps.
read good books. have only light hearted pleasurable things in your life, go buy flowers FOR YOURSELF, decorate........... buy her a nice little inexpensive gift, it will make u and her feel better... like a journal for her to write in, and flowers or whatever. just do good things and u will feel good. play your favorite music... there is still a "YOU" outside of your daughter......... go back to YOU...... listen to your fave music from before she was born............. fave movies too................. exercise/walk..................
fight evil with good it always works.dont let it get u down..... when ur always nice to someone who doesnt deserve it, they change. dont let her see u stressed, she is stressed herself and has her OWN issues. however selfish they may be.......she should do some charity work. that changes people.

Answer 7

you have to be strong she may one day get help and she will need you then until that day come pray no real harm comes her way , i feel for you i have lost a loved one to drugs but you are doing the right thing

Answer 8

hun, she is 21-- thats ADULT... if she wants help SHE has to get it, you are not able to do this for her

This is an add on, you emailed me, but i can't email you back... you can't do anything else unless you get a court order... if you can establish that she is mentally unstable you might can get her institutionalized for a while... but that may not be an option... good luck hun!

Answer 9

You cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves. You can and should, however take care of yourself!

Find yourself an Alanon group in your area for starters...

Take care of yourself and good luck...