I left a letter for my husband stating that I need more help around the house from him, or he can leave in 2 weeks. My husband suffers from chronic pain and I think that he is also depressed. I work all day (the docs won't let him), pick up the kids from the sitters (he cannot care for them all day), fix dinner, and put the kids to bed. Weekends I do laundry, wash dishes, do shopping and we visit friends in the evenings. I am so TIRED. I get no rest except for maybe an hour between putting our boys to bed and going to bed myself. While I'm at work my hubby is on the computer or sleeping most of the day. He's made dinner once in the last month and a half (I started a new job), the day I had my tubes tied. I know the ultimatum will p*** him off, but I know that this was the right thing to do. I'm off work in a half hour and I'm kind of affraid to face him. He's not a violent person, but when he's mad he shuts me out.
Any words of encouragement?
2006-06-15 11:26:56 · 10 answers · asked by kirsty h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What a hard situation! Wow.
It sounds like you're setting some boundaries. Good for you! Maybe he DOES need a little jab in the ribs to get him motivated.
You honestly can't do everything, and you shouldn't be expected to.
He can help the kids with homework, clean the toilet, make meals. Absolutely.
Just be firm. It sounds like you really respect yourself and him. You're doing the best thing for your family.
Congratulations on finally putting your foot down. You are a role model for other women, out there.
2006-06-15 11:33:08 · answer #1 · answered by babyitsyou31 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
while i agree with u in a way i dont..u cant ask him to do too much if he suffers from chronic pain and its so bad he cant even work..remember that in sickness and health thing u guys said? that comes in to play right about now! if he has pain so bad they deemed it necessary he cant regularly work then u cant ask him to strain himself...i understand u feel overwhelmed and wud like some help but its hard for him! i think ur ultimatum was a little harsh and u gave him no warning first..i wudnt kick him out..come on he is suffering! this is what marriage vows are for! when one person cant pull their weight the other has to pull some extra.
2006-06-15 18:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by ♥ YaHabibeDisney ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for finally putting your foot down - in letter form! Do not be afraid to face him - just stay strong and let him know you are serious about wanting/needing some help around the house!
Now go home and face the music!
2006-06-15 18:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay -think his chronic pain needs to addressed.That will cause depression in a man.think he shuts you out cause he can't tell you.It's a man thing honey.I was a superwomen for thirty years.Did everything,kids grown he had affair-hit road jack.wouldn't accept counseling.now grown kids have all kinds of problems.Had no support system back in 60's.ultimatums are kind of defeating.Tell him how you feel and that you are concerned about his shutting you out.mine was abusive,had emotional level of a three year old
2006-06-15 18:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by pepsi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground! You're not asking him to paint the house ... just to help out a little.
You might plan your grocery shopping around a few crock pot meals, he could throw those together in the morning and they'd be ready when you get home.
Good Luck .. hope this works out for you!
2006-06-15 18:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by flamingo_sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a maid then or have someone come over and help with the house work... You also may need marriage counseling here. If you husband is not well you need to love him where he is at and have someone help him if it cant be you.... Is he on pills for his pain at all?
2006-06-15 18:40:07 · answer #6 · answered by Fast Steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my father was never around "physically" when we were kids, that was not due to chronic pains, but depression and drinking. i am 19 and he just started going to see a therapist it is the best thing for him, i suggest marriage counsling. Does he appreciate what you do and does he tell you he does?
2006-06-15 18:33:19 · answer #7 · answered by LEFTY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.. MY HUBBY ISNT WORKING JET WE JUST MOVED FROM CA TO NV, AND I GUT A JOB 2 WEEKS AGOE.. THERE FOR HE STAYS AT HOME TAKING CARE OF OUR 4MONTH OLD BABY.... AND AT NIGHT HE HELPS PREPARE TH EBOTTLES AT 3:00AM.. IT IS CALL A TEAM.... THATS WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ABOUT...
2006-06-15 18:31:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns. I will keep you in my thoughts tonight. One question, why isnt he on medication for his problems?
2006-06-15 18:49:47 · answer #9 · answered by Stewiesgal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns ,be ready to force him to talk to you about it.
2006-06-15 18:30:48 · answer #10 · answered by Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋