Im bored somebody make me laugh. send me a funny joke.?

Answer 1

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Answer 2

''How to Keep a Woman Happy*"It's not difficult ?
All you have to do is to be: A friend, companion, lover, brother, father, master, chef, electrician, carpenter, plumber, mechanic, decorator, stylist, sexologist, gynecologist, psychologist, pest exterminator, psychiatrist, healer, good listener, an organizer, good father, very clean, sympathetic, athletic, warm, attentive, gallant, intelligent, funny, creative, tender, strong, understanding, tolerant, prudent, ambitious, capable, courageous, determined, true, dependable and passionate
**WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:**
Give her compliments regularly, Love shopping, Be honest, Be very rich, do not stress her out, do not look at other girls
**AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:**
Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself, give her lots of time, especially time for herself, give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes and never forget her birthdays, anniversaries, arrangements she makes.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :
1. Leave him in peace, NO Nagging (very, very, very important).
2. Feed him well.
3. Let him have the remote control

Answer 3

What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball? Well a man will SPEND 20 minutes looking far a golfball.

Answer 4

a couple is in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo and the man sais to his wife "come on honey show him some of your leg and lets see what he does" the woman sais no but after a time he eventually persuades her. To which the gorilla starts jumping and making gorilla noises. Then the man sais "come on honey just show him some of your bottom and lets see what he does" to which his wife sais no but after a time he eventually persuades her. The gorilla gets even more agitated and makes even more noise. So the man sais to his wife "come on honey just show him one breast, just one" to which his wife sais "no way!" but of course he persuades her. Now the gorilla is going crazy jumping up and down and screaming as loud as he can. The man then pushes his wife in the cage and sais "now tell the gorilla you have a headache"

Answer 5

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

"Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" 'Both, son.' "Daddy, is God black or white?" 'Both, son.' "Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"


42 tHINGS tHAT wIll mAK yOUR pARENTS gO cRAZYx 1. Follow them around the house everywhere... 2. Moo when they say your name... 3. Run into walls... 4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion... 5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine... 6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"... 7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"... 8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time... 9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"... 10. Do what they actually tell you... 11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly... 12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people... 13. At everything they say yell, Liar... 14. Try to swim in the floor... 15. Tap on their door all night... 16.Pretend to have amnesia... 17.Say everything backwards... 18.Give yourself a swirly... 19.Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "the sun!!! it's dying!!!"... 20.Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...in your underwear... 21.Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times... 22.Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder... 23.Run in circles... 24.Recite a whole movie 3 times... 25.Pretend to beat yourself up... 26.Slither everywhere... 27.Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement... 28.Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way... 29.Super glue your finger up your nose... 30.Talk to a pen... 31.Lay face down and chant like an indian tribe... 32.Try and climb the wall... 33.Spread out on the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly... 34.Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn... 35.Put pegs on your nose and eyes... 36.Switch the light button on and off for a while. then say, "ooooh... I get it!!!"... 37.Eat your hair... 38.Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal... 39.Eat anything obviously not edible... 40.Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house... 41.When you shower or bathe yell, "i'm drowning!!!"...<42.Try to snorkel in your fish tank...

jus to name a few

Answer 6

a blond just graduates from college and tells her Friend ahead ask me any thing' so then her Friend says OK whats the capital of Nebraska then the blond says oh that's easy its the N (get it N is the capital letter of Nebraska)

Answer 7

Why did George Bush save his virginity until he became president?















































So he could screw the whole world at once!

Answer 8

what will white cat say when black cat falls down,...........................dont try to be intelligent it will only say meow. ALSO another A man went in a hotel and asked the waiter do u serve crabs.The waiter said,We serve every one relax and have a seat.

Answer 9

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer 10

Q:whats the difference between a frog and a horny toad??
A. a frog says ribbit ribbit and a horny toad says rub it rub it!!