would you rather be alone or unhappy?

Question

been married for a while. five to be exact.....i donrt think i am happily married though......he has not done a thing to me...its just that i am not me. i tried...but i wonder weather i should linger on since we have a year old son or pack up and call it quits!

Answer 1

linger on its a faze, you have a child together. ask yourself this could you find someone better? nobodys perfect. we all have our faults, talk to him and tell him how you feel. have a holiday together as a family. make a change. maybe you just need to break the monotomy of routine. kids grow up better with both parents. marriage is a job you have to work at it. good luck.

Answer 2

I lived with my girlfriend and her two sons for five years, we had been going out for two years before that. I was suffering from depression (caused by some neurological problems that are now resolved) but last year we split up - 25th June to be exact. I moved into a little rented flat and she stayed in the big (6 bedroom) house we owned. A year later and I'm still waiting to be paid over £25,000 from where she 'bought me out' but although I miss the boys terribly overall I'm happier because we were bringing each other down.

If you are really unhappy so will your husband be, and this will - maybe only in small ways, but it will nevertheless- be showing to your child. They will intuitively sense the tension in the air. Don't worry about the money, just think that splitting up gives you both a chance to be happy with someone else. I took on two boys quite happily and most of the 'girls' I see now are mothers, and I don't think I'm unusual in accepting a package, you will still be an attractive proposition if you are a decent person. It will hurt both of you like hell at first but in time if your husband really loves you he will let you go for your sake.

Do it now but do it responsibly and without laying or accepting blame. Good luck!

Answer 3

five years is a long time to be married you have obviously been together a long time. Have you always been unhappy? You could just be bored, some couples take each other for granted after so long and get into a routine. Try to spice things up and keep the relationship alive. Your lucky that you found someone who treats you well, you could be with someone who is more fun but isn't nice. You should never stay with someone for child's sake, if your mind is made up and have tried everything you can to be "Happy" then leave. But what exactly are you looking for, what is "happily married" and do you love him?

Answer 4

I was with my last partner for six yeary and was unhappy at times and also felt that being alone must be better than this. But think very carefully before you decide. I am alone now and have never been more unhappy. Being used to being in a relationship I've never been so lost. I have lots of friends an a great family but its never the same as having another half someone that knows you better than you know yourself. It's not that easy to find someone else, I know any of the men I meet now at my age (31) are big kids and only want you ther when it suits them . God forbid a woman might interfere with their lads routine. Maybe their are a few good men left but they are thin on the ground.

Answer 5

I was going to give you a long and detailed answer, but I've decided to boil it down to this: sometimes, when you're bored and unhappy, you wish you were alone -- and sometimes, when you're alone, you wish you were with someone (anyone). You can't win if you look at it as one or the other.

Here's what you do instead (and my wife and I have done this to great success): help each other realize that your happiness as individuals is as important as your happiness as a couple, then support each other in pursuing individual interests and activities, as well as join each other in pursuing new interests and activities together.

For example, a few years ago I took a three-day camping trip by myself, because my wife doesn't like to hike and I do. I had a great time, but by the end of the second day I missed her, and so I came back early.

Another example: sometimes our mutual friends have activities, and since we now have kids, sometimes we get a babysitter -- but sometimes, one of us stays home with the kids while the other goes out, just to have a night away from the other.

Here's another: we have a standing agreement to take one shared vacation a year, and one separate vacation a year. We don't always take our separate vacations, but if one of us is bored, we do.

The important thing to remember is this: if you have someone (so that you don't have to be alone), but that someone lets you take some time to yourself to pursue things that interest you and get some alone time (so that you don't have to be bored), you get the best of both worlds.

Just make sure you (and he) realize that you're not necessarily bored with each other -- you're just two people, and you can't be whole, complete and emotionally healthy unless you realize your happiness as individuals is as important as your happiness as a couple.

Answer 6

It's possible to be alone and not lonely, and it is possible to be lonely and not alone. I'd much rather be alone. Sounds like you would, too.

FYI - it is almost impossible to have a marriage in which only one party is happy. If you're unhappy, your hubby knows it, and it makes him unhappy.
Eventually, your child will pick up on it, and he will be unhappy and won't even know why. Or, he may think he is the reason for your unhappiness, since your only reason for considering staying is for the child.

It's better to have two parents in two different homes who are both happy than to have two parents in the same home who are unhappy.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Alone. I have just left my husband after 28yrs because I was so unhappy. It gets lonely sometimes but I dont regret it for a minute. I was probably lonelier while with him. Dont do what I did and just let it trundle along I wish I had left years ago. I have 2 sons ad they are both much happier now because their mum is happier. Take your son and start again and good luck.

Answer 8

I have decided that I would rather be alone than unhappy. As a woman, chances are you will always be able to find someone to keep you company. Don't worry about the future...it will work itself out. Worry about making sure you're happy. You only live once.

Answer 9

I asked myself this many times during my over 8 years of marriage. I thought I would rather be unhappy because my husband convinced me I couldn't make it on my own. Left a few weeks ago with 2 young kids and we are doing great. It feels good to be free and away from his emotional abuse. I am glad I am no longer scared to be alone.

Answer 10

I've been through this recently. I would be unhappy alone. I decided to stick it out because divorce only creates more problems and doesn't solve the ones you have. You would probably be bored with the next guy too. You need to do something to find yourself again without sacrificing your family or your relationship with your baby's father. I would do what you can to hang on to it. What you have is rare.