Should I leave my trifling wife?

Question

I am sick with cancer and my mom is here taking care of me. My wife has never been much of a houswife. She just recently started taking care of her own kids. My wife is more a career woman than a homebody. She tries but she just doesn't fit the bill. My mom runs circles around her in the cleaning cooking and pampering department. She is more attentive to my needs. She is available for me 24/7. For example. One night at 2am I nudged my wife awake to aske her to bring me a glass of water. I have a terminal illness and am bedridden so I can't do these things for myself. She gets up with an attitude and brings it. I don't have to worry about that with my mom. She does everything I ask with a smile. My wife quit her job and stopped going to school she says to take care of me, but, she doesn't do half the things my mother does. My mom wants to leave and go back down south because my insecure wife doesn't want her around. I know I will not recieve the care I have been getting once my mom goes

have aches and pains all the time. I ask my mom for a massage and get it with no questions. My wife moans when I ask her and then gives me half of a massage. I can count on my wife financially but she just can't cut the mustard where it really matters. She is super lazy! I knew this when I married her but I really need her now. I am going away with my mom. I know for sure my needs will be met with her. I don't trust my wife to take care of me at all. She's incompetent.

Another thing is she can't get over the past either. I cheated on her repeatedly throughout the marraige and I have told her how sorry I am, but, she keeps bringing it up. I am ill and I can't deal with her drama right now. I need to be in a good frame of mind so I can heal. She is going to kill me with her constant nagging and whining. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

If you knew how she was before you married her, how can you expect her to be a different person now that you are ill?

Further, repeated cheating brings consequences. Sadly for you they are coming at an inopportune time.

I am truly sorry that you are ill and I hope that you find some kind of peace. If that means going with your mom, then you should do so.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Your wife quit her job because it was her duty to take care of you. Because she will look bad in front of her co workers it is an obligation. She will never forgive you for cheating on her and knows if the tables were turned you would be gone in a heartbeat or cheating on her again. And the only reason your not cheating on her is because your ill and you deserve this illness because you were a bad husband. Actually you will be doing her a favor by leaving because it won't make her look bad because and it is to late to bring the past on how she stayed all the times you cheated on her because you are sick. I am sure she is wishing she never should have taken you back. As far as your mother is concerned mothers are supposed to love their children unconditionally and she will always take better care of you. Don't complain about your wife because very few would stay in the same situation especially a man usuallly leave their wives durning a crisis. Just learn from this situation and if God gives you a second chance at life don't screw it up and be a better person and a better husband.

Answer 3

Doesn't sound like you have much of a marriage or that your wife loves you...I'd be talking to her about her attitude and your needs and see if she can justify the way she has been... give her some chance to meet your needs but with a short leash (figuratively of course)...[the following is added after you added you cheated on n her], perhaps your cheating was a symptom of your carelessness for her and perhaps it is your time to suffer in the marriage... unfortunately not great timing but I bet her finding out that you were sr3wing someone else was good timing for her either...[end of addition]

The last thing you need is to lose your mother's help by letting your wife dominate the house with her attitude...

Also, either way you should phone around and see if their is any hospice care services available free of charge in your community... You will all need their services to get a break from each other...

Good luck

Answer 4

Well she hasn't cheated on you, so don't call her trifling. I guess she can't get over the fact that you ran around on her. If you are so comfortable with your mom taking care of you, then I'd suggest that when your mom leaves, you go with her. Make sure that the insurance policy and will are up to date, so you don't leave the kids without anything. Don't leave your wife anything if you resent her that much. There is really not a good answer here and I am truly sorry for your illness.

Answer 5

You can't expect your wife to be a mother. A wife and mother are 2 very different things. You need to speak to your wife about her insecurity and hope that she sees things your way.

I understand that you need care, so maybe you should get a carer rather than relying on your mother? If you are terminally ill then it will get to a stage where your mother cannot look after you anyway.

To be honest, my dad had cancer and he relied on his wife (my mum) all through his illness and she never complained once.

But It's really up to you. It would be a very big decision.

Answer 6

before you really consider going with your mom, I would have a serious discussion with your wife. I've done my research and found that many men are afraid to tell women how they truly feel about the things they've done or felt towards their spouse (in your case, it would benefit to tell her how sorry you feel about the cheating, and how much you truly love her still). Mostly it's a pride issue. I know because my bf is in the Army and lives up to the "macho" persona, and we're still working on expressing true feelings...the whole thing takes time, but I would discuss with your wife your plans to leave with your mother, just to give your wife one last chance to stay with you. Sounds like she needs to understand how you feel about her TODAY, not how you felt about her when you were newlyweds. Trust me, if you tell her your feelings and she doesn't respond, then you'll have your answer and i suggest you leave with your mother, because she doesn't love you anymore. If, on the other hand, you tell her how you feel and she talks about her side of things (and...you listen intently) and really starts to consider things from your persepective, then stay with your wife...it all really depends on how you feel for her NOW, not whenever you guys got married. Hope that helps some...I'm done lecturing now.

Answer 7

Well I'm sorry ur sick, but if i was ur wife, i'd left ur sorry butt the 1st time u cheated, i'd talk to ur wife and tell her the way u feel, she should be open to a divorce espeacially after u treated her like crap, maybe she feels like u deserve what ur going through. I really hope u get better, split with ur wife and let ur mom take care of u, ur wife will be better off and so will you.

Answer 8

Thats a tough one to answer. Maybe she has stress, etc. I would try and talk to her about this and let her know how you really feel, and maybe you should see how she feels about it too. I mean if she didn't like you she would have left you because you can't do anything for her either?!?! I would probably go through a marriage counselor, they are trained to deal with this sort of thing. Anyway you have to realize what she is going through too, she has to pretty much wear the pants is what it looks like, and that can be stressful. I'd talk to her about it let her know how you feel and ask her how she feels. I mean you married her knowingly so.....

Answer 9

that is one hell of a dilema. I'm sorry for your illness, and hope you are doing good as you can be.

As for your wife, I don't know if you should leave her, but she should be there for you more. Like you said you knew she was lazy when you married her so its not like she's doing it on purpose. You should be happy she didn't leave you when you cheated, I would have. But, she forgave you obviously so she needs to let go of the past. My advice to you is tell her she shapes up or your out!

Answer 10

first thats good she aint helping you allot because you cheated on her twice or more, i would not even be with you if you had cheated once on me.
be glad she helps you some time., if you knew back then she was lazy how can you expecter her to be know.
and well give her a divorce and go with youre mom.
theres no other person better than youre mom, to take care of you. also how can you expecter to not go to work if you are not working neder. if she dont work and you dont work, how is it going to be in youre life. how are you going to pay youre bills and all that. think.