why my housband prefers going out with his friends after work than spending time with me and our dother?

Question

the first 3 years were great,he was always home after work...taking me out all the time.shortly after our dother was born..he started to go out with his friends ..and it gotten worse this past year...i dont know what to do,i asked him why and he says it's just relaxing for him to hang out with friends and watch some football.....am i worrying too much over nothing?

Answer 1

What's your favorite food? Something that no matter when you see it on a menue, or have a chance to make it at home, you know you'd be in the mood for it?

Now imagine if for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every day, you could eat nothing else. You'd start to miss the other foods, and no matter how much you love your favorite meal, you need to eat other things to stay healthy and appreciate when you do get to have it.

Talk to him. Try to find a balance. Try to set a twice or three times weekly family night, for games, movies, outings, or anything else to spend time as a family, but also let him have his time to keep his relationships with friends. He needs both to be happy, and if you can arrange it so that he still has his football nights, but also has family time scheduled, he can still have the best of both.

I suggest a non-rigid schedule, one day of the weekend, two weeknights that can be moved around based on his friends schedules so that no one is trying to control the other's time. Also, see if he'll spend a night each week alone with her, while you go enjoy some time with YOUR friends. If you do that, it will help you understand why he needs his family time and friend time to relax. Plus, it will get a little stress off of your shoulders.

Answer 2

My previous marriage, I had these symptoms--but that was because I was unhappy with my marriage and because I was too passive to communicate effectively with my then-wife. I was also resenting many things I felt forced to do, my priorities were indeed screwed up. I learned my lesson after the divorce and have been the best father I can be at all times now, and I regret many of the things I did or did not do. My suggestion to you is to close down your computer right now and talk until your voice is almost hoarse (don't yell), and then talk again. Your relationship is obviously important to you--now show him why it should be to him as well; and if it doesn't work out, you will at least have some solace in being the active person in trying to make things work. Either way, right now it's not fair to you or your daughter and I would hate to see another child neglected!

Answer 3

If he came home and spent time with you and your daughter for 3 years, that's good...I'm not saying that things have gotten old, but sometimes men like a change of scenery. It doesn't mean that hes' out there doing something he's not supposed to be doing...He's just simply found a better way of relaxing after a long day of work....As long as hes not neglecting the 2 of you completely, you should be ok...

Answer 4

It is because his priorities are messed up. He is putting others above you and your marriage and daughter and this is just not right. He needs to start taking you places with him and stuff like that. Talk to him and ask him why he no longer wants to be with you. Offer to go out with him and take your daughter to a sitters. Tell him to have his friends over to your house at times so that he is still with you. Tell him you will have the party and the popcorn and hot dogs made and sodas and stuff ready and they can come over and watch football at your house. I dont think you are worrying too much over nothing. I can understand why you feel the way you do. I hope it gets better for you soon and if you need to talk i am here and by the way start going out with your girlfriends and hang out too and take your daughter with you. Go shopping and out to eat and visit them at their houses. Dont sit around the house and be bored. If he can have his friends you can have yours too!

Answer 5

You're being too passive. The next time he goes over to "watch the game", go with him. It won't be as much fun with you tagging along and he'll spend a lot more time at home.

You have to put your foot down and quit walking on eggshells around this guy. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and tell him to stay at home and play with his own kids instead of watching football with someone else's.

Answer 6

Its hard to go out and do things with kids but he does need to think of you. What about your relaxing time, is he willing to stay home with your daughter while you go out with friends? Why don't you try getting a sitter and asking if you could join him. If your feelings are hurt you are not worrying over nothing-you are important and so are your feelings---Good Luck.

Answer 7

After 3 years I think it would be worried about it.
Talk to him. Tell him you want him to spend more time with you and your daughter. After he is gone all day at work it isn't fair for the child not to get some time with her dad either.
I would tell him if he wanted to watch football with his friends to bring the friends over to his house. See if he will.....☺

Answer 8

You cant force him to come home! but Ill tell ya once they got you saddled up with kids ,they know you wont stray .So time for a sitter a few days a week ,just get it lined up and say Ill meet at home at the usuall time you come home.No details given ! He will ask where are you going?U will say I thought since you get home at .......I would get out till then and do something.He will think twice about the little woman getting out of her place.thts men for ya ! out smart em!

Answer 9

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. AFTER I HAD MY SON 3 MONTHS AGO, MY HUSBAND DID THE SAME THING. HE TOLD ME IT HELPED TO DEAL WITH THE STRESS OF KNOWING HE HAD SOMEONE ELSE TO PROVIDE FOR. WE HAD A TALK AND I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT WHEN HE DIDN'T COME HOME LIKE HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH US. IT HAS GOTTEN A LITTLE BETTER AND HE TRIES TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH US THAN HE DID. JUST SPILL YOUR GUTS ON HOW YOU FEEL WHEN HE DOES THIS AND MAYBE HE WILL COME HOME MORE TOO.

Answer 10

i went thru the same thing a couple of years ago with my own Husband, He gave the same answer so, after that when ever he came in from work I would have his favorite snack waiting,the game on a cold drink and a little something sexy....... try it for a week.