Should I try to save my marriage or move on?

Question

I never cheated on my husband(had many opprtunity). Tried to be a good wife and be supportive.We had a kid together 4 yrs ago.He is really good looking & he acted like he's too good for me.While finishing college and working fulltime I went to the gym and really kept my self up. Recently I found out that he cheated on me w/ some extra on set (he's movie electrician).I wasn't so suprised since he had mentioned to his friends about our sex life & that he wanted more. He's the only man I've been w/ & I don't have experience. I've got a good job & financially secure.I moved out into an apt. w/ my girl after his affair. I'm trying to get my life together. I'm concentrating on my girl.Anyway now my husband keeps calling me & begging me to come back saying he'll never find anyone like me.He has broke it off w/that other girl.He wants to go to counseling w/ me. But I feel insecure w/ him now and feel like giving thi guy at work a chance.This guy is so smart , cute and really interested in me

The freaky part is that girl is pissed off at me for him leaving her and she keeps calling my work asking me to leave him alone. I told her that she can have him but he doesn't want her back and I'm caught in the middle.

Answer 1

Stay away from the husband and give the new guy a chance. You know that your husband is a cheater, and "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" You are a rare woman in the world today,... only had one man, and never cheated. You desreve a good, decent man in your life........and sorry, but your husband is not it! Move on with your life. Give this guy a chance.....I think you'll be pleasnatly surprised. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Okay. I'll chime in. I've read all the other answers. I'm going to speak from the perspective of someone going through a divorce. In mine, there's no infidelity ... as far as I know. That said, infidelity or not, the issue that's been pounded into my head by friends, family, therapists, counselors, lawyers, etc. has been this: What about the kids? There are only a few things that by law warrant an immediate divorce: insanity and abuse (drugs, alcohol, physical). All others get clumped as "irreconciable differences". That's for those who don't have a solid reason like my situation.

Anyway, the most important things to think about here is the kids and you. I'll tell you now, there is no good divorce and there are no children that come out of one unscathed. They don't necessarily show it outwardly, but the DEFINITELY internalize their pain. (Sorry. I don't have the URL of the article I read for that.) Kids will literally have a "split personality" because they have to act a certain way in front of mom and differently in front of dad. That's what screws them up. Not the actual divorce.

As for the other dude, you should think long and hard why this guy is attractive to you. Is it because you seek companionship? Lonely? Why is this important? Because everyone will tell you the same thing nowadays, move on. But is that the answer? Only you can decide. If the office dude is a rebound and rebounds never work, you're going to screw yourself up mentally more. Maybe so much, you may neglect your kid. In medicine, they always say that relapse is worse than the disease. The same is in relationships. You need to be patient. You'll move on. Whether it's with someone else or, heaven forbide it actually be against popular vote, you husband.

Above all, there has to be a total committment on both your parts to the entire healing process. This process can take years because trust has been shaken. But if he faulters in the process, then you know where he stands. I'm not saying you MUST give him a chance. In the least, you need to both go to therapy where a trained third party can draw out the problem but help provide solutions to you as a person.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

I think you should give you try and work it out not for the kid but for yourself. Think about when the to of you got married it was for good and bad and you are at a low point right now . Yes you can take care of yourself and you can find someone Else but will he make you laugh,smile ,touch you the way your husband did.Let him know if you get back with him he must tell you what he want out of the relationship it has to be more than sex cause he had sex with someone Else and it only made him happy for a time but he knew where home was an he want you. I hope you work it . I think he wanted attention from you now he has it good or bad he has your attention

Answer 4

Screw your husband for get that loser see whats up with the new guy I bet he's better in bed than your husband. See that's were we go wrong thinking our first is good in bed. but we be so wrong get you a new piece. Let him see you with some one else let him beg he will cheat again he only came back to you because the other girl doesn't want him. Tell him you don't want him either it's been one happiness is being without him don't even except his calls. He's on bull look how long it took for him to ask you back after he's been laying up with you don't know who. Do you really want him back if he loved and respected you he would have never cheated. and he want have a problem doing it again so love your self enough to move on.

Answer 5

i'm sooooooo sorry to inform you this in spite of the undeniable fact that the merely reason someone may favor to flow out may be to be able to sleep with somebody else - there is little (some) wish that a courting will survive a smash-up of this importance - that's achievable - even as the fellow realizes what they were giving up yet extra commonly than not is the choose for someone to 'take a smash' as a way to pursue somebody else - you are able to restoration the marriage residing jointly, you are able to try jointly yet when you're 'aside' - not some thing is getting resolved . . . extra prices, extra rigidity, extra hardship . . . i comprehend absence makes the middle enhance fonder - take a vacation or visit a acquaintances for some weeks .. . transferring out skill i'd really stay without you in my existence (once you've moved in) . . .

Answer 6

For now, you are married. Going out with any other man is still cheating on the marriage that you are still in. Stay on your own - don't go back to him yet. You need to go to a lot of counseling first. The biggest issue is trust....be sure you can get over what he did and let it go. If not, get out and move on! If he knows he will never find anyone like you, then why did he even bother trying to find someone better?

Answer 7

Okay, so your husband cheated. He deserves to be forgiven this one time. If he does it again, leave him. You both made a commitment to one another; give your family one more chance. There's everything to gain by doing so. I'm not condoning what he did; it was wrong. He's human and makes mistakes - we all do. If he doesn't learn from his mistake, then take the matter further, and get on with your life. I must also say that if you do choose to forgive him, then you really need to try to let it go. As easy as it is to say it, its 100 times harder to do. But always keep in mind.... your family is worth it! Good luck!!!!

Answer 8

It's hard to trust someone who you KNOW has abused your faith in the past. But sometimes people make mistakes, and only realize what they had when it's gone. The big question is- do you still love your husband? If yes, I would give counseling a try. At this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain back. Only you can know if your feelings have taken too hard a hit to recover.

Answer 9

What is important to you? Your family or the chance of a new life? Do you feel in your heart that you want your marriage to work or want to move on? Try setting up a meeting with your ex and see if he had changed (or grown up). You will be able to tell within the first hour. But don't rush anything. You don't want to jump out of one problem into another. Good luck and take care of yourself and your child.

Answer 10

Go for the new guy, chances are your husband will keep on cheating. He is probably just between lovers. Do you want to live with the distrust for the rest or your life? No matter what people say, the hurt never really goes away.