When we met, he was having terrible divorce, he has 3 kids. I have none. For the 1st 2 years we were harassed by xwife, legal probs, kid probs. She is still causing trouble. now he may get 2 of 3 kids (when oldest's support stops). I have my own home, career, great job. I dont want to commit to having the kids there without a commitment from him. He says no, we fight too much, cant happen. Ex wife is usually the root of our fights, she is abusive, ignorant and neglectful to kids, and rude to everyone. He defends her & it drives me crazy, so we fight. Any suggestions?
2006-06-15 08:39:49 · 15 answers · asked by hansy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can't believe the number of ignorant responses you got.
I've been in a similar situation as you, my ex wife has difficulties and the children live with me and my wife (I have remarried).
I also don't like it when my wife criticizes ex-wife. I know my ex is far from perfect, but she is still the childrens mother and deserves some respect. Criticizing the ex-wife is not helpful...just don't do it.
I understand their are many issues with children, step moms and biological moms. It's not a competition and it's often best to let things go when it comes to issues if the ex. Let your partner deal with her, tell him your preferences but don't criticize her.
As far as him not wanting to get married probably stems from the diaster of his first marriage. It is hard for both of you. I understand your need of a commitment from him and I also understand why he wouldn't won't to.
You need to talk to him quietly...does he love you....you seem to love him...if he won't marry you out of his love for you then you will have to decide if life is better as it is or better looking for another relationship.
2006-06-15 09:11:16 · answer #1 · answered by northwestguy45 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get some family counseling RIGHT NOW!!! After 7 years you guys should have come to some sort of settlement on kids, the ex-wife, living arrangements, and other vitally important issues.
If you want this guy to continue to be a part of your life, you have to be strong, make steadfast, firm decisions and not get pushed around by the ex. OR you need to consider the possibility of moving on with your life without this guy, his kids and all the drama. Its as simple as that.
2006-06-15 08:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
deep down he is loyal to the idea that marriage and having children is a commitment for life, so I have to give him credit for that and for being honest.
you have given him seven years of your life, stood by him through all his tribulations, and you have a home and a good job.
It is completely wrong of him to refuse to make the commitment to you that would validate the relationship but I think it's just weakness. He can't let go of the bond to his family, not even to recognise that his first marriage is over.
One more thing: you may have entered the relationship with him wholeheartedly but you don't seem to have fully realised that you were getting damaged goods. He knew that he needed you for emotional support and for sex when he became involved with you and it may be that you are asking for a depth of relationship ie marriage that he can't see that he needs from you. He's happy enough with the way things are.
You may have to put him out of your home and let him fend for himself before he notices that he has any true love for you.
Or it may just be that he doesn't want to repeat the same mistake of signing that paper. It's too hard to get out of when things go wrong.
2006-06-15 09:07:49 · answer #3 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee, don't you want happiness? Why are you clinging to this guy? From the outside, it appears that he is more trouble than he is worth. If after 7 years you can't see this for yourself, you need to see a professional.
I think you are a "fixer". You think that feeling needed is equivalent to feeling loved. You said yourself that you are self supporting and independent so you should be able to find someone that is as deserving of your time as you are theirs. All the fighting is not good. You can be happier and deserve to be. Break lose from this guy and start living.
Be strong, Good luck!
2006-06-15 08:50:44 · answer #4 · answered by nighthawk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know as well as I do that it is time to move on with your life...what the hell are you waiting for, and why are you asking questions like this? I suggest that you tell him to get a place of his own TODAY, start a decent life without his kids and without his ex. Surely you can do better than this!
2006-06-15 08:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget him. If he will not commit to you, he will never commit after 7 years.
You can find some one else. He is out there.
But staying in a relationship to be in a relationship is not good for you.
You do not have kids nor any other reason to stay.
Good Luck
2006-06-15 09:11:29 · answer #6 · answered by javarick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave.
Why should you wait around for him?
Ultimatum or not I told my bf that if he didn't propose to me after 3 years I would leave and he knew I meant it that why he got my ring before the three years was up and he likes being married as much as I do.
But then again we don't fight all that much.
2006-06-15 08:47:29 · answer #7 · answered by Addie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants you to raise his kids and doesn't want to marry you? It sounds like he wants to use you without any comittment so he can leave when it suits him. Do you want any kids of your own, and would you have them without being married? He needs you more than you need him, but I don't think he loves you. Dump this loser and let him handle his problems by himself. You can do better.
2006-06-15 08:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by DJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he still likes his wifey, if i were you i'd just tell him to get out unless he propses or something other than that he's basically gonna keep on taking your crap cause of his kids. it's hard out here to make it and if you aren't ready like he is then you need a shoulder to lean on emotionally and moral and financially you got you figure out whether you want to be that shoulder or not.
2006-06-15 08:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by oaklandolee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest moving on - like yesterday.
2006-06-15 08:47:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋