I have fallen for my friend, he says he is str8 but there are things to say otherwise. what do i do? tell him?

Question

I have known this guy for about 2yrs. we really didnt become friends until this past spring. I had a party, and that night he found out I was gay. it was after that night we started hanging out a LOT and have gotten very close. One day we were at the pool and he started asking me all these questions about being gay. we have gotten a lot closer since the pool incidence, and i am almost certain that he has given me little hints or clues that he may like me, or at least be curious about being gay. He had a girlfriend, of 2 yrs. and they broke up, just found out taht they are back together, I have really started to like him and i really want to tell him how i feel and see if there is a mutual feeling. The biggest kicker is the 2 of us are going to his condo next week for 5 days. i really want to tell him im crushing, but dont want to ruin anything from happening. Do i tell him before we go, while we are at the beach or not at all. I believe Honesty is Key in relationships.

now he is supposed to spend the first day with his ex, but then the rest of the time its just us. the ex is like 45 mins. away.
is that another ploy, or distraction to see my reaction?
do i just let all flow and go with whatever happens?

Answer 1

Your so lucky...flow with it!!!

Answer 2

You've answered your own question. Honesty is key in relationships.

It will do nothing for your friendship with this guy if you head off to the condo and you feel miserable because you want what you can't have. Similarly, if he is interested in trying it on with you - he could do with a few signs from you, maybe?

If it is going to happen, then you both really need to know what the other is thinking. My spidey sense isn't bad but even I can't always tell what someone else is thinking. This sort of thing can lead to bitter disappointment - when you substitute what they are thinking with what you'd like for them to be thinking...

...and the only way to solve that is to TALK IT OUT.

One other thing to consider - if he is your friend and you do the business together - what happens to your friendship afterwards?

"Well I was just curious BUT I don't think I could look at you again and not think about what we did, Eeeewww!Gross!" (worst case scenario).

So be honest with how you feel, make sure he's honest about what he wants and how he feels. A little disappointment now, should he burst your bubble, is a lot less painful (and shorter) than the torture of an unrequited love.

Needless to say, I would wish that you go to his condo and resurface, five days later; glowing in the warmth you have for one another - at the start of a long term commitment.

Answer 3

I'll tell you my little situation and what i've done.

I don't have too many guy freinds. (for a reason). Most of the guys that i do hang out with, i end up with a crush on them. They ask me questions, and i know it is just out of curiosity. Sometimes they get a little personal, but i don't mind. I find i get a crush on them when they do something really nice for me, but then i take it in and read too much into it. I have offered my "services" to a couple if they were ever in need, but i don't expect them to say yeah (most of the time we were drunk). I don't thing trying to start a relationship is a good idea with a friend. I would rather have friends than to ruin a friendship just because i had a stupid crush. If anything were to happen let it happen on its own. If he's throwing hints, think about how big a hint it is. You can throw a few back but don't make it obvious. He don't really know what he is doing, maybe he just wants to have a few questions answered, maybe more, maybe not. Me i wouldn't say nothing. In your situation i would just wait.

Answer 4

If you say something you are opening yourself up for regection, a lot of akwardness, and possibly the loss of a friend.
If he has a girlfriend then I would say that it would be even more akward and less likely that anything good would come out of it.
I imagine there has been flirting, if you are so interested in this guy just increase the flirting and see how he responds, if there is any doubt about his interest then stop the flirting unless he starts it.
I have had crushes on several 'straight' guys who were really cool with me and even flirted back, but in the end nothing happened and they moved on with girls. It is like a gay guy loving the attention of a girl and flirting with her, even if she is a faghag who in love with him. I think that a lot of straight guys just love the attention the gay guy gives him... and more then likely thinks just like the gay guy does about the faghag. (sorry for the horrible word faghag) Which is something like "if I was straight/gay I would be soo into this person, but I am not so I will enjoy flirting."
Sometimes when someone knows they are not sexually excited by someone they think that it even gives a free pass to flirt.

SO my simple answer is NO... why does everyone want to talk everything out these days anyway?

Answer 5

He might be sending you the signals but then again he might be getting close to you as friends do. He already knows your gay so if he felt that way he would tell you because there is nothing to lose and Im sure he notices if you like him or not a crush isnt something thats easy to hide im sure he sees it in your face when the two of you talk and youre staring in his eyes or when he says something funny, you laugh turn away and give him a look like your ready to tongue him down asap.
If hes going to make his move then wait for it dont tell him til then because you dont want to scare him off if he doesnt feel the same thing and it just happened you got your signals crossed.
Plus a crush can turn to love if he does like you you have to think how hes looking for an experience or a taste every now and then do you think you could handle being second because its obvious hes going to be intimate with both. its one thing to compete with other men for a guy but when its both guys and girls...its a lot of work
Good luck sweety hope I didnt overwhelm you with advice

Answer 6

I would most definitely be honest...BUT I would wait and see how this 5 day trip goes. If it's just the 2 of you going and you spring this on him and he's not feeling it, you just ruined your trip and put him in a really awkward position. You definitely shouldn't rush it...so what is another 5 days if you are trying to make sure it's right. On the other hand, if he is feeling it you will have a reason to make another trip to the condo (wink wink).

Answer 7

Honesty is always best, even if it hurts. That being out of the way. It sounds like he is either a very good friend or testing the water. Maybe he is just not ready. Be supportive and go with the flow.

Answer 8

The ball's in his court. He knows your gay. He probably knows you're attracted to him. If he's gay, or is simply curious, he'll probably approach you in one way or another.

That said, you're going to continue to be uncertain about him. Let him make any moves or suggestions. You wouldn't want to unnecessarily ruin a friendship over an unwelcomed advance on your part. That just makes things awkward for both of you if it doesn't work out.

It's not uncommon to love a friend, but it's difficult when you fall IN love with a friend.

Would you still be friends with him even if you weren't attracted to him, or if he didn't show attraction to you? Consider your answer to that question.

Most importantly (and trust me on this one), watch your heart. Protect it. Don't keep hangin' on for him if he doesn't show interest. Carrying torches only makes your arms tired.

Don't think TOO much about this. Let your friendship (and whatever else) evolve in their own time.

Answer 9

Be honest. Talk to him now. You may end up having a great time at the beach.

You said you had a party the night you came out. So he should know then right? You may have more than a friend.

Good Luck!!!!!!

Answer 10

New love is so darn cute. Just tell the guy how you feel - ONLY WITH WORDS - don't like advance on him physically. Tell him how you feel, it is the best way.

I am gay and had a straight friend that I fell for once - it ws so sweet and he was so kind. He could just tell and I could tell he knew. Then one day we were driving somewhere and he held out his hand to me and I took it and we just drove a long holding hands for a little bit and he finally said, "I love you very much". Somehow I knew exactly what he meant. He wasn't in love with me - he just loved me.

Answer 11

Dude he wants you and the condo at the beach is his way of getting you alone for 5 days. Since he is "straight" let him make the first move. Besides he knows you are crushing on him how coudl he not. no matter how descrete you have been he knows all guys can tell and he is flattered.