What is to be done when someone wrongs you?

Question

when people wrong me i use not to quarrel them. but i start resenting them, even though i don't show them openly. i continue my relationship with them, and i feel that i am kind of phony.
sometimes i wish i could quarrel them or reproach anything, but i simply cannot
is this bad? how could one overcome his feeling of resentment if the other one hasn't asked for forgiveness?

Answer 1

It's hard to voice anger with people... I would say let the relationship end... but if you value someone's friendship, and can't let them go, then it's time to talk to them about it. At the moment it sounds as if you are caught in a vicious circle, neither able to take action to put right the wrongs done to you, nor leave the wrong doers behind.

I'd decide on whether to leave them or not depending on the weight of the wrong done to me as well as the strength of my emotional bond to the person. Even if we tell the other person that we felt they did wrong, they may not see it that way... if we let people know, they may alter their behaviour, but ultimately we can only be certain of changing ourselves- keeping the peace to our own detriment is just foolish.

Try to help people who you really love by showing them the harm they've done, but cut your ties with friends who hurt you and won't change. Life is too short to spend time with this sort of people... they're not really friends at all. Just keep looking for people who will give you what you need from a relationship. That's largely my approach, maybe it'll suit you too?

Answer 2

Forgiveness is for you, not for them. They don't need to ask for it, you need to give it relentlessly so that it doesn't weigh you down.

Forgive and forget, let go and lighten your load. A grudge can be a heavy weight to bear.

Steps:
1. Think about what happened.

2. Acknowledge all of your feelings. There is often anger lurking behind any hurt or sadness you might feel.

3. Express your feelings - write them out, talk to a friend or simply allow yourself to feel what you feel.

4. Accept responsibility for your own emotions. Although you were wronged and your emotions may be justified, it is still up to you to decide when you're ready to stop feeling angry or upset.

5. Talk to the other person about the behavior that upset you and how it made you feel. The odds are that you won't feel truly ready to forgive until you know this person has heard and understood your perspective.

6. Try to understand the other person's perspective, even if you don't really agree with it.

7. Rebuild trust in the relationship. Make agreements about acceptable future behavior whenever appropriate.

8. Make the decision to forgive, and communicate your forgiveness to the other person. Once you've done this, make every effort to move on and let it go completely.


Tips:
You can forgive someone without condoning his or her behavior; forgiveness isn't the same thing as approval.

Avoid a defensive reaction by first venting your emotions outside the presence of the wrongdoer - this will help the interaction to be more productive.

Wait until you are truly ready to forgive. Respect your feelings and take all the time you need.

Answer 3

Not everyone sees everything the same way. Perhaps these people are not aware that they have wronged you.
I would suggest speaking your mind at the time - after all, all you have to lose is your relationship with them, and if the alternative is to continue the relationship and resent them there doesn`t seem to be much point in holding back.
If you really can`t bring yourself to do this then you will have to just accept what has happened and reassess your relationships accordingly. If you really resent someone perhaps it is better to let them go and allow yourself to be happier for it, rather than brooding about the past and resenting them for not apologising

Answer 4

You are doing the right thing, quarrels achieve nothing, but weaken the relationship each time they do something hurtful. People who act like that are, in the end, not worth bothering with.
As for the resentment it is one step on the way to moving on, it usually goes from resentment, to "why me" and then moves on, till you are free of thses negative people. Life is too good to be associating with crap people. The few true friends and family are worth more than any number who let you down.

Answer 5

The solution is very simple, and can be boiled down into two words.

Expect nothing.

Once you remove expectation, it is unlikely you will resent those around you. You think people 'wrong' you and you start 'resenting' them because you expect them to behave in a certain manner, and they don't.

The solution is to stop expecting them to behave in a manner that you want.

People in your life, whether they are your friends, your family, or a stranger that you strike up a conversation with at random will behave in a manner that they feel is best for them. Since most people enjoy having friends and social interaction with other human beings, they behave in such a manner that allows them to have these friends.

However, being a friend means different things to different people. For some people, it means calling their friend every day, or having some kind of get together once a week. For others, the connections are looser than that. And most of us have friends that are closer or looser, as our life circumstances and personal interests dictate.

When you say that people 'wrong' you, I take that to mean that they are not acting in a manner that you feel should befit someone who is your friend. When you observe this behavior, then you should decide how much interaction and friendship you wish to bestow upon these people. You are not phony if you continue your relationship with them. But understand it for what it is.

Take, for example, a politician. This person will give public speeches saying how much they 'care' about you, the voter. Of course, they really can't have the level of concern about each and every individual person (remember Clinton saying 'I feel you pain'? Do you really think he even understands your individual life?). So you see this person saying one thing and then not acting in a manner that makes you believe they are honest and trustworthy. When you make this observation, it gives you understanding about the person who is talking to you. You then decide how you want to relate to that person based on that understanding.

You make similar decisions with friends. You decide how close or not close you want to be with friends based on how you observe they act and what you feel is best for you. As far as whether to be quarrelsome and confrontational, ask yourself if becoming more forceful and confrontational is a style that will make you happier. If it is, then go for it (and it is for some people). If not, then act in accordance with who you are, and surround yourself with people that make your life better, happier and more enriched.

Answer 6

even if it is hard for you, you need to talk to them. not quarrel, because that won't help, but storing up that resentment isn't good for you. if they haven't apologized then maybe they don't know they did anything to hurt you, and they won't know unless you tell them.

Answer 7

Jesus said as he was dieing on a cross "Father, forgive them..." You need to be able to forgive someone that "wrongs you." This does not mean that you have to accept what they do to you, or welcome it. you need to first confront the person, and try to correct the issues at hand, if that does not work, have faith that someone has a plan and a larger lesson for you to learn.

Answer 8

Revenge, let them off and you look soft so people will carry on. If it keeps happening like you said maybe its to late, nice guys finish last or atleast keep getting wronged........

Answer 9

if they continue to wrong you i would get rid of them if i was in your place

Answer 10

maybe it not the people it you ckeck that out before you do anything