You've got to take it one step at a time. Start speaking up for yourself on little, less important things and that will give you the courage to speak up on more important things.
2006-06-15 07:56:10
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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you may commence being a jerk. I, like you, am also a effective human being (or so i imagine :P ), and there have been cases at the same time as human beings requested me for favors because that they knew I had a not straight forward time putting forward no. merely positioned your foot down, and lower than no circumstances say definite to them. no matter if or not they guilt you into putting forward definite, do not provide in. anytime you're saying "definite," it really is yet another psychological victory to whoever requested the choose. they're going to end pestering you at the same time as they comprehend that you're not any more going to bypass their way. With the project with your closest pal, or maybe the pencil hoarder, be agency yet well mannered and state your causes for putting forward no to them. "i'm on the point now the position I actually don't have any pencils left, and that i visit't spend my time procuring new ones anymore." And finally, in case your leisure park pal quite replaced into your pal, then she would have listened to you. merely sayin'. *shrugs*
2016-10-14 04:51:57
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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Unfortunately this will not stop overnight. First try little things, such as saying "no" to things that you normally would say "yes" to. Once you get used to saying "no" - the rest will just come naturally.
It's hard - I too had to learn, but once I did - the sky's the limit.
Good Luck....Have a lovely rest of the day.
2006-06-15 07:56:54
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answer #3
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answered by Goblin g 6
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7 steps to stop:
1- Express yourself
Listen to your instincts. When something bothers you or you feel you've been wronged, it's best to speak up right away. This might take some practice. If you miss your chance on the spot, plan your strategy to bring up the issue privately later.
Ask for a meeting with your colleague and explain how you feel about short deadlines with no advance notice. Tell your girlfriend you didn't like her regaling everyone at the dinner table with details about your sex life. You need to speak up. Discuss these issues calmly, without accusations, and you will reduce your own tension and gradually change how others perceive and treat you.
2- Stop being agreeable
No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone all the time. When your thoughtfulness and reluctance to hurt other people's feelings start to impact your own well-being, it's time to start looking out for No. 1.
If your girlfriend picks fights over ridiculous issues and your response is to avoid confrontation by apologizing and saying she's right, maybe she's just as sick of your attitude as you should be. In fact, maybe she persists in her nitpicking because she's trying to force you to take a stand on something -- anything! Stand up for yourself, express your opinions and say "no" once in a while. If the relationship is worth saving, she'll respect you much more for your confidence than for being a wimp.
3- Pick your battles
Don't practice your newfound assertiveness in a situation involving a crazed driver, or you might become a road rage victim. In the same vein, think twice before emphatically saying "no" to your boss. It might be career suicide. Use caution around people who might be mentally unstable. In routine matters, though, stop avoiding confrontations just because you're afraid of others' reactions. If your wife keeps taking the sports car and you're always stuck with the minivan, speak up and work out a compromise. Keep small irritants from needlessly escalating into explosive arguments.
4- Start small
It might be easier to practice your assertiveness with a stranger, as friends and family have come to expect a certain non-confrontational, meek, wishy- washy brand of behavior from you. Overcome your reluctance to put your needs first in less familiar situations. If your doctor prescribes a suspiciously large myriad of medical tests, ask if they are really necessary. Don't placidly accept a diagnosis without fully understanding it, or you'll find yourself getting stressed about the worst-case scenario. Stop avoiding that panhandler near your building because you resent all the money you've given him. Just look him in the eye, wish him a nice day and don't feel guilty about your decision to stop supporting him.
5- Be firm
In your confrontations, you always want to maintain a balanced reaction, subdued yet steady. Clearly state what you want, need and expect. You don't want to come off looking like a psycho. You're establishing a new behavior pattern here, so people will be caught off-guard. If they try to cajole you and insist that you're a pushover, don't fall for emotional blackmail. If your roommate has friends over so often that you feel like a visitor in your own place, stand your ground. Tell him you feel like you're back in college finding the sock on the doorknob. If you don't express yourself, you cannot expect others to change how they relate to you.
6- Be persistent and resilient
Abandoning your formerly soft self won't be accomplished overnight; you must constantly remind yourself to do these things in order to effectively change your ways. People in your entourage will likely notice that you're suddenly acting differently. After all, although you've been thinking certain things for a long time, you've never voiced them. Don't let their confused reactions dissuade you from your goals. Your girlfriend is chronically late and you've long resented being made to wait. She needs to understand that you expect her to respect your time and honor her commitments. Remember, in addition to changing yourself, you're retraining other people on how to relate to you. It won't always be easy, but if you focus on the benefits to your emotional and physical health, you'll see that it's worth it.
7- Change your surroundings
As a last resort, change your circle of friends, end an unhealthy relationship or find a new job. If you can't get the respect you deserve from someone because they persist in viewing you as a weakling, it's a relationship not worth pursuing. When you meet new people, set the precedent from the beginning. Now that you're conscious of the difference between being easygoing and being walked all over, you can establish healthier interpersonal relationships.
2006-06-15 08:00:11
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answer #4
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answered by Burple 4
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Have more self-confidence and more self-respect. You have to learn to love yourself, and to respect yourself. If you truly do have respect for yourself, you wouldn't let other people take advantage of you. No one should be allowed to take advantage over you, and you don't deserve to either. So start walking taller with your chin up, and learn to say, "No" with confidence and don't feel bad, feel proud of what you just did.
2006-06-15 07:57:43
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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find something you are passionate about, and defend it with all your heart, then slowly, start defending other things, like what you feel, what you believe in, who you like, what you know. eventually you will find yourself confident. but you have to realize that being "mean" isnt really mean to most people. letting them get away with pushing you is mean to you. Defend yourself.
2006-06-15 07:57:08
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answer #6
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answered by cmax.s_butterfly 2
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stand your ground no one likes a push over except the people that are pushing you over
2006-06-15 07:58:28
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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just stop
2006-06-15 07:55:16
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answer #8
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answered by v.ball_17 3
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LEARN TO FIGHT AND KICK EVERYONES A$$
2006-06-15 07:55:30
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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stand ur grounds and pratice saying "no "
No thanks , try saying no in different ways
2006-06-15 08:03:22
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answer #10
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answered by lalab365 1
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