My boyfriend and I broke up last week because we got into a fight - a physical one. Needless to say, both of us were hurt. I admit i provoked him, but I never thought he would strike back. We have a beautiful baby girl together and I really DO love him!!
We've been seperated for a week now and everyday he calls me begging me to take him back - that he can't live without me. He said he'll change and everything will be better and to trust him. My family and friends tell me I would be stupid to take him back, but i miss him so much!! He sounds very sincere and he knows what he did was wrong and promised never to hurt me again. I want to believe him but I can't. There will always be a fear that it'll happen again, and next time it might be worse. Should I take that risk or just try to forget about him?!?
I need help!
2006-06-15 07:51:29 · 16 answers · asked by Kathy S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
IF THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT HE EVER HIT YOU AND YOU FEEL THAT YOU DID PROVOKE HIM THEN YES YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE. THE TWO OF YOU NEED TO SIT AND HAVE A LONG SERIOUS CONVERSATION AND YOU SHOULD TELL HIM THAT IF HE EVER HITS YOU AGAIN YOU WILL LEAVE HIM AND THERE WILL BE NO CHANCE FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO EVER GET BACK TOGETHER. TELL HIM THAT YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER AND YOU WILL NOT RAISE HER TO THINK THAT IT IS OK FOR A MAN TO HIT HER. HE SHOULD WANT THE SAME THING FOR HIS DAUGHTER I AM SURE HE WOULD NT WANT HER TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THAT WAS HITTING HER.
2006-06-15 08:02:15 · answer #1 · answered by <<SEXY MOMMA>> 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say you provoked him. Did you provoke him into hitting you?? You said you never thought he would strike back. Did you hit him first?? I'm a female and I don't believe a man should hit a women, but I also believe a women should not hit a man. NO ONE deserves to be hit. NO ONE! Love does not include hitting by either of you. I would never tolerate a man who hit me, not even once. That would be the end. But from your question, I think your trying to say that the reason he hit you is because you must have gotten in his face, or hit him or something like this. I don't know, I'm just guessing. Was he ever violent before this? Lots of questions, I know, but it's hard to say if he is sincere or not. And as you said you would be living in fear that he would do it again. I suggest counseling, but I don't know the "whole" story here.
2006-06-15 15:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you provoked him. Did you hit him first or just with words? It is just as wrong for you to hit him as it is for him to hit you. Is this the first time this has ever happened? If it is the first time, and you struck him first, I would say to try to work it out, but learn to resolve differences without hurting each other.A good counselor can help with that. You said you never thought he would strike back, have you hit him before? Just remember to treat him as you want to be treated. Do not hit him again, and if he hits you, have him arrested, get an order of protection, and be done with it.
2006-06-15 16:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you will follow anyone's advice, but you need to understand that this behavior cannot be tolerated - for your sake AND your daughter's. Suppose you go back and he feels that if you came back once, you will do so again and then he feels what he did will be tolerated. What are you teaching your daughter? That violence is acceptable and that self-respect is irrelevant? Think about this seriously before you make a decision. If it were to happen again, could you call the police and press charges? My advice is to not go back....especially not this soon. Let him live alone a while so he has enough time to really reflect - but be sure to get temporary child support from him!
2006-06-15 14:59:01 · answer #4 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think people can change, but probably 90% of cases, they won't. ESPECIALLY when it comes to being abusive. You are in a bad situation because you have a child together and you dont want your child to witness that. You should never blame yourself for abuse- and you said you provoked him- does that mean you HIT him first?? That is surely something I don't agree with either because no person in a couple should hurt the other like that. If you havent filed a police report, you may want to consider doing that because if he is abusive towards you, he may be towards your daughter in the future and you need to protect her safety as well. if you dont have any police reports of abuse, he will be able to get joint custody of the baby.
2006-06-15 14:59:46 · answer #5 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE! The fact that he says that he'll change means that he's either done it before or done something similar. He's going to continue to be like this. Do Not suggest anger management for him. If he wants to do that on his own let him and then you can THINK about taking him back. If he is really going to change, he's got to make the change for himself and decide for himself-you can't decide for him.
2006-06-15 14:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by writeroftheyear1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The classic abuser line is: "I'll change". It's not true, and you shouldn't risk you and your babys safety. Don't go back to him just because you miss him- if he honestly truely cared for you, he wouldn't have hit you in the first place.
2006-06-15 14:56:13 · answer #7 · answered by nothankyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not take a chance. Things can get very dangerous not only for you, but your precious baby. Make him prove it to you first, make him suffer and then in a few months make a decision or however long it may take you.
2006-06-15 14:56:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What were the cirmustances for the fight?
How did you provoke him?
How bad did he hit you?
Were the cops involved?
2006-06-15 14:56:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a risk, send him to anger management. No guy should hit a girl.
2006-06-15 14:55:13 · answer #10 · answered by Andy S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋