i have a wife who is abusive arrogant......?

Question

we quarrel every now and then she spends money without thinking of tomorow she doesnt listen to a word i say she is always abusive and uses foul language we also fight at other times ireally dont know the solution at other times we end up fighting untill we live each other body marks that later we become ashamed off we have only one kid and its affecting him alot and now also she is 4 month pregnant i dont know where am heading with this affair

Answer 1

wow, this is very abusive relationship..(that goes to both of you!)

As she is pregnant it is not a good time to go via things like that, but surely you need to do something. Some ladies get aggressive when they pregnant. If a pregnent woman does not feel safe, she releases adrenaline (also remember, you also might have some hormonal changes). They loose self esteem, they feel ugly, unwanted, etc etc... some even blame the partners for taking they freedom away (OK, there were two of you when baby was conceived, I know :-) )

Well, stop being emotional. Look at it very maturely.

Firstly, that would be my first option: go to a priest, or psychologist (marriage councilor).

However, the BEST option is to heal her with love and kindness. Was she aways like this (why would you marry her then?) or it suddenly changed? If it changes find a reason. It could be that she is guilty about something and she covers it up with aggression (if it is not her poor hormones!). Don't hurt her, if she goes in one of her moods, tell her in calm voice you will not tolerate it and take the small kid to movies. You must set boundaries, boundaries of words and behaviors, especially in front of a small child. Ask her if she wants the small one to be used to people's abuse.. believe me.. there is always a hope, just be very patient with here.. she really feels awful right now, just give her love.

ps. Ignore everyone who says you should get Divorced (many people here are still kiddies, or people know knowing committed relationships who should first put themselves in your place). This is an easier way out and I am sure you better than that. Go for counsellings first.

Just always remember: For example, men are much more aggressive, in general, than women, while women tend to be much more nurturing. Men are more individualistic, while women are more social. Men tend to rely more on rational thought, while women rely more on feelings. FEELINGS!! please show her more love that she will feel safe again!

ps2: taken from site below
http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/pregnancy.html

Mood Swings
Premenstrual syndrome and pregnancy are alike in many ways. Your breasts swell and become tender, your hormones fluctuate, and you may feel moody. If you suffer from premenstrual syndrome, you're likely to have more severe mood swings during pregnancy. They can make you go from feeling happy one minute to feeling like crying the next. You may be irrationally angry with your partner one day, then a coworker may inexplicably irritate you the next.

Mood swings are incredibly common during pregnancy, although they tend to occur more frequently in the first trimester and toward the end of the third trimester.

About 10% of pregnant women experience depression during pregnancy. If you have symptoms such as sleep disturbances, changes in eating habits (a complete lack of appetite or an inability to stop eating), and exaggerated mood swings for longer than 2 weeks, you should talk to your doctor.

Answer 2

You should probably seperate for a while and go to counseling . I know many people will probably say to just leave her. You may end up having to do so, but first it needs to be mediated. Leave the house and go stay at a friends house for maybe a week or two, but also get professional help. If the marriage can be saved then it should be, but if it's just going to cause more pain then you'll have to leave each other. Staying together for the sake of the children is not always good. They can end up being more affected if two parents who hate each other are constantly bickering and hurting each other.

Answer 3

Have you tried marriage counseling or some type of mediator?
Sometimes a 3rd unbiased opinion can help.
Otherwise, tell her exactly what you told us. Be open and honest, and tell her what you feel, and what you want in your marriage.
Marriage isn't something to just throw away without REALLY trying & putting some effort into it. It's no longer highschool drama. If she isn't willing to try along with you, then the relationship doesn't mean that much to her.
Compromise, and refrain from HITTING and resorting to yelling and fighting, especially in front of your innocent child!!!
Two parents that are happy APART is better & healthier for that child than two parents that are UNHAPPILY together.

Answer 4

Leaving each other "body marks" means physical abuse. And there's alot of emotional abuse going on too. Put a stop to it immediately. Go to family counseling right away. Your child should not be subjected to what's going on in your household. And with another baby on the way, now is the time to straighten things out. Your wife has to want this as well. If she doesn't, I would file for divorce AND custody of my child and eventually of your second child. You're doing this to protect innocent children. And also, you yourself deserve to be treated better.

Answer 5

Hey, I would get separate accounts for one. I would also split the bills completely down the middle. No sharing of accounts and I would let her know that the abuse is going to stop. Wife or not she does not have the right to be abusive and neither are you. If it gets to the point where you guys are being physical it has clearly gone too far. You guys need to separate!

Answer 6

It seems like you have a problem. You should try marriage counseling at a church or something. You should take this whole thing to God and let him have his way. Maby he is trying to get your attention. If you are not active in church I would really suggest that you go to church and let the Lord have His way. Just let it all go and surrender all. Believe me this will be the best choice you will ever have made. Also make sure the church you attend is a good church. Email me if you have anymore questions

Answer 7

u ain't heading nowhere, sir! the solution is only three words long: D i t c h the B i t c h.
and make sure u take the kid with u. he ain't got no future with a woman like that.
as for the one yet to come, well, i guess nothing can be done. everyone has to make some sacrifices once in a while.

Answer 8

Wow, that's the longest sentence I've ever seen. Get some major counseling and anger management...both of you! If anything, do it for your children. They could grow up and be abusive too. I hope it works out for you. If not...divorce. It's sad, but some people have to. Good luck.

Answer 9

It's not an affair, it's a marrige and you both have to make sacrifices for your children's future. Right now your children should be your first priority, and if when you are together all your do is abuse one another, then maybe it's time for a seperation. (Think of your children)

Answer 10

Sounds like you BOTH might need to see a marriage councelor...AND a Family Councelor. Because your child doesn't need to be seeing you and your wife fight. And you and your wife shouldn't be fighting, especially with her being four months pregnant. I'd REALLY consider talking to a professional. You BOTH might need some one on one councelling too.