my husband had an affair and the women had a child- even though he has no contact with her or the child by our choice i still cant get over it. he is paying child support and has never seen the child. please advise.
2006-06-15 05:32:25 · 20 answers · asked by kyle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To be honest, now the problem is yours.
You obviously made the wrong choice by staying together if you cannot get over it after 5 years. I'd think 2-3 years max. to forgive. You knew what you were getting into by staying with him, and that was your decision.
Maybe you should have left.
Sit down with your thoughts for a day or two. Don't talk to him, just figure out if you can ever get "over" it. Then make the decision. It has to be cut and dry, you cannot keep punishing someone for a mistake. Either leave him or forgive him. Doesn't mean you have to forget, but you MUST forgive. The feelings you are carrying around are bad for you and him. Get out or get on with your life together.
Good luck.
2006-06-15 07:37:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
An affair is one thing. A child is another. First thing is that the child shouldnt have to suffer of not knowing her dad due to, two grown adults mistake. If anything things should be set aside for the child. It would be hard but she shouldnt have to pay. As for getting past the hurt. It is always going to be there. Nothing can take that hurt away. Regardless of how many sorry's or I will never do it again, the trust has be broken. Sorry will never replace what has happened. There will always be thoughts of, is he doing it again. The one thing is you have to forgive but not forget and if you cant totally forgive, then you will never get past this. The hurt will never leave but if you truly forgive then you have to put it in the past. Someone should think about the child. Would you want your dad to have nothing to do with you because of an affair? If you do forgive then the relationship he needs to have with his daughter should take place. If you cant forgive then let him go so the child doesnt have to suffer.
2006-06-15 05:44:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband cheated on you got another woman pregnant and is paying child support that's not enough... why is that child being punished for something he never did! Think if your hurting how is that child going thru never seen the man whose his so called father! And you need to get over this by now cuz you choose to live with your husband if it really hurt you would have left him 5 yrs ago! Now time for you to grow up and if possible do the right thing and bring that child into his fathers life! If you can do try to put yourself in that child's shoes and see how the world looks like. Its worst than what your probably going thru!!
2006-06-15 05:55:05 · answer #3 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read your question and got angry. I cannot imagine a man not having ever contacted his own child. That child needs a father in his life and your husband is ignoring the child. When you say by "our choice" I get the impression that it is to please you. But that isn't enough for you. I think that you are using his affair to manipulate and control your husband. I can tell you from experience that will just make him hate you.
You need to get some professional counseling and either get over yourself or move on.
Don't bother writing me, I won't read it.
2006-06-15 05:48:38 · answer #4 · answered by my_alias_id 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least he is still with you and at least he is not an irresponsible man who still has conscience in supporting his child with else woman. If in the 1st place, he has decided to leave you for the sake of the child, would you be feel more hurtful? Since he has make a decision in no longer to contact with his mistress, why are you still upset and can't let go of the incident?
Human being makes mistakes but as long he/she repents mistakes, why can't we give them a chance to start afresh? Open your heart and you will realise that actually your husband loves you more than her (because although has a child with her, he still chosen you over her).
2006-06-15 06:01:40 · answer #5 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you that this will be with you forever. Especially considering he Had a child with the mistress. You have to decide in your heart if you are able to live with this and with the constant reminder. Do you have children together? How you react to the hurt you feel is most important. If you have made up your mind to fight for your marriage, then you may need to seek counseling to help you get beyond the hurt. Remember you are not alone. Your feelings are your feelings and we all heal in our own time.
(1 year since my husband's latest' tryst, I'm still in pain also...Good luck and take care dear.
2006-06-15 05:45:50 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ jojo ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohhhh yeah you think you have it bad????? listen to this seven years ago my husband had an affair and had a child...wich im raising now for him because the mother is a worthless piece of ****........but you know wht i got over it and im not afraid if he do it again is his lost. my husband is a good man is a perfect dad if your husband never cheated on you after that maybe he learn his lesson you just have to trust if you love him..... people tell me im crazy for taking care of a child that was product of an affair,but you know something that child is a victim just like you...... yes a victim of your husband bad choices..... he should have contact with the child,evrybody has a right to know their parents..you need to accept that it will make you a stronger person.good luck
2006-06-15 05:45:11 · answer #7 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is a tough one for sure ..The question is have u forgiven him???If not I suggest consuling..big time my hubby also did this been 18 yrs ..took me 13 of those to forgive him and admitt all done is over,life moves on no matter what..but be sure to remember only 1% ever leave thier wives for another so if he is still there mmmmm what does that say...there is forgiving and moving on...but we never forget...P.S not the child's fault...
2006-06-15 05:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by wolfeyes35ca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot get over it, but you can get through it. If you fell when you were a child and badly hurt your knee, many times it leaves a scar, but it does heal. You can be healed through counseling and pray. Learn from your brokeness and use it to help others who may experience this kind of awful hurt. Turn the bad into something good.
Be Blessed,
BB
2006-06-15 05:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by Bernice B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it hurt because they have a child together and the money he could use on anything else he has to use on his baby that he cant see and on a woman that hurt you........... U wont ever get over it because that chapter is open and as long as the baby is there always will be open ........ if u really cant forgive and try to accept , not forget cuz u'll never do that but x-cept the matter, then i dont think it's good for you to stay with this guy........ u know .. good luck
2006-06-15 05:40:26 · answer #10 · answered by •°♥Ms. SeXy♥°• 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋