Met over internet, where can this lead us?

Question

I met this man over internet. Never seen each other, live on different continents.
Both of us are married, but not really happy with our married life. Both have seriously considered leaving their spouse in the past but have stayed for various reasons, including children.
We seem to be getting on amazingly well, and if that did not sound so silly, I would say we are sort of "falling in love".
We come from different cultures (both western) and both fairly aware of the other one's. Similar lifestyles (broadbrush) and education level, age matching. Could find a city to live in, that would suit both.
We do seem to care very much for each other, be really attracted and able to communicate extremely well. The two issues are: being married, living on different continents.
Advice? Any experience to relate? Suggestions?
If you just have two words of blunt remark to do, I suggest you go and get the two points somewhere else. Just to save everyone's time. Many thanks to all of you!!

Thanks for all your answers. I am NOT suggesting that we should "leave our spouses irresponsibly", that would make no sense whatsoever. Also, any form of even lighter commitment does not make sense and I am fully aware of this. Just wondering if people have any suggestions, advice, experiences to relate etc. Many thanks again.

Both of us have been married (not together!) about 20 years -tried councelling too-, so it is not as if we would jump out of the boat comes the first bad wave!

Answer 1

Hello there,Seems you and I have something in commom.We both meet someone on the internet.Well as far as mine goes.He and I have been together for 3 and a half years.Either of us were not married.So that was a plus.As like you and your guy friend we talked on the computer for about 6 months.Then we finally meet in person and hit it off real good.We had just got of relationships with other people(So we were taking it one step at a time).I didnt want to jump right into something and it wouldnt have been right.But like I said before,we have been together for 3 and a half years.I wouldnt have changed anything.We now have a beautiful daughter that will turn 1 in July.Sorry so long,but yes you can be happy and fall in love with someone on the internet.As I am living proof.

Now as to you.You said both of you are married to different people.If either of you are not happy with your spouse I see nothing wrong in making that step to be happy in your life.Like they say "You only live Once".Also you said that you have children and that is why you staying in the marriage.I can understand that.But why would you want to be unhappy and stay?I'm not telling you to go head and leave your husband for some guy that you have meet online.Just make sure that you have really thought about this.What if you leave your husband and this guy changes his mind and stays with his wife.Then where will that leave you.You dont want to have your kids think that their mother did something stupid and not want anything to do with you because you hurt their dad.

I dont know you.But just think long and hard about what you really want.Dont just up and jump because some guy promise you the world on a silver platter.I'm not being a *****,but been there and I know how it feels.Remember that you have feelings and no woman needs to be hurt and lead on.I hope that you can find happiness in your life.


If you would ever like to chat,just look me up.Good luck and god bless......

Answer 2

Well, yes. You would be taking a big chance... dumping your marriage for a guy you have never met face to face. Internet chatting has an allure -- because you haven't yet met. But should you bail to be with this guy, you may find that after awhile (and that could be a few weeks, to a year or even more,) there are things about his personality, and how it meshes with yours that just, in the long run won't fit. Relationships are tuff enough without getting to know someone well, in person, first and particulary since you are not a kid, and therefore have your own ways of doing things. In your place, I'd end my marriage (if you feel there is no way to save it, or if there is, seek some counseling) and find out what it is like to be out there raising children on your own. And, raising your children on your own is likely where this will end up.... Seems you feel the grass is greener...........common when we have the obligations of marriage, children, and just trying to keep things going. We all want to feel young again, capture that "shot in the heart" feeling, but that euphoria will last, at best only two years, according to family councelors. Then we are back to day to day living. My guess is you have a bit toooooo much time on your hands. (And at times, I do too since I am an artist, and things just have to sit before I go one, or stand the chance of ruining an otherwise nice piece as I push too hard and it blows up in my face. That's why I can sit here and do this once in awhile....)
And if you are an American and would be going to Europe, you have no idea what you are up against as far as inconveniences -- There are no big grocery stores, there are no big shopping marts, people go to the grocery story every day, EVERY DAY to get stuff. It is idiotic. Even in the countryside, of, say Italy, or England. So, do some real soul searching. If your marriage is bad, then bail. But to expect this other to work out is a bit unrealistic. Good luck, sweetie. Helpful?????

Answer 3

Dave seems to be giving some advice to highly consider. Though there are many of us who have found answers and gotten addicted to it, and even come across a pen pal, not all of us are thinking in terms a leaving our spouses. I know I love mine dearly. Is he perfect in every way? NO.. " But am I?" Absolutely NOT.... Did my pen pal give me a lot a smiles? YES. That is what I enjoy most. Is it hard to trust someone over the Internet? YES. Everyone gets bored and that is where creativity comes in, we owe it to our marriages, and our selves to keep our marriage healthy. Not to say that there will be some who will need to walk out on the marriage. Yours could be one or not. Only you can answer the question, but in the end would it really be worth it.? This question its self has helped me tremendously, even though my situation is different, in the sense that it I like that this person makes me laugh, and smile. But my husband is there for life even though sometimes I just want to smack him because he is on my last nerve..!! LOL! But none the less , I love him, we have been through so much together and I adore the two babies we have together. I hope you find whatever you are looking for. And my heart goes out to you. Here to listen too. If that is ever needed...... And yes we should not live our lives in fear but inter with CAUTION when trying something new......... Have a great day!!

Answer 4

KB summed it up...
I'm sure life at home isn't peachy..The fact of the matter you are still married. The fact is..you have children/husband at home while you're basing your future on a possible lie.

Don't you read articles, or heard anything on the experiences of those that met someone on line..to only find out they were all lies? Or better yet, to only meet the person for the first time and they were never heard from or seen again.
If you are as educated as you say you are. It's best you start using your brain cells in that head of yours before making life altering decisions based upon what a stranger has told you.

Let's not exclude the fact that this guy is also married. What makes him or you think once you are together and time love goes bad he/you won't jump back on the Internet looking for love?

It's time you start thinking about your children instead of yourself. Yeah I said it. Start thinking about your kids for once. You're selfish beyond what words can describe. You posted the question but refuse to hear the truth. You whether have the yahoo users jump on here in sugar coat things for you. Here you have it..Focus on yourself and you life at home other than some stranger you've never met before, never seen.
In the end..if you want to divorce your husband..Leave..Just do the kids a favor and don't bring them into it. You have no idea of who this man is or what he is capable of doing. You owe those kids that much...

Answer 5

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Many people fall for each other online. There is a creation of who someone is. Ask yourself. How wonderful can this person be that they have to find someone a continate away? Will they leave you when they get bored? If you are unhappy married, then divorce and THEN move on. Relationships like this rarely work. I have a few friends who have fallen in love and moved long ways away. It was a nightmare for all involved. You are addicted to this person who is addicted to you and you are both addicted to the computer. You two have created a fairy tale. You both definatly arn't getting what you need at home. You guys married and promised till death do you part. Do everything you can to save the marriage before you jump in to another relationship. I did all I could before I left and became single. I know how easy it is to fall for someone.....but also know that in reality that person isn't what they appear to be. You are both needy and obecssed with a romantic notion of what you want and need. If you can't do it in real life.......then you can't do it in the cyber world. I can't say it is doomed. But, in order to be strong and healthy in all aspects in your life then get your own house in order. Then fall for someone
This person might be a con person. Never ever give out any money or a bank account number.
You are definatly in need of tlc and human connection,. Start at home pleasssssssssssssse. .

Answer 6

It's easy to keep up an air of artifice when not being seen face-to-face. Have you seen him walk a mile in his shoes? No. Is he being 100% honest with you about every aspect of his life? Doubtful.
If you are both unhappy in your marriages, you should each be happier out of them. Does that neccessarily mean that you jump from one realtionship, headlong into another? One of the best things you could both do, may be to take time alone. Visit, alone, on a holiday. Unnannounced! Take stock of him, and how he lives. Spend some time together, and realise this is a holiday, with all the care-free airs that go with one. Consider what a Winter's Monday morning will be like with him, and his family, in a new location.
Sorry if I sound too negative, perhaps you would be very happy together. Who can say?

Answer 7

Talking to ppl over the Internet is exciting and sometimes it can lead to more. How do you know how he is feeling? How do you know the things he has told you are true? Is he really married? How can you be sure that he is only talking to you because its safer than having 'a real affair'. I only say these things as I got involved with a man from Italy who I thought was sincere and a true friend but in a matter of months he became obsessive and demanding he even threatened to kill himself if I didn't get on-line when he was. My whole life became a nightmare not only for me but for my family too. I had to get the police involved and shut all communications with this man. I never want myself or anyone to go through what myself and family went through.
But not trying to sound all doom and gloom there are some great ppl out there but you have to ask yourself is this man worth the risk?....Maybe you should try and say to yourself that this man will be a good friend and nothing more spend more time with your partner trying to work on your marriage. I wish you luck...

Answer 8

I'm going to say just this,..............all people have problems at home in marriages yet when your on-line with another fantasy someone that also relates to you ,....there is a time when you start to put all your energy into the computer screen instead of the real life you are suppose To be committed to!
it's comforting to have someone else care yet see it like this? If your spouse left today would your Internet guy be there to pick you up immediately or run now that the on line, your both married, no risk, is now another story? will he change once your single? This does happen.
Try this ,..........test yourself,..........tell the guy you have alot of things coming up and will be in contact less but will still be around. Walk away from the computer and him and start making plans with your husband. Try to bring back things you now leave behind. After all he is the one that is your husband and he deserves that from you. If the marriage is truly over then quit stringing him on in a marriage with you being unfaithful "on line affair"..."emotional affair" and allow him to move in. If he has never cheated on you then for one you have something that is uncommon and wonderful already there. Sounds like your the one giving up.

Answer 9

Lady, your living in a make believe world over the inter net...why do you think they call it cyber? There's no end to it. It's a dream world and nothing else. I chat with a gal on the internet who met and married a guy on the net. It all bares down to the same thing. After time you loose interest. He now drives truck over the road and she takes care of things at home. It's a fanacy world where you think things can be better. It isn't the real world and grass just isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Come down to reality, you must have and still do love your husband, you must have if you've got kids. Devote your life to them and them only and you'll live a happy life. I had thoughts many times wondering what it would be like to be single again. I thought I hated my wife until she died over a year ago. But after being with the same woman over 48 years and now being single again I wish I could turn back the time and bring her back.

Answer 10

Easy - Get rid of this guys address! He's cheating on his wife - do you REALLY think he wont do the same to you after it gets boring?

Life is about boredom - its the little bits of sunshine that brings the real pleasure - the grass is always greener syndrome.

You still have to work, etc - you got married for a reason - sort things out - If you really cant - then get a divorce - but dont think this guy will be the "One"

Marrage is for life - or should be - living on different continents adds to the excitement - but that will pass - do you really want to gamble with those odds?