I pay child support. I stuggled hard, with a small job. 4 yrs to go. Now wealthy. should i pay more.?

Question

The ex was very hard to deal with the whole time and violent.
Should I hide the bucks from the ex or give them only what the judge says I should, and continue to help only the child. or help the ex with extra money too? I have a choice.... but want to do whats right.
Personnally I dont think she deserve it but everyone needs someone in their corner...you know what I mean?
I just cant be sure of whats right.
It is most definitely is over between us. Hmmmmm?

Answer 1

I say only help the child, and this is coming from a SINGLE mother, whose child's father has NEVER paid for anything, or child support.

My thoughts are, as long as the child is ok, has decent food, shelter, ect, then why let the mother live the high life?
Like Puffy's baby's mama (he is a rapper), why should she get $19,000 a month? That is stupid.

I am not saying that men should not pay for their children, they most definatly should, but lets not get ludacris here, and charge more than a new cars worth.

Answer 2

It sounds like you have made this about your ex and that should not be the case. If your ex has custody then punishing your ex is like punishing your child. If she is violent, then why does she have the child?

Child support is to pay for the care of the child. This includes a home, utilities, food, clothing, medical needs, etc. Very rarely does child support cover even half of these things. How would you feel if your child found out they had to do without just because you didn't want Mom to have more money?

If getting custody is an option, maybe you should go for that. If not, make sure you do what is right for your child and don't let any issues with your ex get in the way.

Answer 3

Child support isn't about your former spouse - it's about your child. Are you required to pay alimony as well? If not, then you shouldn't have to give your ex any more money.

You know the right thing to do in this situation - you know the circumstances better than anyone and if you don't trust that your ex would give your child the extra money, then why not consider investing that extra in a college savings plan or other investment vehicle until your child reaches the age of majority>?

Again, this is about what your child needs - if he or she has enough with what you're giving, then be satisfied and know that you're obeying the law. But if your gut is telling you that you want to do more, then save the money and give it to your child when they're old enough.

Answer 4

The child is your top priority. Is your ex a good mother? Will she
use the extra money for the kid's benefit only,or will she take
advantage of your good fortune?
If she's a good mom,go ahead and pay more. Maybe you can
overlook her faults and help her as well. When the kid gets older
he will probably remember how you lived up to your responsibilities and then some. Not only will it provide a good example but it may help your relationship.
If your ex is irresponsible and violent as well,not only should you
not give her extra money in any way but maybe you should think
about taking custody. Being wealthy,you can afford a good lawyer
and maybe even a good nanny if you don't have a significant other.

Answer 5

The first step is wanting to do whats right, but I personally think that the child;s corner is where you should be. If it's over between your ex and you than she needs to struggle as you did. And I wouldn't necessarily say hide it but don't give it up either. You worked hard to get where you are now with no help from her. The only way I would give her money was if it resulted in a situation where your child had no food or shelter. I would put myself in her shoes would she give to you if the situation was the other way around. Its kind of selfish to think this way but sometimes to keep ahead you have to be shallow once in a while.

Answer 6

Of course you should. Just because you have bad or angry feelings toward the mother of your child/ren, do not make them suffer. If you can aleviate some of the stesses life brings with the lack of finances, then you are morally obligated to do so. Your kids will grow up and appreciate this. I know because mine have. I have a daughter 21 now and although through some of those teen years I thought she was not showing enough appreciation, I realized that perhaps her opinion was being tainted by my ex. I continued though to make sure she had everything she needed without any argument to my ex. Now she is my best friend as an adult. My other child is 17 and I think he appreciates the financial contribution I make to his future and his current needs.
Aslo helping ease the burden on your ex, will benefit the children as well. I know it is hard to hand over money to someone who hurt you or that you have disdain for, but think of the children first and put those hateful feelings aside.

Answer 7

Why don't you put away some money in a trust for your child. Leave the ex out of it, she's not your responsiblity but the child is. That way if she finds out you have more money and tries to get the judge to make your payments larger, you can show them that you have been putting money away for your child (this makes you look better). If you payments remain the same then you have done a good thing, your child could use this money you have put away for them for college, or helping buy then a home when that time comes.

Answer 8

Put the money you want to give into a custodial account for your child when it turns 18 and do not say a damned thing to your ex about it.

You were talking four years. You got a 14 year old if I can subtract correctly. Unless your kid has an urgent need for better care of some sort, salt it away for them.

Oh, and unless higher education becomes the reason, be really careful of giving it to them at 18. 25 is probably a better age to make that gift.

-Dio

Answer 9

It depends on if you trust her to spend the money wisely. If she doesn't file to amend the order, then leave it that way but look for ways to help the child directly. Kids always need clothes, etc. or pay a bill directly. Tell her you made a little extra money that month and want to help by paying her electric and take the bill or go with her to pay it. Another way you could help is at holidays. You could slip her some money to buy the child something herself and then you get the child something also. If you truly want to help, it could even become fun to find new ways to do it.

Answer 10

Child support is for the support of the child. Even though it is sent to the custodial parent it is not for their benefit. Don't confuse that. Legally you don't have to pay more that what was ordered by the courts. You really should look at what is appropriate for you child though and put the hatred of the ex aside. If it is appropriate to send more to help the child then do it. You can also set up a college account for your child. That might be a good way to help.

BTW, if your ex is so violent why the hell would you allow your child to be with her? I would spend my last penny fighting for custody of my child to make sure that he is safe. Hmmmm.