To stay or not to stay??

Question

About 8 months ago my husband started taking a pat time course to start a new carrer. He met up with a woman there who was acouple of years older and they became study partners. She became a family friend. She came to our house one night and we ended up in a 3some (i know why??) this ened up carrying on for about 2 months(we all agreed it needed to stop). Then one weekend they were at school and when he came home I had a sick feeling so when he left for work i went through his bags and found several notes leading me to believe they were doing it on the side after i said no.(they sleep in the same bed and breakfast) My husband dinied it at first so i went to her.She told me everything. I have chosen to stay with him and iam not sure if iam doing the right thing??

This happened about a month ago and Iam trying to work on it. He is still in school and so is she and Iam just worried that it will continue althought she is engaged now to a man she really likes.(sounds consided but when she said she had never had a man as big as mine it makes me think she will want to go back to it again)

I love him. This is my high school sweetheart.The man i lost my virginity to. I know i made the mistake of letting her in, in the first place. I would never let that happen again.(however it felt right at teh time, It made me and my husband closer then ever)(i thought)

I love him. This is my high school sweetheart.The man i lost my virginity to. I know i made the mistake of letting her in, in the first place. I would never let that happen again.(however it felt right at teh time, It made me and my husband closer then ever)(i thought)

Answer 1

Find someone who will respect you. This guy will continue until he brings an STD home. The other woman is jealous and wants him for herself, using the 3some to wedge his marriage.
He is the forbidden fruit. I bet if you kick him out she'll leave him and he'll come crying back.

He will be out with other women because its a sexual charge he can't get at home.

He may have decided to split long ago. Extramarital sex would cost him plenty in court. To avoid the big divorce pay out, he gets you in on a scheme so he can say you approve of his affairs.

Is an open marriage acceptable to you? What if children were involved? Then it would really get complex.

Answer 2

You can't dwell in the past. The mistake was made, and now it is time to pick up the pieces and figure out, do you want to deal with this or sweep up the pieces and throw it away. You love him, so, maybe, concentrate on trying to forgive him. You are partially to blame for agreeing to open the forbidden door of adultery. If it doesn't work, you can take the garbage out later. First off, you need to commit to yourself that you will honestly try to do what you have chosen... "forgive"!!! This will not be an easy process, but marriages can survive almost anything if the foundation is sturdy enough. The place to start is communicating all your feelings to him. Establishing new rules, would be important. Never forget the effect this had on your marriage for the future, and concrete the fact that it will never happen again. Then you have to believe in him. You can't allow your self to enter the world of suspicion every time he is late, or acting peculiar. If somethings feels really wrong, then investigate, don't accuse. Unless you have proviable cause, never- ever, go to that extreme. Dangerous territory for anyone! You have to just live moment to moment until this is actually an issue of the past. You have to prepare your self mentally that this problem can be worked out. If you can't come to terms with it in your head, then your heart doesn't have a chance. I hope the very best out come for you and your husband. Something good always comes out of something bad. You have probably helped someone else out that has been thinking of doing the same thing you have just been threw. I know that at this time that is not much comfort, but I am sure, knowing that you have saved someone the hurt you are feeling, will help.

Answer 3

As to you doing the right thing or not, you are going above and beyond the call of duty. "Right" doesn't cover it. You are totally in your rights to leave. Either choice is honorable for you, but only you staying can be honorable for him. I commend you and congratulate you, but not to the point where I will think any less of you if you change your mind.

Understand that I say this as a man who has had a few threesomes with my wife, and I have never ever ever even thought about going behind her back with one of the other girls. My threesomes are all about my wife and I fulfilling each other, the other girl is nice for helping in that, and we try to help her fulfill her self as well. To that end, when I wake up the next morning, I'm not thinking, "Wow, how great were they!" I'm thinking, "Wow, how great was my wife!" Which isn't to say I never think of the other girl, but always in connection with my wife.

I wouldn't call the threesome cheating on you, but even if he had so little as kissed her after you asked him to stop, I'd call that cheating.

Staying, you can work things out, and maybe help him to be better. Leaving, you might find someone better. You are in your rights to do what is best for you. Is he better than what else you'll find?

Answer 4

First you made a mistake by let a nothing woman into your bed but what do I have to say is that you didn't start it up and let him get someone other than you so now it may cause problems because he will not stop cause he knows that you will do whatever to please him, so I think you shouldn't of started it in the first place but then again, if he will lie to you about that what else will he lie about. And about staying together you cant always let someone go just like that, so if you really love him you wouldn't be asking us this question but stay with him its hard to let someone go then anything.

Answer 5

It is time to leave this relationship. The whole threesome thing that was a choice made together and there was no lying or secrets about that. This situation though with him and her now is full of secrets and lies and you can't have a relationship based upon that. You are never going to be able to trust him or feel loved again like you deserve. The only way you will ever be happy is to end this relationship and find a new one.

Answer 6

this is why sex should only be between the married people and only them( no threesomes, swing parties, that just not the way god intended it to be) it ruins marriages. now for you there is damage done, it can be repaired through lots of prayer and counseling, but if you don't have God as the foundation of your marriage it will not work. thats alot to go through> i am sorry for you. Do you honestly think that your husband and this lady will stop? why would they? you pretty much enabled things. maybe seperate and try to resolve things. you both need to do a lot of talking. he really needs to know how you feel, but he may not even be sorry if he likes what he is doing. many blessings to you girl, once again im sorry.

Answer 7

What is the difference if he is doing without you he did it with you and you had no problems than and than you decided to stop that was your choice they continued if you leave him for what cuz he cheated on you well you started it off with him!!! So now life with it i do not see a reason to leave him at least he is doing it with that same woman he is not acting like a dog going around!!
And if you want him to stop than you need to talk to him running away is not the solution!!

Answer 8

You have chosen to stay for your reasons, why are you having second thoughts now?
So he's a cheat and a liar. You're staying, what are you going to do about it? Counseling? Suck it up? Hope he won't do it again?

Just do something. Don't give him the message that you will accept anything willingly.

Answer 9

I think the mistake was starting the threesome. That opened the door for him to be with another woman. I am so sorry but I don't have a solution for you.

Answer 10

u ppl should not have started the threesome in the 1st place, it is not healthy. u people need to c a counsellor if u want this marrioage to work but if it continues then u ppl should seperate. i dont beleive in divorce since i am a catholic so an annulment woul d be it...