Ok wife has been gone for 1 month now. She was working 2 jobs and doing all the house work plus the kids.?

Question

I didn't help her much, and now she says she needs to see if she still has feelings for me. She says she doesn't love me anymore and that we don't have what other couples have the closeness. She misses the hugging and kissing and cuddling and at one point even wondered if I really loved her. We slept in the same bed for 2 months before she finally moved out when her apartement was ready. Now that she is alone we share the kids boy 8 girl 10. She calls me for things that arent that important and we are like best friends when we talk. She requested that I let her make the first move, I want to respect that but how long should I wait. I think she is haveing a hard time being alone, because she is always hanging with her sister or her best friend and doesn't really go home except to sleep. We have been married 15 years but the last few its been all about the kids. She told her sister she knows Im a good guy and a great father but doesn't know why she feels this way. I love her and want her

Answer 1

ok sooo maybe u can show her... actions always speek louder than words.... if u was not helping her out enough show her u can.... do lil things 4 her to make her feel loved.... hold her kiss her..... write a love note.... women dig that... i know i do

Answer 2

How old is she? Not that it matters that much - I just thought about mid life crisis. Anyway, give her time. Give her as long as she needs. I'm sure she is having a real tuff time but if you love her, be patient. After 15 years, you do lose closeness. You forget to do the "little things". You've been together so long, I can understand why you would talk like best friends - you really are. Try to be understanding (which it does sound like you are). If you want to get back together with her, just leave her alone. Let her make all the moves. Just be there for her and she will probably get her head together and realize that she does love you and wants to make it all work. Good luck. I think you two will work this all out and be great!

Answer 3

You really kind of messed up, but there might be hope. I found this great article that you should print and read with her.

You are really going to have your work cut out for you, and the sad thing is, unless you really step up to the plate, you're going to lose bigtime.

My suggestion would be to try and help her out to prove that you realize how you were unavailable. Do what you can to show the changes you are willing to make. Being a working mother of two kids with two jobs is taxing, tiring, and stressful, and if you didn't do all you could to "balance" those jobs, then you are going to have to pull your weight and hope she sees that you're sincere.

"After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. She ends up believing there's absolutely nothing she can do because everything she's tried hasn't worked. That's when she begins to carefully map out the logistics of what she considers to be the inevitable, getting a divorce.
While she's planning her escape, she no longer tries to improve her relationship or modify her partner's behavior in any way. She resigns herself to living in silent desperation until "D Day." Unfortunately, her husband views his wife's silence as an indication that "everything is fine." After all, the "nagging" has ceased. That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."
Then, even when her husband undergoes real and lasting changes, it's often too late. The same impenetrable wall that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing his genuine willingness to change. The relationship is in the danger zone...

Perhaps your wife is no longer open to your advances because she's a soon-to-be walkaway wife. If so, read the posts on the open messageboard. Don't crowd her. Don't push. Be patient. If you demonstrate you can change and she still has eyes...and a heart, you might just convince her to give your marriage another try." ~Excerpts from the article I included a link to below. Please use it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

She's just confused and needs the space to figure things out. I'm sure she still loves you, but maybe in the midst of the marriage and the kids and working two jobs she feels like she's lost herself. Encourage her to do the things that interest her and that are for her enjoyment, not to make anyone else happy. Once she sees that you do support her decisions and are there for her, she'll probably eventually come back. Or she may decide that the best thing is for you guys to go your own ways. It sounds to me like she is just going through a slight mid-life crisis and things will get back to normal eventually.

Answer 5

Although I am not married, marriage is something has to be worked on and kept new. I think somewhere in your marriage lives, each of you went you separate ways, not taking time to be together as a couple.. doing couple things... cuddling, kissing, doing dishes together... you know the small things, (the ones that acutally count)

you have to realize that you have been married for yrs so there are many changes that you have both made in those years, you may have grown apart.

If you really want to save your marriage.. I say give her time, but also ask if she woud be willing to go to counseling. and when you go, don't be so quick to say you, you, you... me, me, me... marriage and relationships are two way streets, you can make it if you try to walk that road together, don't let the past hinder the furture, don't hold grudges and don't hold things in.

As far as her spending a lot of time with her family.. she needs them now.. needs there comfort and support.

Answer 6

15 years is a long time to be married. ask her if she would go to counseling with you. sometimes a marriage counselor can help. also tell her that you love n miss her and if yall could seek help on the marriage, that you don't want to throw away 15 years. and you're going to have to change too. One of the biggest problems with couples is that they get too comfortable with each other, and they lose all perception of what it takes to make a marriage work. Men should help their wives with things around the house. you helped make the children and you should help take care of them. Plus women love the cuddling, kissing and going out. that just assures them that they are still attractive to you men and lets us know that yall still love us. GOOD LUCK WITH THIS ONE!

Answer 7

Have you told her you love her and want her? That you miss her? Are you willing to change your ways so you'd help her out more? Say it AND show it. If you haven't tried counseling, maybe you should. Suggest it to her like, "I know you want to make the first move, and I'll gladly let you, but I think we could both benefit by talking to an impartial party about our problems." If she's not willing, go on your own. I hope you guys work things out. Good luck!

Answer 8

She probably felt unappreciated for all the work she was doing and that feeling turned to resentment. Her friends are probably telling her to let you suffer so that you can really understand what she meant to you, but if you have the bond you say then she will come back, she just wants to feel like you need her to come back more than anything.

Answer 9

Just wait it thru be there for her. It sounds like you really do love each other but got caught up in life and the kids and kinda forgot about each other.

Answer 10

You need to let her find her own way. Sounds like she is having an identity crisis. You won't be happy with her until she has settled her own issues.

Answer 11

YOU NEED TO START OVER LIKE A DATING COUPLE. TAKE HER OUT, HOLD HER, AND SHOW HER THAT YOU CARE. WOMEN LIKE TO KNOW THAT WE ARE APPRECIATED AND LOVED. TAKE THINGS SLOW AND GET THE LOVE BACK IN THERE. MAYBE THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE SOUL MATES. IF SHE MOVES BACK HOME TO YOU, THEN TAKE TIME TO HAVE A DATE NIGHT JUST YOU TWO TO KEEP THE ROMANCE THERE. ALSO HELP HER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO GIVE HER A BREAK.