I walked in on my step-son, when he was masturbating. He had my bra and panties in front of him on my bed. He was also using our lubricant what should i do? He is 16 years old.
2006-06-15 03:00:53 · 26 answers · asked by help mesa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That is normal. I wouldn't do anything. If you can't handle it, ask your husband to talk to him. Obviously, he has a thing with you.
2006-06-15 03:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
#1 Don't walk into his room without knocking (if he's in his room) Since it was in YOUR room, you need to discuss with him that your room is your space and it's not appropriate to do something that private in YOUR space.
#2 The bra and panties are your personal property and you would appreciate that he not use them for his personal use. Tell him it's nothing personal... just an issue you have.
#3 Using your lubricant was another invasion of privacy, however, this is one battle I would let go. If he got if from your bedroom, then perhaps you should put some in a place where it's more appropriate for him to get it from or suggest he use some other lubricant.
#4 A 16 year old masturbating is very common and I would think something were wrong if he WASN'T.
Again, the issue is that he violated your personal space and you need to discuss that it isn't appropriate for him to do that in YOUR space and NOT that he was masturbating. You can start the conversation with "most people do that, but..." and explain that it's a private matter you would rather not know about if it makes you squeamish and that perhaps the bathroom/his own room is a more appropriate place to do that. And where is Dad? He really needs to be in on this if he can act accordingly and support you.
2006-06-15 03:10:20 · answer #2 · answered by dark_storm73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will agree on what many others have said here, it is perfectly normal and expected for a 16 year old to be masturbating. It happens. If it didn't, you may want to check if everything was okay with you son.
As for the lubricant, what you need to ask yourself is "Do I want him to have access to this?" Keep in mind, that lubricant often makes masturbation feel BETTER. It's a lot soft and more comfortable. However, if the answer is yes to that question, you might want to have a special place in the house you store it. The back of a medicine cabinet, under a sink, etc. If it is no, simply keep it hidden with no clues as to where it is.
In the section of your underwear, I can assure you he is not thinking about you in that underwear. It is against the laws of a natural child to have a crush on their step-mom, or family in general. Period. I am sure that having those undergarments is merely a way for him to visualize a woman. Sometimes, it's all it takes. If this is a consistant problem, buy him (I suggest) a Victoria's Secret or department store catalog. It could be the difference.
2006-06-15 03:53:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lost Finding 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a parent I can understand this touchy situation. It is going to happen and there is nothing you can do to change that. But there is the situation about him using your bra and panties to fantasize with, in that case I would make sure that you are staying modest around him and making sure your actions around him are not inappropriate because he may be fantasizing about what is in those bra and panties. You don't have to talk to him about it outright it may just be better to buy a few lingerie pieces and provide him with some lubricant of his own and discreetly put it in his drawer or something. This way he will not get offended and he will know that it is okay with you.
Think of it this way, would you rather have him masturbating or having sex and getting a girl pregnant?
Now if he was just using your bra and panties to touch and get aroused thats fine but if he was fantasizing about you wearing them then that may be a whole much bigger issue.
Feel free to email me at wallyg2@hotmail.com if you want.
2006-06-15 03:15:26 · answer #4 · answered by Wally Gator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poor lonely boy wants to experiment. It may sound perverted that he uses your bra and panties but it is most likely the clossest thing he has for visuals. Ask him if he is comfortable talking about it and if not tell him it is o.k. and do not be embarrassed. I did some crazy things when I was a kid also. Hopefully he does not have feelings for you because that could be pretty awkward.
2006-06-15 03:07:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know it is not ok to invade the privacy of your room without mentioning the masturbation part.He should get the message already about using your things which were probably just used for a convenient visual to enhance his arousal.Hopefully his feelings don't go beyond that and if so he'd best keep those kind of thoughts to himself. Hormones can wreak havoc for a young inexperienced boy. I doubt if you'll have any more trouble of the sort as him violating your belongings as he knows now your aware of his mistake.
2006-06-15 03:24:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom,
Sit your son down in a loving way and express to him that masturbation is a natural thing and that you, if you, understand that he is going to do this at his age. Then talk about how you both felt about you walking in on him. Explain to him the boundaries that this situation may have heightened. Offer him the opportunity to talk to his dad about other vises for his excitement. Because you two have already discussed it, you could offer to sit in if he's comfortable for support. Explain to him that your room is off limits and that your clothes aren't to be used by any means. Show understanding and he will feel comfortable coming to you with issues. It could be a great bonding devise for you two.
Clarissa
2006-06-15 03:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by mrschloerichardson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch... I would explain to him that he shouldn't be doing that in your room (or using bra and panties to get him off.) I also wouldn't be too okay with him using your lubricant, if I were you. It isn't his and he didn't ask to use it (;p) On a serious note, you could set up a little system so that you don't walk in on him. If his door is closed it means "Do Not Enter" if it's open it means "Welcome" (That's a liittle something one of my friends parents came up with... Pretty simple)
2006-06-15 03:07:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!!! NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD DO..........IT IS NORMAL TO MASTURBATE, BUT DOING IT ON YOUR BED WITH YOUR PANTIES AND BRA, HE SURE DOES HAVE THE HOTS FOR YOU..............LOL WHAT HE DID DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE HAS MENTAL PROBLEMS OR ANYTHING, I HAVE HAD B/F IN THE PAST THAT WANTED TO TAKE MY USED PANTIES HOME WITH HIM TO SMELL THEM AND MASTURBATE TO THEM, I THOUGHT IT WAS ODD AT FIRST. I DO THINK THAT U SHOULD HAVE A CALM TALK WITH HIM AND TELL HIM THAT YOU KNOW THAT MASTURBATING IS NORMAL BUT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF HE WOULD LEAVE YOUR THINGS ALONE, MAYBE U SHOULD GET HIM A GIRLY MAGAZINE SO HE CAN HAVE PICS TO DO THAT TO, I WOULD RATHER HIM DO THAT THEN TO MY PANTIES..........GOOD LUCK
2006-06-15 03:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by kimblueize34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your step son may have seen U doing ........with his father on your bed. He may have seen every single movement of the event. Probably he had seen it very often without U noticing him watching at both of U. As such, he started to imagine the episode and did something what U saw. He wanted to have the feeling. Indirectly, he was trying to give an indication that he admired U sexually. Try to ask him casually why he did it. He may have his reasons.
2006-06-15 03:25:12 · answer #10 · answered by abta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell his father and have him talk with him. It is totally normal for boys of that age to masturbate and men(boys) are visual creatures. I wouldn't think it had anything to do with you personally. My husband once told me when he was 15 that he got caught masturbating to a JC Penny catalog haha. Good luck!
2006-06-15 03:03:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋