If you have stayed with your partner after an affair how did you get through it and move on. How did you learn to trust agian and believe what they are saying please help.
2006-06-15 00:59:29 · 31 answers · asked by dizzymooo 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if your partner is willing to move on then you should too. it is very painful to stay with a cheating spouse.all the bitter memories pops up in your mind again and again. the thing to do is forgive. you must never think of taking revenge. talk to your partner and try to mend whatever is left of the relationship.dont try to forget...you can never forget. but you can forgive. then you will move on.remember that you have won and your spouse really loves you...or else he wouldnt be with you. remember people makes mistakes. dont repeat his mistakes. if he repents for his mistakes then embrace him. start a new life. go to councelling, pick up sports, spend time to gether. after all life is short.
2006-06-15 01:08:33 · answer #1 · answered by atahsina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This hasn't happened to me.
But I've always told myself that if my boyfriend had an affair with another girl, I mean a "mistake" for one night, and he was to tell me, I think I would forgive him, because I prefer my man to be weak in front of a sexy girl rather than to be liar in front of me.
Somebody who cheats once is not necessarily a cheater, it depends how it happened, but everyone should get a second chance.
By the way, I'd pay special attention to the condom issue and ask him for getting tested anyway.
Although I keep my fingers cross and hope it won't happen!
I think we all have a high religious background in our minds even if we stand for people who do not believe, and therefore we can be quite strict about these rules.
If this was to happen to somebody for whom faith is the most important value in a couple, I think they should break up because they would never recover and the relationship would never be as good as before the mistake.
My first value in a couple is generosity, and second trust, I mean by this that I'm not with a policeman and I don't want to give a detailed report of all I'm up to, I just want him to believe I love him and it's for granted, I don't want him to check my mobile, my pockets and my timetable...Trusting can be hard after an affair, but you have to do it, because freedom is the most important thing.
If the two people are willing to sincerely forgive and forget, then they can probably keep a good relationship.
2006-06-15 13:40:40 · answer #2 · answered by julia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have stayed with my partner after an affair. It was hard at first but the thing for us was to talk things through and figure out where things went wrong. I had to forgive him for what he has done to me and our family. Its easy to say that if my partner cheats I am leaving but after it happens that all changes because I used to say the same thing. When there are children involved its so much harder to leave. We had bad communication before the affair but now things are different, it is still hard to trust him but I have to give him a chance. Its been over a year now and things couldnt be better, we talk about our feelings and things that need to be talked about. In my heart I had to forgive him. But everyone is different. I had to follow my heart and that is what I did. I think you should follow what your heart tells you.
2006-06-15 08:36:33 · answer #3 · answered by sailorslady81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 years ago he had an affair but I let him stay for the kids. Big mistake. I have never trusted him since and now we're having big problems - kids are leaving and its just us 2 again. I should have chucked him out at the time. Good luck girl!
2006-06-15 09:55:46 · answer #4 · answered by Jude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I currently had a friend that is in that situation right now. His wife had more than one affair. They separated for about 2 months and he decided to reconcile. Love does not make you question trust, friendship, and self respect. Don't even stay for the child's sake. You have to forgive and forget...but you do not have to stay in the marriage. Move on with your life and trust God to heal the pain that you are feeling in your heart.
It will work out......just follow what is in your heart.....and I think you already know.....just do it
2006-06-15 08:38:21 · answer #5 · answered by crystal l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not ever known any body to do so, however i am sure it has happened It is very hard to trust somebody like you once did before that happens. It is hard to get that back in a relationship i guess you would have to first talk it over and then you would have to put the whole thing behind you and never bring it up in a fight.
2006-06-15 08:39:57 · answer #6 · answered by babyscorpiogirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can trust them again. It is really hard and it depends on what type of a person you are and they are. Think of why you wanted to be with them when you first met them and work on that. The other thing is to talk loads about where it all went wrong, encourage them to talk about why they felt they had to stray and weigh up if you can continue to be with them. You can do it, so long as you know they can too.
2006-06-15 08:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by Wicked Top. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi-ya, You poor thing, that's not going to be easy, has he/she cheated before? are there any other problems going on? If your in doubt then maybe you need time on your own to heal & regain your strength. Don't be a push over, if my hubby cheated there would be no more chances, but I was divorced before so I know what it's like to be a single parent, it's the fear of the unknown. Think of your self & your children (if any) what would be best for them & would you want them to be treated in that way? Good luck
2006-06-15 08:07:36 · answer #8 · answered by krissyjrmy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am still in a marriage where my husband cheated with someone while i was pregnant with our third child, not to mention they were together for just about a year. i found out about it during my pregnancy but did not act on it until probably six months later.
i put him out and prayed that whatever God wanted me to do he would allow it to happen and those two turned on one another once he realized he couldn't be without me or his children every day, because he tried to see me every day.
i stop accepting his calls and he realized what he was loosing. i did take him back and he has been back for 9 months now. talk about what caused him/her to cheat. be very open with one another and explain trust is something earned and now they will have to earn yours back.
this will not happen over night but it will happen. i sometimes question what my husband is doing when he comes home very late, but i find a different outlet rathe than show my weariness about what i am thinking. but don't let it destroy what you have.
if you can save your relationship then do it. love is being able to say i am sorry. being able to admit you did something wrong and being able to forgive, but you don't have to forget.
but ultimately it is truly up to you what you do. good luck.
2006-06-15 10:12:25 · answer #9 · answered by jcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot of time to teach yourself how to forget, I think a person can forgive but it is never easy to forget, but on the other hand I believe that a person CAN learn from his mistakes and if cheated once does not mean that they will cheat again, I guess you know deep in your heart if that person really regrets it and if he is willing to sail that ship again.
2006-06-15 08:21:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋