He's testing us?

Question

We have a four and a half month old little boy named Rubius. For the past two to three weeks, he has been doing what everyone says is 'testing'. He only does it to me though. If I put him down, leave the room, or try to play peek-a-boo with him, he cries because he thinks I'm not there. It's starting to get really stressful though because 1: this is my first child and 2: I just don't know what to do. I don't want to spoil him, because he's already trying to see how often he can get picked up and whatnot. How can I deal with this and when does it stop??? lol Thanks.

Answer 1

I've got news for people: studies have been done to show babies can and DO "test" their parents. You're right, they aren't consciously thinking "Hmmm, will Mommy pick me up if I do this?" but they ARE capable of figuring out "when I do this, they do THAT". Something to do with activity in the part of the brain that does the problem-solving.... honestly, I don't know specifics. But I do remember reading about it when my kiddos were the same age.

I'd go with the middle of the road approach. Pick him sometimes. Let him fuss occasionally just to see if he'll "work it out". Try singing or talking to him, or give him a safe toy to play with. You won't spoil him by giving him attention, but he might be able to train YOU to do what he wants all the time!

Oh, and it doesn't stop. Ever. I'm in my thirties and I still cry to get Daddy's attention. ;-)

Answer 2

Ok, I've had one of these "little darlings" and it is a very difficult time because you are constantly tired, but there is a very easy solution that is incredibly difficult to carry out. What you have to do is actually ignore him. But only for short periods of time. Start with 2 minutes. Just leave the room and let him cry for two minutes. Then, after a day, extend that to 4 minutes, and so on. And don't pick him up just because he demands it. Just make sure that the room that you leave him in is safe, before you leave and go into another room.

I know it is not easy, but there are three very important things to remember.
1. You need your sanity to be able to look after a child, so you need to put aside time for just you. I know it is very difficult to organise that, but 5 minutes in another room with a cup of coffee can be enough.
2. Children are masters of manipulation. I know it sounds wierd that a four month old child can manipulate, but they can. They will have you twisted round their little finger before you know it. Be aware of this.
3. And finally, and this is probably the most important thing. Crying will not hurt a child. Don't leave him to cry forever, and I know that the sound cuts through you like a knife, but stand back and listen to the crying. Listen carefully. There are different sounds for different things. One type of crying for food, one for attention, one just because they can.........etc. Manipulation!!!

I hope that this will help, and when will it stop? Right now. If you continue worrying about this, and acting on his demands then this will go on forever.
Sounds like you are doing a brilliant job already, because you realise that you don't want this situation, and you are looking for help. And for the record, I made huge mistakes, and got things right, like everyone else. I can't promise that this will work, but you never know.
The best of luck to you, and Rubius. You will be fine, and so will he. In a way, just stop reacting to his demands, and start taking control. Remember, you are the grown-up!

Answer 3

OMG! A 4 1/2 month old testing? He doesn't have the brain capacity for being manipulative. Your child is right on track and doing what he should do.
You said he only did this to you. Are you Mom? Your son is starting to realize that you are a seperate entity and not connected to him. He is feeling separation anxiety. My son is 11 months old and would not let me put him down for the first 3 months of his life (he cried every time and drove me banannas!) Now he is the most contented child I have ever known. He plays in his playpen, on the floor, or even in a bouncy seat outside while I garden.

You should look at http://www.babycenter.com to read more about 4 1/2 month old development and what to expect.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Wow, does this sound familiar!!! My oldest child ios 7 years old. When she was about your son's age, she did the same thing! She would fuss and fuss for my husband or me to pick her up. She came to be that way b/c we ALWAYS held her, and so did everyone esle...she was the first baby in my husband's family. It got to the point to where we would put her in her swing, and if we just walked beside her, she would stop crying instantly b/c she thought we were going to pick her up. As soon as we walked by, she would start screaming again. Now, I KNEW nothing was worng with her, she was just pissed off! How did I break her of it? Lots of tough love. Only picked her up when "I" felt like it, or if she was hungry, dirty, tired, etc. It took about a week of that and she finally learned to play alone without me holding her all the time. And it helped her a lot I believe in becoming independent and also improved her learning skills.

Some may not agree with that approach, but it worked for me. And believe me, after that lesson, we didnt make the same mistake with our other 2 children!! Lots of luck!

Answer 5

I will tell you my answer from my point of view. Each one of us has to decide what is best for our family.
for ours, it was a "middle of the road" approach. Don't hold all the time, but don't let them cry it out all the time either.
We did "sleep training" which meant that we have a nap schedule and we try to stick to it based on the child (don't be such a stickler that you're not paying attention to your child's particular needs for the day.)
So when the baby looks tired- actually before the baby looks very tired, but after a few days of watching your baby you'll start to notice his cues, take him to his crib. Have a little ritual- change diaper, sing a song,etc... then lay him down. He will fuss, but we left the room. Stay nearby and listen and if he gets ramped up, go back in and settle him down, then leave again. A few days of this and he will learn that sleep is not such a bad thing and he will know that when you're putting him in his crib, it is time to sleep.
Some call this a harsh approach, but one of the most loving things you can do for your child is help them learn to sleep.

Answer 6

a infant is not capable of complex thought
your child can not be testing you
he is not " trying to see how often he can get picked up and whatnot."
you can not spoil a baby

you should have taken a parenting class to help with these kind of questions but I'm glad you are bringing them up now! baby's cry when they need something not when they want something! if your baby needs to be held hold him! a sling would be a good idea, that would make him feel secure and leave your hands free.

please take a parenting class or at LEAST one on child development if you are this unsure on how an infants brain works
motor skills have nothing to do with complex thought patterns

Answer 7

First your son cries because he needs your attentions second he wants you to pick him up. At this stage please do not pick him up but gently rub your fingers on his forehead and make a funny face or sound. Gently and don't frighten the little fellow for god sake. get a small toy and dangle it over him and play. When your son start playing give him a little kiss and make sure that you show him that you love him. Be come yourself like little fellow like him. Good Luck friend. All children go through this. he is not testing you. He tries to find love from you.

Answer 8

Just talk to him. He just wants to be sure you aren't leaving him. I have 2 month old twins and they cry when I leave the room most times. I just continue to talk to them from outside the room (loud enough that they can hear me) and when I come back They are looking at the doorway waiting for me. Then I go and pick them up one at a time, hug them , kiss them, and put them back in their seat. I do this EVERYTIME I leave the room (no matter how many times that is) so that they know that I will be back for them. And they have come to look forward to the cuddles. They start smiling before I ever get to them.

Answer 9

okay... it stops when he's about 19 years old.

Strap in... it's going to be a WILD ride.

Parenting is tough! I've been through the cycle 3 times, twice, with STEP CHILDREN.... (if you think raising your OWN is tough!)

anyway... 3 rules...
1) be consistant...
2) No means NO... not MAYBE
3) don't think you're doing your child GOOD by giveing them what THEY want

The inmates don't get to run the asylum... (Contrary to what democrats say...) YOU as the parent ALWAYS know what's best... and you will act in your childs best interest... If they don't GET IT... so what... they will when they have kids of their own.

Good luck... Feel free to dialog any of this with me.

Answer 10

omg how is a 4 1/2 month old testing you shesh he is a baby probley not moving much right now either eye sight isnt fully there either now if he was 4 years then i could see it but not a baby 4 months at 4 months they just need to be loved and cared for