my 16 year old son has a girlfriend who is 18.a very sheltered 18 year old but 18 none the less.she lives two hours away i have reason to believe her parents have abused her and still are. she had 4 months left untill she graduated some consuelors from the school called her parents in for a meeting. and apparentlly the cps, was there, they said there was suspected abuse. the parents checked her out of the school, claiming false accuasations, told her they would help her get a ged. well four months later no ged they refuse to take her to get it. they will not let her get a drivers liscence. or a job.she is allowed to go to work with them at a cafe.5 days a week and they give her like 30 or 40 dollars. she is coming here to visit for two weeks staying with a friend. she doesn't want to go back is it right for me to help her find a job get ged, and maybe stay with us a while until we can find her a apt. my son is only 16. i have no prob w/them dating but living in the same house.advice?
2006-06-14 21:44:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I think it is great that you want to help this girl, I think if you are willing that you should help her to find a job and an apartment, and I think it is great that you are willing to take her into your home until she is up on her feet, I can understand you not wanting them living in the same house, but face it, if they want to have sex, they will have sex weather or not they live under the same roof, probally already have, so being scared to have them staying in the same house is pointless. I would just sit them down together and explain the rules of the house to them both.
2006-06-14 22:13:49 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. FairyLove 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely let her stay with you. First of all, she is legally considered an adult, so you cannot get in any trouble for harbouring a minor or anything. Secondly, you would be helping someone who is otherwise probably not going to recieve any help. You metioned that she was sheltered. Her parents probably did that on purpose so that the only version of the world she got was theirs (basically to assist in brainwashing her). In that kind of situation, where the child has been abused all her life, abuse is all she knows. Most likely, she will either stay with her parents or find another relationship that is just as toxic. I have been in her situation. Many people don't realise how scary the thought of getting out of a situation like that is (sounds ironic, doesn't it). It's very hard to explain, but it's a comfort zone thing. If someone does not step in and help her out, the chance increases that she will stay in toxic situations. If she knows that someone cares about her and will help her, however, she will be more likely to be ok on her own. I know I'm kind of rambling, and I'm sorry, but please help her if you feel you can. It will be much better for her in the long run.
2006-06-15 01:05:47 · answer #2 · answered by emily_rose_4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kind of a sticky situation...
Do you have a good friend with a family that might help you out with this? To bring her into your home could cause more problems since your son is definitely too young to be a dad. Even discussing the "I don't want you to but if you do, use protection" may not help. If she had another trusted home to stay at, it could help.
Unfortunately you area dealing with not only the welfare of your son but someone else's child who is dating your son.
I would help her, if she seems legitimate, maybe she could live with "her friend", if you talked to the friends parents. But I really think that letting her and your son live in the same house could be a problem. Not to mention that he is young and this probably won't last. If you really care about her, you should find a safe environment for her to stay and try to help her get her GED. There is only so much you can do without violating your son, in a matter of speaking.
Good luck.
2006-06-14 22:41:18 · answer #3 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i were you i would help her get her GED and a job or maybe even go to college. if she only had four months til graduation she should be able to take the test and pass, so she souldnt have to go to classes. I would incourage her to go to college. She can live on campus! Until then i would see if she could stay with the friend she is visiting if all other options failed i would let her stay with me i would just make my son sleep in my room. They have grants and loans that will pay for it all. i went to college at a private college and never paid a dime out of my pocket when i was in school. I worked at school as a student worker also.
2006-06-14 22:44:00 · answer #4 · answered by cajunprincess97 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow your son is lucky to have a mum that cares about not only him but his girlfriend as much as you do, and i think that at 18 she should be doing what she wants, so yeah help her if her parents are abusing her than she needs to get out and if you are willing to help her and this is what she wants then help her. she needs a proper mother figure in her life and who better then her boyfriends mother to care for her, i think she would be so appreciative of you and will always will be even if your son and her brake up. i deffiently think that if she wants to work and get a ged (what ever that is??) and needs help doing it you should help her. I also think you are a amazing mother and woman to help her and want to help her like you are. Her parents are not being supportive and as if a 18 year old she deserve working her butt off 5 days a week and only receive $30 $40 a day its not right and they are not letting her make a future for herself
2006-06-14 23:17:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are really nice for wanting to help and I think you should if you can handle it if you can't take her in you should find out what kind of help is available to her and use the time to figure out a plan. Since she is over 18 her parents don't really have any legal control over her life, she is free and clear. It would be harder if she was minor , even illegal. I'm not sure about the situation with your son if you are concerned about sex. Many parents are o.k. with their teenage children having relations in their home. If you are one of them then I guess it is okay. Everybody has very different values. You know your son best and whether he is mature enough to handle this type of situation. Go with your gut feeling it is usually right.
2006-06-14 21:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by tryingtolearnsomething 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was in your shoes I would take it in two stages:
(1) --- She is an adult.. and if she wants to accept your help then there is nothing her parents or anyone can do to stop do what she wants to do.
(2) --- HOWEVER... you must also think of your son... How messed up is she herself already, after that prolonged miserable life she has had with her parents ? YOUR SON COMES FIRST... then she... in priotity two. That is how I would do it. A 16 year old boy although he may already sound like a man... is a BABY still !!!
2006-06-14 21:54:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are asking the wrong question here, because it is ok to help her and all, but it is not ok that an 18 year old girl is dating your 16 year old son. It is ok if she stays in your house but not in the same room your son sleeps in, that would be so wrong.
good luck.
2006-06-14 21:52:00 · answer #8 · answered by john 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she needs some help.
What does your son think about living with her?
Maybe you could help her find a place close to you.
I dont think it sounds right for her to live with you and your son long term.
2006-06-14 22:48:49 · answer #9 · answered by meowgirl182 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a grown woman and you should try helping her. YOu seem real mature and just do what you can to comfort and help her
2006-06-15 03:53:37 · answer #10 · answered by marishka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋