Well Ive not been doing my part as a man that should be more appreciative towards his wife. Ive been ignoring her on many occasions, and didnt appreciate her presence. Shes a good wife and takes care of her home and husband very well. All this made her very sad and hurt, and eventually turned into a big fight and a plan for a divorce.
This wasnt the first time we fought and planned for divorce, as we did fight many times before and I did promise her each time that it was going to be the last. After 3 months, Ive met her again recently and tried to apologize for my stupid mistakes again. Being the kind person she is, she was willing to listen and was very responsive. Naturally, shes finding it difficult to trust me again because of the many times I promised her. But this time Im serious, and I want her to know that Im serious too. I told her all my feelings and apologized sincerly, but I feel that she needs to see more.
Please help me, I could do with any suggestions or ideas!
Thank
2006-06-14 19:54:25 · 11 answers · asked by Zwerg 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What are you doing now that is different from all the other times to show you that you are serious this time?
If you are doing nothing differently, then you have to ask yourself just how serious are you? Plus, is she sees nothing different, she has no reason to believe you.
Are you seeking counseling?
Here's another thing that guys don't do very well with: do you show her affection and attention? Do you leave her little notes, touch her arm when you walk by her, take the time to listen to her with no outside distractions such as TV or radio? Women are like plants: if they don't get watered (which means attention, comfort, security) they wither like a plant. When they wither, they feel insecure and unloved.
And I say this in all seriousness, and don't mean it to sound like women are needy. They need certain things in a relationship just like men. In fact, I think a lot of men would be surprised at how understanding a woman can be if she is watered (again using the analogy here).
2006-06-14 20:59:21 · answer #1 · answered by phyziczteacher 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have been the wife in a similar situation and have recently divorced because of it. I heard the promises to change and all that several times. If you knew you were being hurtful you should of done something about it a long time ago. We all wait until its too late to get "serious" . Everyone has their limit on how much we'll put up with. It sounds like you need to get your priorities in order and really decide what you want . With the broken promises you're messing with anothers feelings. Trust can be lost in an instant but may take years to get back.
2006-06-14 21:32:26 · answer #2 · answered by dusty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek counseling and help and have her go with you... This is a perfect way to show her you are serious and want to change! Spend time with her doing things that she likes to do. Make her feel special! I sure understand why she is sad and hurt ... Apologize to her and ask her for forgivenss and tell her that you feel really bad for hurting her and that you will give her the time and space she needs to heal and to get past this and that over time maybe she will choose to forgive you. You will have to over time prove yourself to her but at the same time you can let her live on her own away from you and not sign divorce papers until after you both have tried everything you could to save the marriage and there is absolutely no saving to it! She needs time and space and the best thing you can do is give it to her. Leave the ball in her court and dont call or bother her.... Let her go and let her be the one to call you or contact you. I know this will be hard but trust me it will work. I am here if you need to talk and if she wants to talk i am here too!
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.marriagebuilders.com
2006-06-15 01:47:32 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've lucked out and married an extremely forgiving woman. If it was me, I would have kicked you to the curb long ago.
Trust isn't something you can rebuild in a day, nor are there any shortcuts to doing it. If you're sincere, then make sure you not only show it - but go out of your way to do so.
Thank her every day for something she's done for you - even if it's just to thank her for making dinner. Try to surprise her at least once a week with something nice - like flowers, a backrub, a dinner out, etc. Compliment her as often as you can, even if it's subtle. (e.g. - Every time I say "I'm hot" in response to the temperature, my fiance always responds with "Yeah ya are" and grins). Be creative.
Keep in mind that you're treading a very thin line here - one screw-up could have you back at square one, or worse. If you truly love your wife, make the effort. It'll be worth it.
2006-06-14 20:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by CrazyOphelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a good suggestion for you....you sound like a real jerk who loves to take advantage of other people's kind natures. It's a shame it took your wife so long to wisen up and realize what a liar you are, but now if there is a god maybe she'll keep blowing you off until the ink dries on the divorce papers. Then she can be well and truly free of you.
2006-06-14 20:18:34 · answer #5 · answered by minion 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be very straightforward and honest with her. No more lies. Ever. Be where you say you are going to be. Do what you say you will do. Keep your word from now on, and truly show your appreciation and love for your wife as a person, not as someone who doted on you and gave you what you needed. Show her you love her for herself. Show her you want her not for what you are lacking in your life or what she can do for you, but because you truly love her and want only the best for her. Look out for things you can do for her, without her asking. Let her rail at you if she needs to, and accept anything she dishes out...you've not only hurt her but hurt yourself in this process, and you both need to heal together if you have any hope of reconciling. Good luck.
2006-06-14 20:11:34 · answer #6 · answered by kracavitsa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that you make a habit out of breaking her trust. If you really care about her, you should apologise and let her go.
Do you want to continuously hurt someone that is dear to you? If you answer yes, you can see why she wants to go away. If you answer no, then let her go so that you not break another promise. Good luck and act intelligently.
2006-06-14 19:58:48 · answer #7 · answered by ilovela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD SHOW HER YOUR APPRECIATION MORE LIKE TELLING HER THE HOUSE LOOKS NICE AFTER SHE HAS DONE THE CLEANING AND JUST FOR NO REASON BRING HER FLOWERS AND A CARD HOME. TELL HER NOT TO COOK AND TAKE HER OUT TO A ROMANTIC DINNER. JUST BY SHOWING HER THAT YOU DO APPRECIATE HER AND SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH HER AND HOLDING LONG CONVERSATIONS WILL MAKE HER FEEL SO GOOD. JUST DONT GIVE HER ANY REASON TO DOUBT YOU BECAUSE ONCE A WOMAN HAS A REASON NOT TO TRUST YOU IT IS HARD TO GAIN THAT TRUST BACK EVEN IF SHE WANTS TO GIVE IT BACK TO YOU SOMETHING IN HER HEART WILL KEEP HER FROM DOING SO.
2006-06-14 20:02:02 · answer #8 · answered by <<SEXY MOMMA>> 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your relationship might not work out because you messup a lot of times may you should move on with your life you know. It sounds like you said that you are sorry. and don,t mean it when you said that you were sorry you know. so what did you do for your wife not to trust you any more their s a good reason why she dose not trust you you know why? you should not say your sorry unless you really mean it that your sorry.
2006-06-14 20:11:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not blame her...."serious" is a relative term.
2006-06-14 20:01:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋