Everyone in my boyfriends family had been married and divorced some of them several times and he is a very strong willed person. He doesnt want to make the same mistakes as all of his loved ones did....how do i make him him see that marriage is only what you make it? I love him with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with him.....i know that we can be happy without being married but what girl doesnt want to have a wedding?
2006-06-14 19:20:39 · 19 answers · asked by jlh04 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Respect his view. Marriage now a days is nothing but a business contract. The divorce rate is ridiculous. The idea of marriage no longer exists anymore. Why leave a person because of the word called marriage? YOu can be happy with him the rest of your life without a silly and useless certificate.
2006-06-14 19:25:25 · answer #1 · answered by de rak 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
AH....this is a toughie. Well, I think that a big factor in this is how long the two of you have been a couple for. I figure the longer you've been together the better your chances of convincing him. You know though, probably a big part of why he is reluctant and hesitant to get married is because he loves you so much and doesn't want to see things go down between the two of you as they have with so many other people in his life. I know how you feel, I've been with my guy for three years any am getting antsy for a proposal which I've been told not to expect for at least another three years. While a wedding and marraige are very desirable things, at the same time his feelings on the matter must also be respected. I think you just really need to talk to him about this some more so that he truly understands how strongly you feel about it. You might mention to him that after 7 years of being together the government is gonna consider you married anyways ;) Good luck sweetheart, I hope all goes well.
2006-06-14 19:30:02 · answer #2 · answered by Zarango 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think marrage works best when you don't take it seriously. I've been married for over 20 years. I'm 36. Honestly the only thing that is important is today. If you talk, are honest, good to each other then really nothing else matters. Not the ring, the cake, all that. A wedding is basically a perfect day created just for you two. It's a day for you two. I'd ask him for a day like that. If not a wedding then a party where you comit to each other infront of everyone. A day where the wine flows like water and the air smells like orchids. call it a commitment cerimony. Whatever. Odds are if you can get him to do this anything but signing papers. He'll say fak it and just sign the papers.
2006-06-14 19:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Theo Black 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be harsh, but it is true. You can't force somebody to do something they don't believe in. I understand how you feel about marriage, I really do. But, it is obvious that your boyfriend just doesn't have those same feelings and he has a very valid reason as to why he shys away from the whole marriage thing. I know that you want the whole wedding and all, but being married doesn't always mean that you are happier. Think about it. Love exists with or without a ring. Maybe he'll come around..maybe he won't. What you should ask yourself is if you will be able to handle it if he doesn't.
2006-06-14 19:28:26 · answer #4 · answered by just_a_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a way its a good thing he's like that, at least you know you're in a relationship with someone who will be totally committed to making the marriage work, maybe he needs to see the difference between the actual problems those people had that caused the divorce and know that in the relationship you guys have you two would handle things differently, he has to take all of that as examples and learn from they're mistakes instead of just vowing to never get married. Good Luck
2006-06-14 19:29:09 · answer #5 · answered by mzdivine1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you two are on two separate pages in your life. He is not ready for marriage, but you might be, depending on how old and mature you are.
Second, you can not make someone believe the same thing as you do, just because you want it to be so. Instead, decide if he never want to be married, if you can live with that.
Third, I do not know if this has ever been suggested, but you might encourage him to seek counseling. It sounds like he has a lot of issues that he is dealing with, and may not know how to handle them.
2006-06-14 19:26:17 · answer #6 · answered by nom_de_plume30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't want a wedding, but only because the groom doesn't value the institution of marriage.
He is familiar with what he knows from personal experience. My suggestion is that you augment that experience by forming friendships with other couples that have solid marriages. If he's been negatively influenced by his family, maybe it's time he's seen the good part of marriage.
Honestly, don't try to push for a marriage, but if that's what's in your heart, I'd discuss your expectations and sources of possible future dismay.
Good luck with everything!
2006-06-14 19:24:46 · answer #7 · answered by iniyaitza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize that you can't live to change people. If you want to take that chance then you take that risk. Is that a deal breaker for you? If he never wants to get married and you do and you waste 2 years with him, then what?? What if you get pregnant? DO NOT SETTLE AND GIVE UP WHAT YOU WANT FOR WHAT MAY NOT HAPPEN!!! Have more respect for yourself. If you have self love and self worth you will understand that what you want is important and if someone that says that they love you but cant give it to you, then they do not love you like they should..... and you may need to move on to something better. If he is not sure that it will last, then maybe it won't.
2006-06-14 19:29:36 · answer #8 · answered by iwanabethequeen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means that he doesn't want to get married, as you said, and he is stubborn, as you said, so make plans to back off, sister, unless you want to live like that. Perhaps if you don't push him, he won't be as stubborn, but you shouldn't have to deal with that. You know how he stands on the issue, so now it is your time to decide what you want to do. If you are stubborn too and just want to change him, you will both lock heads, and you are putting your own ideals on the line.
2006-06-14 19:24:12 · answer #9 · answered by ilovela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He truly DOES NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED!!! Never think that you can change him. If he tells you this, in all probability, you are not the one for him. If he breaks up with you, do not be surprised if he marries within six months. If you want to get married, fall out of love with him and in love with Mr.Right.
2006-06-14 19:28:18 · answer #10 · answered by grannywinkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋