Past experience has me paranoid or do i have reason to think what i do?

Question

A few months after dating my boyfriend i found out that when he would get around his buddies he would do drugs, cocaine! Well not being one to stay in a relationship like that i left him. When he came back asking if we could be together, i laid it out and told him that if it were to happn he would have to show me that he was not into the drug thing anymore. And he did, he didn't hang out with "the crowd" anymore, he would stay home, and you know basically did everything right to prove to me that it was just a "thing". 3 months later i decided to let him back in my life. Now we are 3 years into the relationship and we are doing great. but now we are starting to make new friends. Everytime he goes out EVEN next door to our neighbors house i feel very paranoid that he would start up again! He hasn't given me any reason to believe that he has gone back into that but i feel still feel very paranoid! How can i give him the benifit of the doubt without feeling as if i'm being made a fool?

Answer 1

I think you are letting your pride get the best of you. It's not that you don't trust your boyfriend, it's just that you don't want to be made a "fool" out of if by some SLIGHT chance he did do it again. It's like you have that attitude of "i am gonna catch you before you even THINK about making me look like an idiot for taking you back and thinking you can change." And that is not the attitude you need or your boyfriend needs at all. I believe that if you waited a 3 months before getting involved again than it just goes to show that you are a mature person and that you respect yourself. That is a good thing. Now all you have to do is transfer that maturity and self respect into what you have before you now. You know logically he can slip at anytime. ANYTIME. And if he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it whether you want him to or not. You can't blame him until you notice things are different or you see it with your own eyes. Imagination and paranoia can play tricks on you so you gotta make sure you know what's reall and what's not. Don't let your doubts be the reason that your relationship fails. And realize that when you decided to get back into the realtionship, you didn't get back into it so you can hang that over his head with. The faster u start to live a normal life without that dark cloud over you, the easier it is to overcome. Good luck in whatever you decide!

Answer 2

Well there is really no way to know if he will start back doing drugs again. The only thing you can do is pay attention to his behavior. And if you 2 are starting to make new friends, then that means you are around too, so you would be there to see anything going down. If it happens again, I wouldn't take him back. I was in a situation like that years ago and I could never put myself through that again. I refuse to go through life wondering if a person will slip up. Just be wise in what you see, or don't see. Good luck!

Answer 3

Lord if it has been three years that u guys have been together after the break because he was doing drugs. i would think he is fine and that there would be know need to be paranoid of getting back into. Now if he was hanging out with the old friends then hell yea exspecailly if them friends were still using. But for the most part i wouldn't worry about it. He must really love u to have quit. So i don't think that he would get back into that to lose u. exspecailly knowing how u feel about drugs and how u left him before.

Answer 4

I know it sounds nuts, but trust isn't about the other person. It is about you. Are you going to trust him? It's been 3 years and yes cocaine is pretty serious and addictive. But trust is trust. Either you do it or you don't. If you do....do it until you see otherwise. If you don't or can't, then that is about you and you need to end it and move on, but work on your trust in others.. because no matter what there is only one that will NEVER let you down~ People are flawed.

Answer 5

After 3 years of being clean you need to give the poor guy a break. Get over that past already.

Answer 6

dude sorry to say this yet ur a guy i dont imagine i understand one guy obtainable that hasnt been rejected by ability of a woman n obviously women like playin not straight forward to get their both performed their interest it really is why u gotta arise wht ur personal if u choose high quality in a woman be your self if u choose volume be a rattling reliable liar n act like u were given all of it discovered both way u desire the reliable personality, u cant get talked about if u dont do some thing commence out with sme eye contact at the same time as u wana frame of mind someone its in order that capturing

Answer 7

Give him the benefit of the doubt. He's proved his love for the last 3yrs, and he knows exactly what would happen if he stuffed up again. I don't think he'd risk it. He's worked too hard and long to stuff it all up now.

Answer 8

ultimately, the only way you can make him trustworthy is to trust him. maybe there is something going on that keeps you holding back - do you have a gut feeling he is being dishonest with you? i would trust your intuition to some degree, but at some point, if you want your relationship to go deeper, you will have to open yourself up to the possiblity of completely trusting him.

Answer 9

I would be paranoid just like you. Might keep a sharp eye out though, instincts are your best tell all. Good Luck!!

Answer 10

keep a close eye on him, let him go next door by himself for 20 minutes then go check on him. yeah it sounds like your going to be a mom but sometimes you have to in order to keep him accountable for his actions. you can also try to talk to him about this paranoia and get his opinion and thoughts on it and maybe he can have some ideas on how to keep himself accountable to you.

good luck!