my husband thought about cheating with a co-worker. what should i do?

Question

my husband said his boss was messing around with the new girl (18, blond, cute). This is the same girl i suspected him of cheating with a few monthes earlier, he confessed he didn't actually cheat but had a "crush" on her. around that time we were having a lot of problems (i had just miscarried and lost my job). I think he was a coward to threaten to leave me and think about cheating when i was vulnerable. but anyway...my problem is how do i forgive him??? he said he was depressed and he's sorry now but i'm afraid he would do it again. how do i trust him again and should i?

I think some people are missing the point. I was devestated over losing my unborn child and he tried to have an affair and leave me when he should of been at home mourning over our child. The affair didn't happen because the cute young blond turned him down for another married man!

Why don't more people think he should of been at home mourning his child instead of chasing women around? The affair would of happened if the young blond hadn't of turned him down! Instead the girl had an affair with the boss and got him fired (also a married man with 6 kids!!)

Answer 1

Do you think he is sincere and really apologetic? If so, then yes; you should forgive him and go on with your lives. I think it was messed up that he would think about cheating on you, just simply because you had a miscarage and lost a job! That was the time he was needed and you were needed to be there for each other! Talk to him and be very open. Explain how you feel and see what he says. From there, you'll know if he's sincere and ready to start over. When you do start over, don't bring up the past and bring up all the negativity when you argue in the future because that's only gonna cause problems and more conflicts! Good luck and try to get some counseling for the both of yall. It helps usually.

Answer 2

The question is NOT how you forgive him, but how do you forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not caring enough about YOU that you feel the need to put up with someone who clearly tells you that they had a crush on someone else, and threatened to leave you at the worse time in your life. The loss of your child and also to lose your job is a time when he should have been more supportive. Think about what would make you happy in this life, and see if he truly fits into that equation, if he does, you have already forgiven him. but if he doesn't, then do what you need to do.

Answer 3

Sounds like your man has reacted to bad times in your marriage inappropriately however we all react to things individually. The loss of your baby was his loss too and sometimes men dont handle this sort of loss very well. Instead of being supportive of you during your miscarriage and loss of job he has sort happiness elsewhere although he did not carry it out he thought about it. However one can see that during this time the grass certainly did look greener on the other side. Most importantly he did not carry his thought out, was attracted yes but did not go through with it so that gives him some sort of credibility. Your problem re forgiving him now comes down to you, he has been honest re his thoughts and actions and despite thinking of leaving he hasnt so now it is up to you to make it worth hanging around. The main issue here is not so much his intentions to cheat but what made cheating look attractive and go from there. Your marriage seems to have risen above the loses experienced by you both now it comes down to your ability to deal with the past and move on

Answer 4

Guys will appreciate any attention they get when it isn't their wife! He has eyes in his head and he's going to look. Forgive him and move on. Sounds like you both went through a low point in your lives. Move on...as a couple, your going to experience alot of those. Your right that he was a coward to say he was leaving, but you both lost that baby and you were both in a bad place at that time. Try again...if there is a chance for happiness you have to learn to forgive. Good Luck girl

Answer 5

It may take time to forgive him but also in the sence you will always have doubt in the back of your mind. Time heals all wounds and time is what it is going to take to forgive him. A relationships are based on trust, honesty, loyalty to one another. If theere is a trust and honesty or loyality issue honestly there is no hope. Because you got to have trust loyalty and honest with one another. You can forgive and let it go that it ever happened or you can move with you life to bigger and better things. No one can make up your mind for you. Were here togive our opinons on the questions givin.

Answer 6

Well to answer the first part, how to forgive, it's a long process, it begins with trusting God for yourself, and then you have to figure out if he is really sorry about it, does he act like it or not?! Only you can answer it, check out www.marriagebuilders.com great site it will be a huge help to you as it was to me, my story is this, hubby was deployed, came home 3 weeks before baby was born, he actually did cheat on me when baby was less than two months old! THe baby is now 10 month and we are working things out but can I say that I don't deal with it everyday? No I do deal with it every day, forgiveness is a process I deal with all of the time, reality is do you want your bitterness over what he did to you to eat you up or can you somehow find a way to pick yourslef up and get over it... for yourself! NOT him. Yes he should have been home with you, just like my hubby should have been home with me and our baby girl but he wasn't. His bad, not yours don't beat yourself up over it. As far as the trust issue goes, I honestly don't know that broken trust is able to be fixed back to good as new, it's kinda like a broken vase, you can glue it but there will always be cracks. Trust him as far as you can see him, know what his daily routine is and always know what he's up to, know it sounds sneaky but you have to protect yourself.

Answer 7

Don't trust him again. He should've been there for you in your time of need, and instead he was thinking about cheating on you and possibly leaving you. He's a pathetic excuse for a partner. Leave him. The next time you have a crisis he'll probably be off with someone else rather than beside you.

Answer 8

He did not cheat ,did he.
He told you a THOUGHT that was in his head, but he did not act on this THOUGHT.
How can he trust you now that he told you the truth of nothing happening and you want him out. Why would he ever trust you again and tell you a thing.

Just think of this next time you think that movie actor is hot are you cheating on him. By the way you stated it you are. So how many times have you cheated on him this year.

Answer 9

Give him credit for his honesty. If he didn't act on his "thoughts," and it's all in the past tense, then there's nothing to worry about. You both went through an enormous amount of stress, and instead of dwelling on what could have happened, appreciate what you've got now. Keep communicating, and talk to each other about problem-solving & how to prevent such temptations in the future.

Answer 10

you've never had a crush on someone while you were married? i find that hard to believe... us women are just smarter and would NEVER, EVER, tell. every married woman i know has fantasy ideas about other men, sometimes specific men, yet they are completely happy at home (shrug). i wouldn't ACT on the fantasy... and i REALLY don't think any of my friends would act on theirs either (but, i could be wrong).
i'd be angry with my husband if he EVER told me he had a crush on someone...i would be crushed even though i know i do the same thing sometimes. i wish i had advice... but the only thing i can think of to say is, hang in there and TRY to block this from your mind... i KNOW it will be hard since they work together...