my son went to bed without dinner?

Question

have i done anything wrong?
i brought home take out. my son was angry that i didn't bring pop home so he proceeded to ask if my husband (his step-dad) was to LAZY to get him some. NOW, my husband works over time EVERY WEEK to support our children. i am a stay at home mom taking care of his kids, and my own. my husband works very hard and is in NO WAY lazy. but my son (who resides with his dad as he is 14 and has a choice) treats my husband poorly ALL OF THE TIME. so, in my husband's defense i explained that his step-dad had to work one full hour to pay for all of the take out food and that my son's disrespect just bought him LEFTOVERS. i didn't say he COULDN'T eat, i said he couldn't eat what everyone else was eating and that he, my son, would have to get off his lazy bottom and fix his own dinner. well, he refused and called his dad. then went to bed without eating. which i KNOW is going to land me in court. my ex-husband always says i "over-react". WAS THIS PUNISHMENT OK?

pop is soda.

Answer 1

I say you did the right thing. I have two steps and one of my own which I have coddled his whole life. I stood in the way of my husband and him for 14 years. My son is graduating next week. My husband adopted my son after we got married. I am having so many problems with my son. I don't even recognize him anymore. He doesn't respect me. I didn't let my husband do his job. I let my son run me and the house and now I am paying the price and so is my son. I really blew it.

Discipline him. Let him know that everything he has is a privilege. He is a guest whether he is your blood or not. Soda pop is a privilege too. You are required to give clothing, roof, food, etc. Not take out, soda, video games, TV, cell phones, etc.

Please learn from my mistake. Be hard now and you will be grateful later. Trust me, you will not regret it. A little difficulty in your heart now is worth a great deal of heart break later.

Good luck. You are a wonderful mom and doing a fabulous job. Stop second guessing yourself. The harder the decision, the closer you are to being right!

Answer 2

I'd be curious to know what his dad said to him on the phone when he called him... maybe your son was sulking because his dad agreed with YOU for a change...

You did the right thing... I wouldn't let it worry me for a minute more. The sad thing is how your poor husband must be feeling! Being a step-parent isn't easy and your son seems to be trying to show he has more "pull" in the family by talking to your husband this way. I think I'd make it clear to your son that an apology is in order... no more fun and games until your husband gets an apology! Period.

As for the pop... well, I would start by saying no more sodas at meal time~~ Milk, water, tea, juice, etc... but NO soda! This of course has to be enforced for the rest of the family.

Soda is a treat, nothing more. If your son wants it, he has to earn the right to have it, by doing chores around the house, running errands, etc.

At 14, why does your son not have a summer job? (Could it be that HE is the lazy one???) There are things he can be doing that would earn him spending money, plus give him a great feeling about himself. There are things he can do... mowing lawns, newspaper route, walking dogs, washing store windows/cleaning their parking lots... All of these things will make him feel better about who he is... and right now, he is trying to find out who he is.

He needs to respect himself before he can respect anyone else. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Time and tide wait for no man - and they wont wait for you too lady. Remember that and one day we will be all gone. Overlook his lincongruities which are not very nice to swallow for you - but he is your ex husbands son also and blood being thicker than water - 'twill tell in his behaviour how ever nice and hard working your present husband is and regardless of how hard he works with all his love for you and your children and his childre. So what ever happens to the behaviour of all the children your innate trait as a mother is to be kind, gentle and loving. Go and give your son and the other children a kiss and they will respond even more if you get a great nice funny movie this evening and if you and your husband see it together with the children - There are so many movies for families like "Mary Poppins", "The Sound of Music", My fair Lady etc which are movies every one is sure to like - Get one of them and see them today and see your children laugh and be one with their changed parentage and environment - attacking any of them for misbehaviour perhaps may not be the right thing to do in my opinion - you have to swim against the current to reach the fountainhead - But of course you would know your exact circumstances best so All the Best - get that smile back on your face - that is what is worth the millions you may not have and more

Answer 4

You should have explained people are starving in the world, and many people go to bed hungry every night. You got offended when your son said your husband was lazy. You must realize that you are more mature than your son, and you must understand his shortcomings.

The best thing is to listen. Your son has problems not with your husband, but any husband you get other than his father. He doesn't have anything against your husband, it's the father-figure he has problem with. Don't take it personally. Open up to him, let him talk, and be a good listener. Tell him you love him. Do more things for him to assure him you love him. Surprise him sometimes.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. Stick to your guns. That IS a tough age--challenging authority. You did give an option, and he chose not to take it (which kind of proved the point you made to him). You are also right to expect him to respect his step-dad.

I have two sons. The older one always tried to push my buttons. He and I hardly spoke his last two years of high school. He thought he should be able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. I told him that as long as he was a minor, I was inevitably responsible for his behavior in society's eyes. So I was going to care about how he behaved for MY sake (and his). Oh, and by the way, when he turned 18 and was of "legal age", he'd STILL have to abide by my rules if he wanted to live under my roof.

He's 24 now, and I became incredibly smarter around his 20th birthday....

Oh yeah, the younger one. I made a deal with him that if he didn't give me any trouble, he wouldn't have money troubles while going to college. We've always gottnen along great....

Good luck!

Answer 6

I agree with what you did in the case. It's not like you refused ot let him eat. He didn't eat by his own choice just like the choice he made to live with his father. He was rude, disrespectful and completely wrong. Your punishment in no way was wrong and he knows that otherwise he wouldn't have thrown his little temper tantrum and went to bed. He needs to learn that disrespecting your husband is wrong regardless of who he lives with and that he is disrespecting you by his actions and words towards your husband. At 14, he should be fixing his own dinner on casual nights like these or getting his own dang pop. He could always go mow a lawn, earn his own cash and buy all the damn pop he wants. He is lucky you offered him left overs, my son would have gone to dinner without supper by my choice. Maybe I over react too but your son is a child and he needs to respect the adults in his life, even if he doesn't like them. He doesn't have to like your Husband but he MUST respect him. He's lucky that was his only punishment, left overs, ha. He's lucky you didn't go into his room and take away personal items like video games and such. I know he's your son but hisLazy butt needs to learn what it's like to really have to work for a living. Your ex should be adult enough to let your son know that he shouldn't disrespect to people that are taking care of his ungrateful little butt.

Answer 7

Well its too bad but at this age of 14 its the a really tough age ! He will act totally irrational for no reason and getting thru to him will be insane at the least.Dont worry you said the right thing and he will be ok and get thru this stage by the time hes 21.I found the least pressure the better try your best to keep him busy when your husband around out of his way keep things smooth bring pop home just keep the peace ,I went thru the same thing he will grow up and be a better man ! hang in there!

Answer 8

Way to go mom!!! I am a 24 year old and my mother had and still has the same problems with my dad (her ex-husband). You did absolutely nothing wrong. If your "now" husband is supporting you, his kids, AND YOUR kids, good for him! He is a good man and if your "ex" and your son doesn't appreciate that, then maybe your son should live with his father (sorry so crude). He is still young and someday will thank you and your husband for everything you have done. Trust me I did the same thing to my mother, I KNOW! Good luck.

Answer 9

A resounding YES. Your punishment should not land you in court - kids are sent to bed without dinner all the time. No judge will take your ex's side if it comes to that, especially since you did offer your son his choice of any other food in the house. If it was me, I would have sent the kid to his room with no food, forced him to apologize to his stepfather the next day, and grounded him if he refused. Stand by your decision - you did the right thing.

Answer 10

I feel you did the right thing. What your son did was disrespectful to his stepdad who works very hard for the family. He has no right to treat your husband that way and your ex needs to start backing you up and helping to raise a respectful young man. It sounds like there is no discipline in your ex's house. You were in the right, and no court will punish you for your situation.