Can marriage work without trust?

Question

I have been married for 11 years to a man I love deeply. He has cheated on me more than once and I have always accepted his lousy apologies and worked on trusting him afresh. It has happened again and honestly I don't have the energy to work on our marriage anymore. We have children and this complicates the decision making process. He says he loves me and that I should build trust in him once more. Am I simply wasting my time with him? Can I love him without trusting him? I am not even sure this makes sense! I dont want a "shell" of a marriage for show- I want the real thing or none

Answer 1

Your marriage sounds like my first one!! I was with him for 17 years, and he cheated 3 times that he would admit to, and there were several other times that I was suspicious.
You have to decide if you can afford to be on your own. If you think you can make it on your own, you might move out. It's a messy thing to go through but it doesn't have to affect the kids negatively if you handle it right.
My first husband left me and the three boys but we've done a lot better since that time. He's good to the boys but he was dragging me down. I'm better off without him. I still can't trust him (to be here on time, to pay the child support, etc.), and he's remarried and he's someone else's problem now.
You said you don't think you have the energy to work on this. I don't think I did either. The end came as a relief for me. I stopped loving him, but you say you still do love your husband. But you're right, you can't have a shell of a marriage just for show. You deserve more. You deserve to be happy. Maybe being on your own will make you happy. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

It seems he is just taking you on for the ride. You say he has cheated on you several times. He will continue to do it. In his mind he isn't getting what he wants from you and thats why he is going some where else. But that still does not give him the right to do that. Communication plays a big part. No matter how many times you'll take him back you'll never really trust him. You can't live like that. thinking every day if he cheated on you or what ever. The hardest thing is your kids. Just remember if you do make the decision to move on make sure the kids still get the attention they deserve. People go through divorces and problems and forget about there kids. To answer your question I truely belive you need trust in a marriage. You can try and try but if you can not trust the other person its not worth your heart ach.

Answer 3

Try marriage counseling first. If that doesnt work, or if he continues to cheat, you need to move on, Children would be better off not growing up in that enviornment. I couldnt have a marriage without trust, and If my husband cheated on me repeatedly like that, I would never be able to trust him again. You owe it to your children to at least try and work it out. but you cant make him change. a marriage takes two people to hold together, If he's not willing to stop cheating and work on the marriage the only thing you can do is leave, divorce, take your children and start a new life. I wish you the best of luck. Im so sorry you had to go through that.

Answer 4

I think you can love someone without trust them, but i don't think a marriage can be successful unless you have trust. I would hope that you would get some help from an outside source before calling it off. Like counseling. There is no excuse for cheating but sometimes there are reasons. Ya'll need to have a very long and very serious talk. And maybe you need to reconnect as friends and as lovers. Good Luck and Best Wishes

Answer 5

a marriage is build on the foundation of trust respect and honesty without that you have a shell of a marriage. I was suggest counseling fro you both, he might just be a cheater and liar, but there can also be a underlaying with issue that he needs to work on. I would say if he cheats leave, but you have stayed this long and you are talking about ending a marriage a little work goes into it versus in a dating relationship. But it might help you both to separate and live in different place, and work from there. Since you are working from the foundation then you might want to start from fresh, if you meet with a counseling they would give you the best solution.

Answer 6

This is a very tough decision for you, because you have children involved. I think trust is very important in a marriage. He has stepped way over the boundaries when he cheated the first time. I really can't tell you what to do, because I don't even know what I would do if I was in your situation. All I can say is search your heart, look at all he has put you through. Ask yourself do you really still love him? Do you want to keep your kids in this environment? Will he cheat again and will he give you some kind of disease? Really search your soul!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Being in a relationship with a person you do not trust is doing nothing but hurting yourself. If you dont feel your up for it that means emotionally your done with him you need to move on and find better because there are who dont cheat.You have forgiven him for the other times that understandable people do make mistakes.But no one can tell you what to do because if you love him like you say you do you might just stay. If your going too stay with him you have to learn to trust him. you cant spend everyday wondering what his doing or who his with or you can do what most people do and pretend which you have made very clear thats not what you want.This is a hard question but if you feel your fed up take some time away from him then he will realize what he will lose if you leave. Hope this helps!!

Answer 8

You can always love him, I'm sure he has some good qualities to cherish, however, that doesn't necessarily mean you need to fake happiness with this relationship. You've given this man a chance, or so you say, as a good wife should, time after time. If you've looked at him and also taken a good look at what you might or might nor be doing that leads him to go eslewhere in order to try to make things work and still things remain the same and you can't find an answer then I think its time you parted ways.

Answer 9

Trust, respect and total commitment is needed to maintain a real marriage. It can work better with all three of these things than all the love in the world. Without these things it is a non-relationship at best.

Answer 10

I"m in the same situation now.. not because of him cheating.. just working on the marriage... and you know.. we were seperated for about 4 months this year.. and now that we are back together things are still as tense as always.

I dont think you can love someone and not trust them, and it's not a fun way to live. You will not be able to relax.. you will always be on guard and wondering "is he"? and if it's something that he cannot stop doing.. then you need to find someone else. YOur children will see what it's doing to you, and in turn, they will feed off of that. He is showing total disrespect not only for you, but for his children. Why does he need to cheat anyway??