coming out...what should i have expected?

Question

i'm sure that many of you know that coming out to a good friend can be tricky.

i for one decided to write my friend to tell him, because i think we could possibly go somewhere IF, uhh, we were both bi. or something. [see other ques.]

so i wrote him the other day, and it was a really hard decision because it was kinda risking a lot because well if hes bi too, than good but if he isn't...well, that could make things reeeeeally awkward.

anyhow, i wrote this whole long e-mail explaining everything and, well, you know how it goes. admittedly, i couldn't picture telling him in person. i wanted to. but i didn't.

so today he wrote back this like 4-word email that said something like "hey whats up haha" and that was it.

does he just not want to talk? because if he doesn't, i won't force the matter, but i felt almost hurt with such a thoughtless response. maybe i'm too sensitive, but it was very hard telling him what i did, because i really value our friendship...i don't know. help? thanks

yes, i'm proud of it. like, after i told my parents i felt really good. but now i'm just scared. which is a little dumb i guess, but whatever.

like, i made it as clear as i could. really. and i know now that i was stupid to send an email. i see him tomorrow.

Answer 1

I'm sure you made it clear to him that you were not kidding. It sounds like he may well be struggling with these questions for himself. You may represent what he would like to be open enough to admit, but won't for whatever reason.

People make progress at coming out at vastly different rates and the important thing is not to push him.

Let him know that you hope things won't change between the two of you, that you value his friendship and that is why you told him. Let him know that his balls... erm... the ball's in his court. If he does not want to be your friend any more, then that is the way things will be, but you will be losing a good friend and you don't want that to happen.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I for one think you sound really brave. What you did wasn't dumb at all and too a lot of guts. You didn't just tell anyone but someone you're vulnerable to because you care about him. Just that one act in and of itself shows a lot courage. I'm glad you feel proud of yourself, you should. When you see your friend I wouldn't mention it, I'd let him bring it up when he's comfortable to do so. More than likely, I think he probably understands how hard for you it was to write him something like that and he tried using humor to lighten mood and make everything easier for you. To me it sounds like he doesn't have a problem with it at all, perhaps he already knew and that's why he used so humor, who knows. Now that you've laid it at on the table I'd just wait and be available when he wants to talk about it. But no matter what happens, congrats dude, you did the right thing!

Answer 3

well, okay... i think ur friend thot that u were joking or something. Are u guys always joking around, if so then he must have take it as a joke(refer to the haha at the end of reply)... wot u cud do is bring the topic up and casually just say that u were not joking and see wot his reaction wud be... if he is his normal self then that means that he has accepted it but if he becomes distant than u play it as a joke cos as u said u dont want it to come in between ur friendship... try to be subtle and adoring at the same time and see where things goes from there...

Answer 4

ok. slow down. chill out. let the dust settle some.

Now, there is no way you could have avoided putting your friend on the spot. You took a somewhat "playing it safe" way to do it, and that took some courage on your part.

Breaking the ice is always risky. Once it is done, it is done, and each step from there has to be taken with care.

Give your friend some time to work in and adjust to this new information. I think it would be wise if you would talk with him and assure him that you won't try to rush him to say one thing or another or to act one way or another. Let him know that you will do your part to preserve the integrity of the friendship, and you will respect him.

Answer 5

You've just learned the first lesson of relationships.

NEVER NEVER NEVER use email. Don't use it to come out, break up, ask someone out, or deliver inconveniant news. If you can't tell someone face to face, you get what you get.

Now you've just got to suck it up and force a conversation about the issue with your friend. Tell him that the email was a bad idea, that you should have talked to him face to face, and ask what he thinks. It will be strange and awkward.

But thats why you NEVER use email.

Answer 6

If I got that email, I would think 'damn it, he thinks it's a joke'! Sounds like he thinks it's a joke, and it waiting for your response to validate it (if it was a joke or not). He knew the ball was in his court, so he responed back by saying 'hahaha' and now is waiting to see if you were serious or not. Think about it this way. If you were joking and he took it seriously, he'd be embarrased, especially if he is interesed. If he took you seriously and you were joking, he'd feel stupid, like you called his bluff. From this email, you have no way of knowing if he is bi or not....

Answer 7

I had the same exact predicament as you my best friend however didnt take the news well he told me to "never f ucking talk to me again you queer mother f ucker" yeah. I however think that my life is better with out him. If someone puts you down for it than i say to hell with them i however could use some help telling my parents so umm im gonna post a question about that please answer

Answer 8

It is good that you have came out of the closet and the ? i have for you is are you proud of it? well i hope you are i have been in the same situation too. I was afraid of what ppl would say or think of me but i told them and i lost a ccouple good friends over it but it was ok because i met good friends too

Answer 9

Maybe he thinks that you were joking and not being serious!!In person is better than in an email.Plus you also need to give him space and let him decide what he wants to do without pressure.

Answer 10

Well, your friends may have a harder time responding. Give him time, and let him respond at his pace. Just be there for him.