I have been married 10 years the last year hasn't been very good, how can we get back what we had?

Question

How can I tell if my spouse is cheating? I feel it is possable, but they say no.

Answer 1

Who is 'they'? Anything is possible. You have a choice to believe your husband or believe 'them'.
You can get back what you once had. You need to take the time to communicate without fighting. Talk about feelings. Talk about faith and strengths and weaknesses in your marriage. Talk about little things. You don't always have to have a 2 hour conversation! But set aside time for each other and just talk.
Spend quality time with each other. Go on dates. Make special visits to his office. Call him just to chat and say 'I love you'. Make an effort to always be in tune to his needs and feelings. Send him a personal e-card or an e-mail that tells him how much you miss him.
Remember what you did when you first fell in love? Do those special little things again. You'll fall in love all over and even harder this time.
Even if you have children...you can take the time to be with each other. Your marriage is important to both of you and also to your kids.
Time's a wasting! Get busy with the nice dinner or the sexy lingerie or the strawberries and cream. Have fun...you're married!

I assumed you were a woman asking this question...so if I am wrong and you are a man...the same applies,just insert 'her' for 'him' & 'wife' for 'husband'. Thanks!

Answer 2

There are a couple things you can do. One is check out the possibility that one or both of you are depressed about something.

Also, ask the spouse out on a date. Just tell him/her that the last year hasn't been very good and you would like to go out with him/her on a date.

One reason you may be having trouble is the kids. You didn't say that you had kids, but if you do, the kids might just preoccupy all of your time with sports, school, or even daycare. You might just be so knocked out tired when you get home from work and everything else that you are just tired.

Don't go jumping to conclusions. If there is cheating, it is probably because things are flat line at home. Don't get jealous, angry or selfish about it.

Maybe, in the course of asking the question, you might find out that he/she wants to go for marriage counseling or is feeling exactly the same way you do.

Marriage is like a NASCAR racetrack sometimes. Things go too fast sometimes. Maybe you need to pull over into the pits and just let the freaking traffic clear.

Let me know how this all works out.

Answer 3

First of all, do you have children? If so you need to suck it up and make their childhood as pleasant as possible. When you had kids you signed off your rights for a while. If not, I would say you should consider therapy or divorce. If you feel your spouse is cheating, he probably is. If the marriage hasn't been that great this past year, your instincts are probably telling you something. I have been married for 14 years and I am still completely in love with my husband. You deserve to feel that way. Get out of the marriage if your instincts are telling you that it's not a good place for you to be.

Answer 4

Is he dressing differently?
Does he start caring a little more about how he looks?
Does he start telling you to dress a little more like this or that?
Is he coming home a little later than usual? Or leaving a little earlier to work?
Or is he staying longer at work to finish more projects with say another co-worker?
Is he hiding emails?
Is his cell phone bill any higher than before? A cheating man will usually call his mistress as soon as he leaves the house and right before he comes home.
Does he smell different or is he interested in buying new cologne?
Is he interested in buying new sexy underwear?
Is he interested in trimming or making neat his genital area?
Does he pick fights with you just so he can leave the house for a while?
Do you experience hang up calls?
Is there someone at work that is extra nice to him or someone he used to talk about and now he doesn't - Might mean an affair has started and he doesn't mention their name anymore because he's afraid you'll suspect something.
Or, does he treat you extra well, buying you "guilt" gifts?
Has he picked up a new interest out side of yours that would get him away from home.
Does he go out with friends more?
Is he easily ticked off?

There are lots of signs, but not all of these mean he is cheating. You need to be careful and don't assume there is an affair going on. You can "talk yourself" into anything that might now be true and ruin your marriage. If in doubt, have a PI follow him...if you cant afford that...have a good friend do it that he isn't familiar with.

By the way....if you suspect something, don't accuse him of it right now, he'll try too hard to cover his tracks and will be hard to catch.

HTH

Answer 5

Since God created the institution of marriage, don't you think we should ask His advice? To that end, a Web site has been constructed that is being filled with Bible-based articles relating to the many problems we face in life. That includes marriage problems. Here are a few examples of those that might apply to your dilemma:

Can We Save Our Marriage? :
... Trapped in a Loveless Marriage
... Why Does Love Fade?
... Is There Reason for Hope?
... Your Marriage Can Be Saved!
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/1/8/article_01.htm

When Marital Disagreements Arise
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2005/6/1/article_01.htm

The Bible Can Help Your Marriage
...How to Strengthen Your Marriage
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2003/9/15/article_01.htm

The links near the top-left of the text will help you find more articles on related subjects. If you would like to hear Bible counsel, you are welcome to attend any Kingdom Hall. Marriage is a sacred institution, a gift to us from God. But it does require regular maintenance from us. And things always run smoother when there is cooperation. This is born out on our Web site, and we hope that you will put it to good use!

"Make sure of all things; hold fast to what is fine."
(1Th 5:1-28, NWT)

You can find more Bible-based counsel on-line at:

Answer 6

There's many signs of a cheater. For one, he/she becomes vain and occupied with self-appearance; spends less time with you (intimacy included); becomes more secretive; spends more time away from home; you find things he/she does that doesn't make sense. For instance, I had a friend who's husband was suspected of cheating. He denies it. He becomes preoccupied with his looks all of a sudden. He thinks he's a hunk. She found a bank statement with a transaction for a withdrawal done at a holiday inn. His excuse was that he and the guys stopped by this hotel to take out money to go clubbing. Well, who really stops at a hotel to withdraw money from a bank?? She found phone numbers as well. Eventually, they got a divorce and he was in fact cheating but never confessed. It's amazing, even with pictures, other people's testimony, phone numbers, some men will never admit to their wrongdoings.

In order to get back what you have, you have to heal old wounds. Otherwise, you will find it difficult to move on. If you feel he gives you reason to cheat, trust your instinct but don't accuse him until you have evidence. Last but not least, get marriage counseling. Remember it takes two people to want to make a marriage work. He has to be an involved partner as well. Good luck to you!

Oh here's a site on some of the signs of a cheater.

Answer 7

If the fire goes out and at different times; for different reasons, it does just light it back by doing things out of the ordinary routine. Leave love notes in his/her pockets or other special places to find. Write your and your partners' love story and put in a book form. Get a massage together. Go to the gym for a hard workout. Go hiking. Time at a couples retreat. Make life exciting.

Why might you consider that your spouse is cheating? Are you making life a living hell for them? Do you dislike talking or cartering to their needs?

Concentrate on what you can change.

Answer 8

I think y'all should do something to get the "spice" back in y'all marriage. Like take a trip or something or just talk to him about how you feel and let him know because around this time y'all need to have communication. About the cheating I don't know you might have a feeling deep inside that tells you but you could get some1 to follow them. (I watch 2 many Lifetime movies) but I hope I helped you.

Answer 9

You have forgotten how to take care of him as he has forgotten how to fulfill his obligations to you. Forget the mileage on the meter the two of you need to start over in the relationship and do the stuff that used to give you joy. Too many couples forget to keep their love life active. Kids and work pressures deny them the time to keep those fires going. Put off the golf game and the TV and do some fun stuff together.

Answer 10

LOOK for signs, no voice on the other end of the phone when you say hello.

seeing the same girl in different places where the two of you are

finding telephonenumbers in his pockets

dont jump to conclusions if you want the relationship the way it once was then you need to do what you were doing when you first got together.

hope thos helps