I am 25 and my boyfriend is 38. We have been dating for 2 years. He was married once with no children. We bought a house a year ago and will be getting married within a year or so...
The problem?
Ive never once heard him talk about starting a family. I have brought it up numerous times and his response is "if it happens..it happens"
So tonight i kinda brought it up again and he had the same response. I told him "it just dosent happen" that have to have the feeling of wanting to start a family. He seems so laid back about it and his general attitude in life is "whatever happens..happens"
a BIG part of me wants to try to start seeing if we can have a child within the next year or 2...His answer to all of this seems very relaxed and i dont feel like hes enthused or really wants kids..he says if they happen they happen. He is very relaxed about life in general and likes to have fun (although he is responsible and seems family orientated) part of me wonders if he will ever say hes ready
2006-06-14 12:45:23 · 9 answers · asked by LifeisShortButSweet4Certain 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks for the kind words everyone. And as for the comment about making him my husband first, i figured i would ask around since we are probably going to get engaged this summer and married next year. I had figured that maybe someone has gone though this and could kind of help me out. We have been together for over 2 years, own a house together and are pretty darn commited if you ask me.
I guess i was just asking beacuse i wanted to see if anyone else had this vibe from thier husband/boyfriend..whatever.
After chatting with him more recently and talking to his friends i realized that im not going to worry about it. Its not like i want children right now, im talking more about the road ahead.
Thank you everyone for your responses though, this has really helped me out!
2006-06-19 15:07:29 · update #1
My husband had the same attitude when we were dating and even now (we don't have kids yet). But I came to realize it was just that he didn't want to put pressure on me to be the mother of his children if I didn't want to. He wanted me to see that I was his focus, not children that we may or may not have. Your man might want children, he just doesn't want to make that big of a deal out of kids in the future when he thinks the two of you should be living it it up a few years of childless bliss with his fiance and wife! Once you do have kids, it will be a lot harder to do some of the things that are so unique to being a two-some.
Maybe if you try to look at it that way, you'll be able to enjoy your time with him as the gift that it is before you do have kids. He hasn't disagreed with your plans to have them, so relax knowing you will try to have children together one day and make the most out of having him all to yourself in the meantime. That way if you end up not being able to have babies, you'll have a heck of a foundation of a marriage to see you through it.
2006-06-14 12:58:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like me when I first got married. I actually told my wife that I didn't like to have kids and she didn't say anything although I knew that she was kind of disappointed ... But 2 years later, things just eventually happened and we now have 2 kids, and I feel pretty happy with my children.
In your case, your bf didn't deny your wish, that means he was happy to have children with you although he didn't want to admit it to you verbally, so just don't discuss about having children with your bf that might create some tension between both of you. Just relax, enjoy your lives together, and let it happen. Good luck and wishing both of you lots of happiness.
2006-06-14 20:15:40 · answer #2 · answered by chd.tran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is not the right guy to try and start a family with or maybe he does not feel that he is ready for such a huge step and such a lifechanging decision. To have a family takes dedication and determination along with lots and lots of love.
2006-06-14 19:49:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to consider if you want to live without children and if you dont, which it sounds like, you have to ask yourself if you are in the right situation.,
2006-06-14 23:04:24 · answer #4 · answered by boomerang3que 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's ur boyfriend? how bout try making him ur husband b 4 u have children....see if he is ready for that committment first before u even bring children into the picture....
2006-06-14 19:48:40 · answer #5 · answered by wildspirit1313 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me he sounds like my brother, never had kids and doesn't know how to take care of anyone but himself, maybe he is scared of the responsibility involved
2006-06-15 00:48:40 · answer #6 · answered by dadx2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him if you want to have kids, he won't be there for you. Find someone who really wants to have kids.
2006-06-14 19:52:42 · answer #7 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT SEEMS THAT HE MAY NOT WANT KIDS BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO DISAPOINT YOU SO YOU TWO REALY NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED AND GET ON THE SAME PAGE.
2006-06-14 19:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by strickland220 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE'S NOT READY YET.. HE'LL LET U KNOW WHEN HE WANTS ONE .. Y DON'T YA OFF THE PILLS.. OFF THE PROTECTIONS... AND BAM.. THERE YOU'LL GET ONE .. CHEER UP BABE..
MY HUSBAND'S SAME.. OUT OF DA BLUE HE SAID I WANNA HAVE A BABY.. ..
2006-06-14 19:48:16 · answer #9 · answered by AzNgUrL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋