I met this guy in training, we became good friends, I can say lovers. Later I met this other guy because my boyfriend went to Iraq. Now I talk to my boyfriend in Iraq everyday even through emails, we are really tight again. My boyfriend that I just met don't know about it. I really want to be with the one in Iraq yet I want to be with the one by my side right now, what should I do? Who should I spent the rest of my life with? My military boyfriend or my civilian boyfriend?
2006-06-14 11:55:58 · 35 answers · asked by Lisa A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It is such a shame that you are a dishonest disloyal woman. I pity you.
2006-06-14 11:58:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tough choice. You don't have to think about it as a 'rest of your life' kind of decision, though. Think about which one you care the most for, and think about it in terms of if both of them were in front of you, and there was no Iraq war, which you would choose then.
I know long distance relationships are tough, and perhaps it might be easier on you to let the other one go if you think it is going to be too hard for you. After all, if it's not Iraq, it is likely to be somewhere else. This situation is not going to change. But if the military boyfriend is the one you love, then you may have to live with the life he has, and accept it. Otherwise, stick to the civilian boyfriend.
2006-06-14 12:02:05 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why it is important to avoid getting emotionally attached to another person when you already have a boyfriend. I know you might not like to hear this,but you are being selfish. You have to let one of these guys go, and stop dragging them alone.In the end you may lose both. Relax and think logically. Is the new guy filling a physical void left by your boyfriend in Iraq? Would it be to straining for you to be with a man in the Military? In the end, chosse the guy that touches your heart above all.
2006-06-14 12:01:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While only you know the final answer, I'll say this: DON'T DUMP ON YOUR MILITARY BOYFRIEND WHILE HE'S IN IRAQ (and for that matter don't dump him right after he gets back). He is going through more stress than you can even dream of and you don't need to increase it. You are being selfish if you do and so is your "civilian" boyfriend. I don't know what else to say this p*sses me off that you would cheat on your b/f in the service. He deserves better treatment than that!
2006-06-14 12:02:26 · answer #4 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think that you are the only one that can make this decision,why don't you write a list of pros's and con's about each bloke. (a list of things you like and dislike ) and you might want to take a look and see if you can see any resemblances in the two men, are you sure that you didn't get with the second man just because you truly miss the man that is in Iraq?
2006-06-14 12:01:32 · answer #5 · answered by muncher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First , how long have you known these guys?Think about all the things that you planned and shared with your " military BF." Would you want to ruin everything? Is it worth it?You might be a little lonely but lonliness should not be an excuse for cheating, especially if you really love an care for your BF.Im not in your shoes, I know, but ....Go with your gut...Im not sure what to tell you.Just sit down and think it through.After sometime , you will find the right answers.Good luck!
2006-06-14 12:01:24 · answer #6 · answered by La Belle 06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I could say that I had a similar experience, but not totally like yours. I, too, am in the military, and I met a great guy while I was at training--and my boyfriend was at home, waiting for me. I really, really liked this boy that I met at training, but I decided not to do anything with him...because I knew in my heart that I loved my boyfriend and could not cheat on him. We ended up just being good friends, and I still keep in touch with the guy. And, happily...I am still with my boyfriend.
I didn't mean to disengage your question, but I felt that was some necessary background. Basically, your boyfriend cannot help being away. He probably did not choose to go to Iraq....and even if he did...he still has to be there. You mentioned that you guys are talking each day and maintaining contact. That's good. He really needs that love and support while he is away...and you do, too--because you miss him. When I was in training, away from my boyfriend for almost a year--we made it work by maintaining contact and looking forward to when we would see each other again. :)
I am not here to judge you, but I think you should call it quits with the guy you just met....if you really do love this boy in Iraq. For one thing....it isn't exactly anything he would probably be too thrilled to hear about. I mean...your boyfriend probably feels a little helpless being in Iraq not being able to see you. If he knew about this other guy, I am sure he'd be sad and angry. The same thing goes for your "new" boyfriend.
I think you really need to decide who you want to be with. For one thing...if you really hit it off with your first boyfriend--the one in Iraq...is it really too much to wait for him to come home? I mean, yes, it IS extremely hard to have to wait....but it will be great when he does come home and you get to see him again. At least you can talk to him and write him. :) That helps....a little. And, I am sure he'll get some leave time.
However, you might really like this boy you just met. But I think you should keep it cool with him. Just be friends. It IS possible to just be friends, you know. Even in this day and age. :) Try to work things out with your b/f in Iraq and be supportive on the home front. If things DO work out with him...and I hope they do....I am sure you'd feel better when he gets home without having to tell him that you had a boy on the side. At the same time, you can hang out with this new guy and maybe gain a good friend. If you think you couldn't handle that....just tell your new b/f about your boy in Iraq. Be honest. Since you were with your Iraq b/f first....you owe it to him and yourself to try to be faithful to him while you are together and he is away. You never know what could have been if you let him get away. If things don't work out....they don't....but please---give it your best shot.
Good luck.
God Bless. :)
2006-06-14 12:10:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.. this is really tough for you, huh..
So tough, you really can't decide.
I'll say ... flip the coin!
If your soldier wins, stop seeing this new guy, you must control your urges, no matter how urgent they become, wait for the soldier to come home!
If on the other hand, the new guy wins, don't keep leading the soldier on. He deserves to know what's going on.
Isn't it bad enough he's in a strange land experiencing strange things every second... Just frop the bomb on him, chances are.. he's already got his heart stuck on a pretty Iraq girl and relieved you're dumping him!
Think about that... not just about what you want...
2006-06-14 22:46:30 · answer #8 · answered by annmohdali 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is in Iraq and if you were his girl friend and you're doing this to him while he's over there going through hell and counting down the days until he can be home here with you, I would have to hunt you down and hurt you ten times worse than you're hurting my son, or someone else's son right now. Think about the pain your selfish need to have someone by your side could cause.
2006-06-14 12:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by curious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman currently married to a military man, I have to say think it through. I have delt with lots of deployments and we are still going strong. Plus nothing is worse than a man burned. He goes away to help his country and his woman goes astray. That hurts big time and makes a man do crazy things. I have to say if you love him make it work. Lots of us military wives have done it and our men stay true to us for us staying true to them. Civilian men may be around more often but they have no clue what it's like to protect our country.
2006-06-14 12:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by Justbeingme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta take alot of time alone to discover the one you really miss the most. Do things you like to do by yourself and than talk to them again with new eyes. The rest of your life is a big deal
2006-06-14 11:58:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋