I was married for 14 years, most of them unhappy and controlled. We had a bitter divorce and custody battle that never ended, even once the papers were signed. I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 years. We even own a house together. Marriage however has not been something Ive been interested in. When I think of getting married I get nauseaus and light headed.
He's a nice guy who can be a real jerk and the honeymoon has been over for years but, I never even imagine my future without him in it.
I have the chance to leave a job I HATE to take a job I will hopefully love, the downside is the kids and I will lose our health insurance. If I married my long time boyfriend we would be covered under his. I keep telling myself that getting out of owning a house together is harder than getting out of a marriage and that its just a piece of paper but still thinking about it makes me physically ill.
Suggestions?
2006-06-14 10:55:55 · 16 answers · asked by vacca33 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The new job will be working from home as a sub contractor making 1/3 more than I do now. Health insurance is not provided. Also note, we often call each other husband/wife to avoid confusion and I have been wearing an engagement ring for more than 2 years.
2006-06-14 11:00:44 · update #1
Andy, it wont let me answer your email. It says your email is not verified
2006-06-14 14:13:21 · update #2
Counseling, because I think you are still grieving the loss of your 1st marriage.
You've been with this "new" guy a while and he thought enough of you to buy a house with you, that's huge.
Relax, take an inventory of all the good things you have with him, and let go of the past.
2006-06-14 10:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by maat13101 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
We may have something in common here. My marriage is ending after 14 years and I have two kids that are going to be part of a custody dispute. Of course, I'm sheltering them from it. 'nuff said. Maybe it's something we can discuss offline.
Back to your question, while you're still employed, see if your have legal services as part of your benefits package. You can ask legal services your situation of owning the house together. I don't now what state you're in but that property can become a problem if you two split. As for the health insurance, ask your employer about COBRA or look into Medicare. Just a hunch, but I think you can qualify for Medicare at a really, really low rate if you need it.
Finally, not actually a question you through out but I can see possible problems here, you might want to seek counseling for you and your new guy. You might want to find out if you are compatible. Why? Simple reason is because you have kids that will have some kind of relationship with this guy and you need to cover your bases. Is he right for the kids? For you, is he Mr. Right or Mr. Right-Now?
2006-06-14 18:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was my ONLY reason for getting married to my daughters father - insurance. Don't do it, you know it's not worth it. If you're even questioning whether it's the right thing to do or not, don't ignore your conscience. It won't steer you wrong. Take the job that you'll love, cause ultimately, your happiness is more important than anything. You can always get supplemental insurance until you've worked at the new job long enough to be eligible for regular benefits. Just keep things the way they are at home. Nothing in life goes exactly the way you might dream for it to go, but I suggest you pray until you find the answer that's right for you at this given time in your life. Good luck in love and life!
2006-06-14 18:02:28 · answer #3 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the quaundary here? You stated that marriage makes you physically ill - that's pretty big and honest of you. The only reason you mentioned in favor of marrying him is for his insurance - would you tell him that? If so, would he still want to marry you. You're telling yourself that its harder to get out of the house situation than to get out of a marriage? Financially? I didn't see one mention of love, heart, intimacy, togetherness, partnership. You've got your answer to the quandary. Additionally, you appear to be smart and concerned enough about your children that you will be able to find other avenues for health insurance. Good luck.
2006-06-14 18:08:25 · answer #4 · answered by GoAskNat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married unless you both want it - don't do it just for health insurance. Also keep in mind that just because your first marriage was horrible - it doesn't mean that a second marriage will be the same way.
2006-06-14 17:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Health Insurance is the best reason to marry!
2006-06-14 17:58:45 · answer #6 · answered by hotrod luvin princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most jobs offer a cobra plan where you pay the premium and your coverage (health insurance) can remain in effect for up to 18 months...
2006-06-14 18:04:59 · answer #7 · answered by chiefof nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT GET MARRIED FOR INSURANCE!! that would be a disaster and i think you already know that. out of all the reason there are to get married this definitely isn't one of them! your physical reaction is your body and minds way of screaming to you that it is not what you want. get private insurance, look at those options before you do something as drastic as marrying.
2006-06-14 18:01:18 · answer #8 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never ever ever ever ever ever marry for convenience... and that is what you would be doing. If the idea of marrying again makes you ill which you said it does... then DO NOT marry just so you can save some $$$
2006-06-14 17:58:33 · answer #9 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People get married for many reasons, You need to ask yourself if you want a commitment with your boyfriend, Maybe his employer has domestic partner benefits
2006-06-14 18:07:02 · answer #10 · answered by billy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋