my man just doesn't trustme?! I have never done anything for him to not trust me but my sister just recently left her man for someone else, but i'm not her and I tell him that all the time. He doesn't want me going anywhere without him, he doesn't want me to wear certain things when he's not around he's starting to be controlling. We have a 2 year old together so I can't just say SEE YA! what do I do to make hime back off?
2006-06-14 10:53:19 · 15 answers · asked by tkay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I can relate to you. I've been with my husband for 20 yrs, he is the same as your man, but I am still happy in the relationship, and you can be too.
My sister left her husband and 3 of her 4 kids to go off to America and be with a guy she met in a chatroom. She married him and the oldest 3 kids gew up without a mum.
Because of this my husband has been wary and doesn't trust me even though I wouldn't dream of doing the same thing.
He's just like your man, a bit controlling and doesn't want me to wear certain things either. I'm not allowed to chat online, and if he knew about this website he wouldn't like it either.
My children are older, so I could say "See ya!" but I understand that my husband is insecure and he is a good man underneath the controlling issue. He treats me and the kids well, we mean everything to him. We are his world and if we weren't in his life he would not have a reason to get up in the morning. That's why he is insecure. He couldn't bear the thought of losing me.
What worries me about what you have said, though is "He doesn't want me going anywhere without him". Everything else I can relate to. My husband wants to know where I'm going and what time I'll be home, but he doesn't stop me from going places. (Well, if it was a nightclub or a bar or something, but I don't go to those sot of places so that's not a problem.)
Don't let his controlling ways stop you from lliving life.
Go places without him, but be sure that when you do you don't do anything that you'd regret.
Have friends.
Go window shopping.
Take bubs to the park and chat to other mums.
Join a mothers group.
If you say you'll be home at 10 arrive at 10:30.
Don't always defend yourself.
You are not his possession.
You are sharing your life with him but that doesn't mean you have to "do as you're told" all the time.
Have fun, but just not too much fun.
2006-06-14 11:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by sammy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your man doesnt trust you I think its better to let the relationship go. The reason why because with out trust theres no point of dating him cause then come the problems with him being so unsecure so its best to let the relationship go. If you dont want to call it off then you really need to sit and talk to him about the way you are feeling towards the fact that he cant trust you and MAYBEsomething can change but believe me If theres no TRUST in a relationship it wont work out or within time he would become more controling and then there probably wont be a way out.
2006-06-14 11:08:20 · answer #2 · answered by precious_vanessa_04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can start by giving him an ultimatum or turn the tables out on him. I know guys can be jealous and overbeering but i would suggest to find a way out. the fact you typed 'We have a 2 year old together so I can't just say SEE YA!' tells me you aren't fully committed to this relationship and a bit hesitant of him.
YOu can either do it now or wait until he starts to physically strike out - I'm not saying that he will, I don't know him, but some guys have a tendancy to lift their hands in order to show they're top dog. Plus you have a kid to be concerned about.
2006-06-14 10:58:18 · answer #3 · answered by Dahlias 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, do what he says!
Its as simple as that! He wants control right now... He needs it for his ego, because of your sister. (He must of really liked her, and it really upset her that she did this to the family, now he is afraid that your going to dump him too, because sisters are usually close, so you have to feed his ego enough to let him know you love him).
This should only go on for about 5-6 months, and after that, he should calm down...
Sometimes, it does upset a man that a sister in law, does something, or his or yours, it doesnt matter, but when some one upsets the apple cart, then it shakes a persons confidence and starts to get him thinking about his own marriage and if you really love him and all that.
Yes, we men have fragile egos, when it comes to losing our family and love of our life!!! Its hard to deal with...
I wish you well..
Jesse
2006-06-14 10:59:50 · answer #4 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has been done wrong in the past
i would have to say that if he truly loves you then you can tell him anything...you need to let him know that the feeling of distrust he is putting in you is not what you signed up for when you said i do. if you do not express yourself that way and he understand then maybe go to mom and dads and let him understand that even with child no one is forced to be condemned.
2006-06-14 11:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by CHRIS O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your man is assuming that you are like your sister.There has to be trust in any and every relationship.Without that you have NOTHING.
2006-06-14 10:59:06 · answer #6 · answered by Nita C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suggest u get out of the relationship before **** hits the fan cause he will start using his hands so be safe and be smart
2006-06-14 10:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by jaybersdime1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a control freak you got as a bf. maybe he is insecure about your relationship. ask him what is it that he doubts about your relationship. ask him what makes him think you two are strong and what makes him believe you two are weak. hopefully these questions will help you as they helped me.
2006-06-14 10:58:15 · answer #8 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is earned, not freely given. Earn the trust and he will mellow out.
2006-06-14 10:55:24 · answer #9 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
woooooooooooow thats a tough 1 babe id tell him how u feally feel he dnt like it tough thats his lost tell him how u really feel inside no regrets itll feel alot better
2006-06-14 10:56:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋