Would you tell people if you were dying?

Question

If you had only a few months left to live, would you tell your loved ones? Vice versa, if someone you loved had only a short time left, would you want to know?

Is it ethical to tell the truth when it may cause more pain and suffering than if the truth were withheld?

In this case, isn't it better to spare your loved ones the agony of expecting your death and suffering premature loss by withholding the truth and let them get through the shock, anger, and grief all at once when you die?

No, I am not dying. This is a hypothetical question. I started thinking about this after a co-worker told me he has cancer and he has about 18 months to live. I started wondering how his family took the news, if he told them at all. That lead me to wonder if telling is the ethically right thing to do....

Answer 1

I think loved ones should be told, because if you die and you knew you were going to die, they would feel betrayed, even if it was for a good reason from your perspective.

We all feel better if we have a chance to say goodbye and to help someone who needs it, to get ready for it. Surprises are best kept for childen's birthday parties, not funerals.

Answer 2

That's one I've given thought to before ...

If you decide to not tell them, then they may be very angry with you ... Once they find out, it will be too late to say or do any of the things they probably felt should be said/done, but had just kept putting off. Including asking questions that only you know the answers to. Also, all the stress is on you, with no family/friend support. Many people feel 'jilted' when the truth is withheld from them. They may feel robbed of the impetus they need to tell you how they really feel!

However -- if you don't face it yourself -- & that's the reason you don't tell them -- then you won't likely make necessary arrangements that would be in the best interests of your survivors, either (i.e., will, trusts, written messages to remind them how much you love them, etc.)

On the other hand ...
Telling them, and sharing the mourning process with them, then celebrating the time you have left ... I think that affords everyone the opportunities to both do & say all those things they've been putting off, and drawing closer because of it! This way both stress & sorrow are shared. ... When you also share the Bible's promise of the earth being restored to paradise where the vast majority of mankind will live in peace & perfect health ... that just makes the entire experience :
-- for the survivors -- similar to sending someone
they love on an extended trip, during which there can be no communication ... but they know for sure you'll be back, & in Great Shape 'to boot'! (;
If you also share with them the Bible's explanation of death ... that of being in God's memory, just unconscious & nonexistent otherwise (temporarily), then -- either way you handle it -- you will look at death as just going to sleep ... only to be awakened with a youthful, vibrant body ... in a perfectly beautiful garden, full of cooperative caretakers & animals that have no need to feel threatened by them ...

The Hereafter - Where Will It Be?:
... Earth--Just a Testing Ground?
...... Eternal Happiness - In Heaven or on Earth? http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2000/10/1/article_01.htm

Should You Be Afraid of Death? :
... What Is Your View of Death? ;
...... A Closer Look at Some Myths About Death
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2002/6/1/article_01.htm

How Would You Like to Be Remembered? :
... What Kind of Name Are You Making for Yourself?
...... How Some Are Remembered
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2003/8/15/article_01.htm

That's what the choices are, for me. I doubt anyone can be sure which they'll choose, until they face having to make one. Circumstances that may 'sway one's vote' are always changing ...

"Make sure of all things; hold fast to what is fine." 1Th 5:21

Ethical Decisions:
... A Trait Distinctively Human
...... Right & Wrong - How Should You Decide?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2004/12/1/article_01.htm

Answer 3

I wouldn't tell anyone. I would like that short time I have left to feel like the best days of my life but if I told someone, it will always be different in a negative way. If I told them they would only feel sympathy for me and they would still feel the sadness, anger, regret, and all the other good things. Even if they don't show it, I can still see it.

I wouldn't want someone to tell me either because it prolongs the emotions you would get from this situation. All I would feel if it was a loved one would tell me this, would be anger and those type of things. Anger because if you really loved them you would always feel like: "it should be me instead". No matter how open you are with someone, even if you think you told them everything, when they finally go, you still feel like if you forgot to say something, and then you feel the regret, once again.

Answer 4

I would tell them, so if anyone want to say their good-byes to me and what have you, there's that special chance. I don't want to die on them without knowledge if I have the ability to tell them ahead of time.

I would want to know, as painful as it can be, because I can do something special with that person for what may be that last time. And I can take confort in knowing I took that time out for them.

That's SUCH a good question, because we tend to take for granted that a person will live long, but you really can't know. It's best to tell people how much we love them and care for them while they're still here, and not wait too long to do things with them. We can't know for sure when a person will die, and will alleviate any guilt that may occure.

Answer 5

Yes I would tell my best friend and my other friends first, then I would tell my mother and my nieces and nephews. They would want to know something like that. And I would expect them to tell me. I'd much rather know about someone dying than later find out that they didn't want to tell me and I would be in shock!! I went thru that a few times in my life, and that experience was anything but pleasant!!

It's always good to be open and honest with the people that you are close too. If you choose not to be open and honest, and you end up dead, then they will blame themselves for not doing enough or not visiting you enough and they will feel worse about themselves and your relationship with you and even feel blame for themselves. To me that is more painful to go thru than knowing a close friend or relative is dying.

I hope this has helped you! Good luck!

Answer 6

The grief would be a lot more difficult if a death was sudden and unexpected. I would tell and want to be told. The support and time that you can have with family and friends in the end is too precious to lose.

Answer 7

Well honestly ethics play not part in this it is up to the person who is dying. Personally if I was I would tell only those close to me. And if I were in the receiver position I would want to know and it would make the loss less to endure.

Answer 8

This is one of those things that depends entirely on the situation. I would tell my family though. I would want them to know that I wasn't going to be around soon, and give them all the opportunity to say all the things they would regret not having told me. My brother killed himself about 2 years ago. I still regret not being able to tell him how important he was to me, and how much I love him. I know that isn't your terminal disease question, but sort of similar.

Answer 9

Id tell people, because Id want to know. Id want to make sure that I made a lot of room in my life for them during there last couple of months... sometimes I get caught up in "life" as does everyone... and Id want to be sure that wasnt a time that was the situation. Id definitely definitely want to know.

Answer 10

when i was 18 my nan died suddenly,i was sitting in the pub with my friends enjoying myself when my dad rushed in and told me i needed to get to the hospital,i saw my nan hooked up to wires and machines and she died later that night,i have never got over it.
in 2003 we were told my other nan was dying of cancer and that she didn't have long left,
we all constantly visited her,let her know how loved she was and when she died i found it easier to deal with because i knew it was coming so i think i would tell my loved ones if i was dying and i'd want to know the same about them.
i think it's a bigger shock if one day your loved one is there and the next they're not.